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Like let's say that some Women like the "bad guys" such as "thugs", and in the beginning she knows that guys is a thug in the beginning and she accept it.
Then, later on when something bad happens to her(whether the guy cheated on her or did something bad to her) she's so suprised about his actions and pretend like that it's not his character and plays the victim.
I'm mean COME ON! You knew the guy was bad from the get-go and wanted a "bad guy" in the beginning!
Now i'm not saying don't show sympathy to the lady that was done wrong but she should blame herself for the men(or males) she chooses instead of just blaming the guy that she knew was wrong in the first place when she chosed him.
Next thing she's going to start saying things like "all men are the same".
They are perfect, dude. How do you dare question their godly perfection? It's us men who are horrible monsters.
How's my sarcasm, BTW?
Any woman who can't see they're dating the wrong man is a moron, period. There are too many of them, unfortunately. I used to have sympathy for them long ago, but experiences proved they don't deserve any sympathy; they want crap they get crap.
They are perfect, dude. How do you dare question their godly perfection? It's us men who are horrible monsters.
How's my sarcasm, BTW?
Any woman who can't see they're dating the wrong man is a moron, period. There are too many of them, unfortunately. I used to have sympathy for them long ago, but experiences proved they don't deserve any sympathy; they want crap they get crap.
No, I mean the choices she make when picking the guys that she want such as "thugs", yet she doesn't blame herself for the choices(of Men) she make.
Because they allways think that they "can change him" that htey are the only one that can do it. It's part of the need for drama...
Remember, these women would be absolutely miserable with a guy who treats them well.
Pretty much this. They brush off the shy awkward guy in favor of the confident one with lots of social experience and it doesn't go through their heads that maybe he's so confident because he's had a lot of practice? They act surprised when he cheats on them or brushes them off. Of course when he can get sex from any woman he's not going to want to commit, but women are attracted too are these traits. Funner to play with fire and get burnt.
The OP said "she knows up front and accepts." Under those premises, all I can say is, like people who try heroin, some folks just make bad choices. It isn't my job to go around shaking my finger at them.
Subsequent posts have focused on "how could she not know." Here's how. So many dudes, when they say "women" are focusing on the young hot women. Some 20 year old he saw in the club, because that's what he's looking at, is the one he's mad at for not choosing him. Alright. Well see young people do dumb things, because they don't have the life experience and wisdom to know better. You like them inexperienced and naive, that's charming...the ones who KNOW BETTER get described as bitter, we have our defenses up against users, we don't assume you are who you say you are. Because those "bad boys" don't wear a sign, or strut around acting like thugs, often they seem like good men, they just aren't once you get to know them a bit. You think they can't pretend to be shy if that will get them what they're after? Some people with not so much life experience are relatively easy to con. Those people (when referring to women) also tend to be young, and therefore "hot". There ya go. It's like the phone and email scammers targeting the old, instead of younger, tech savvy people who know better. That's why it happens. Predators target prey.
As a survivor of abuse, if I'd known then what I know now, no way would I have gotten stuck with a guy like that one. But I was EIGHTEEN, still basically a kid, and I didn't know my arse from my elbow. One often does not, at such a young age. And like the predator/narcissist/abuser he was, he eagerly went for my vulnerable self, pretended to be the perfect provider and protector, really showed up in the beginning...it was only later that things got ugly.
Honestly? No REAL, legit, actual good man or nice guy or whatever, would sit there saying, "It's your fault you get abused or bad things happen to you, because you didn't pick me, you picked a bad boy thug instead." Victim blaming is neither good, nor nice.
How about women who don't like thugs but go after the guy that seems shy or nerdy and he ends up being a lunatic, verbally abusive or worse? That happens too and that's not the women's fault. I belive the saying that people have 3 faces. One face you show to the world, the other face to your family and friends and the third face to no one. While a lot of people are like that there are still some who can be great actors and show you a side of them that their friends or family won't see like if they are abusive and hide behind closed doors as cowards but then want to play the sweet friendly guy in public. Anything can happen but yes if someone goes after a guy that they already know is bad news then that's true that they can't be surprised when the red flags were already there out in the open.
Last edited by Yourgermanicanish; 10-10-2017 at 11:35 AM..
How about women who don't like thugs but go after the guy that seems shy or nerdy and he ends up being a lunatic or verbally abusive or worse? That happens too and that's not the women's fault. I belive the saying that people have 3 faces. One face you show to the world, the other face to your family and friends and the third face to no one. While a lot of people are like that there are still some who can be great actors and show you a side of them that their friends or family won't see like if they are abusive and hide behind closed doors as cowards but then want to play the sweet friendly guy in public. Anything can happen but yes if someone goes after a guy that they already know is bad news then that's true that they can't be surprised when the red flags were already there out in the open.
This completely happened to me with my past serious boyfriend.
