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The point of my thread is to get people's opinions on why we get angry when we get dumped. Especially because I made it clear that I had never intended on hurting anyone's feelings. Just like I don't think that the new guy intended on hurting my feelings. There was no stringing along in either story, no head games, no rudeness. My ex was angry at me, I'm angry that I got dumped and I can't help it. I wanted opinions on why we choose anger to deal with the pain. Someone said that it's a way that we protect ourselves as it makes us seem like we're not hurt although that's not what it actually conveys. Those were the type of responses I was looking for.
Seeniorita, you seem to assume that I'm some dumb girl that just wants to complain about getting dumped and that's it. I'm not so vain as to think that anyone here really cares if I got dumped. I think maybe you should read the whole post before jumping to conclusions.
And to whoever said that I was playing Duck Duck Goose, you're right. I realized when I met the new guy that I had just been entertaining the idea of going back to the ex because I was bored and that is not okay. I need to be okay being by myself too. And I did learn a lot from the relationship without the new guy..such as it