First one was shy, kind of nerdy (he played D&D, did LARPing, and was into computer games), liked science fiction, etc... he was the stereotypical nerdy guy. I wasn't attracted to a "bad" boy. I was attracted to a nerdy guy that I thought was nice. And I wasn't the only one, everyone thought he was really polite, kind, so did I. He ended up being a jerk. Once I graduated from college and we were able to move in together I started to see the true man. He was like you said with two faces. In public he was the doting boyfriend and sweet and romantic... he worked hard, had the respect of bosses and coworkers. Was praised by everyone. But behind closed doors he was critical of me, controlling, and kind of full of himself. It didn't happen overnight either, it slowly creeped up on me until I realized, hey, this sucks. Kind of like the story of putting a frog in a pot of cold water and then slowly heating it until the pot is boiling and the frog stays inside because he doesn't know any better/that the temperature is rising. But it did dawn on me eventually. It's funny, when he left me, I was fine with it (because at that point, I was trying to think of a decent way to break it off with him. He saved me the trouble). He was actually livid that I wasn't crying and upset that he was leaving. then he asked me to get back together with him and I said, no. I actually still see him socially now and then and he's pretty nice to me again, like before I found out what he's like, but I know better. He can't seem to keep anyone in his life. I bet he complains no one likes a "good guy" like him because I really think he believes he's a good guy.
After a long break, I dated for a few years on and off between that boyfriend and my current one. My current one is very sweet, very kind and genuine. If he has any other "faces" I have yet to see it in three years. I couldn't ask for anyone better. He is the real deal. Funny thing is, he loosely fits the "bad boy" persona a bit more than my ex boyfriend if you look at him on the surface. Ex paratrooper, into gun collecting, drives a huge pickup, very much in charge. He's not mushy or overly romantic, but he loves me for real. And he treats everyone with respect and kindness, it's not an act like that last one was putting on public. And he's the sweetest father to his two girls.
I honestly think the contrast between my current and my last boyfriend (and all the hassle of dating between them) is why, in my mind, I am "done." I found "the one" and if anything happens, I am not bothering to date again. I think I am too cautious of running into someone like the first guy again and what are the chances of finding someone as great a match for me as my current boyfriend?
As a survivor of abuse, if I'd known then what I know now, no way would I have gotten stuck with a guy like that one. But I was EIGHTEEN, still basically a kid, and I didn't know my arse from my elbow. One often does not, at such a young age. And like the predator/narcissist/abuser he was, he eagerly went for my vulnerable self, pretended to be the perfect provider and protector, really showed up in the beginning...it was only later that things got ugly.
Honestly? No REAL, legit, actual good man or nice guy or whatever, would sit there saying, "It's your fault you get abused or bad things happen to you, because you didn't pick me, you picked a bad boy thug instead." Victim blaming is neither good, nor nice.
Well if you're walking down a railroad track with your ear buds in no one is going to blame the train when you get run over by it. I raised 2 daughters both which now are capable adults with decent lives. one is single mom and that's not by intent but it ultimately is by her own choices. I also knew a lot of their friends when they were growing up and their young adult lives.
I swear to god adolescent females can be the most WILLFULLY stupid creatures on earth sometimes. I know you had people around you that told you things, that tried to point things out to you. Did you listen? Did you pay close attention to what people around you said?
Hell no.
Like it or not holding one another accountable is something humans do all the time. This isn't about blaming victims it's about accountability and people judging others comes about as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow. Women (doubly so) need to make better decisions. A uterus can change you life profoundly.
Both sexes need to do things a lot better by one another.
The OP said "she knows up front and accepts." Under those premises, all I can say is, like people who try heroin, some folks just make bad choices. It isn't my job to go around shaking my finger at them.
Subsequent posts have focused on "how could she not know." Here's how. So many dudes, when they say "women" are focusing on the young hot women. Some 20 year old he saw in the club, because that's what he's looking at, is the one he's mad at for not choosing him. Alright. Well see young people do dumb things, because they don't have the life experience and wisdom to know better. You like them inexperienced and naive, that's charming...the ones who KNOW BETTER get described as bitter, we have our defenses up against users, we don't assume you are who you say you are. Because those "bad boys" don't wear a sign, or strut around acting like thugs, often they seem like good men, they just aren't once you get to know them a bit. You think they can't pretend to be shy if that will get them what they're after? Some people with not so much life experience are relatively easy to con. Those people (when referring to women) also tend to be young, and therefore "hot". There ya go. It's like the phone and email scammers targeting the old, instead of younger, tech savvy people who know better. That's why it happens. Predators target prey.
As a survivor of abuse, if I'd known then what I know now, no way would I have gotten stuck with a guy like that one. But I was EIGHTEEN, still basically a kid, and I didn't know my arse from my elbow. One often does not, at such a young age. And like the predator/narcissist/abuser he was, he eagerly went for my vulnerable self, pretended to be the perfect provider and protector, really showed up in the beginning...it was only later that things got ugly.
Honestly? No REAL, legit, actual good man or nice guy or whatever, would sit there saying, "It's your fault you get abused or bad things happen to you, because you didn't pick me, you picked a bad boy thug instead." Victim blaming is neither good, nor nice.
Preach it sister.
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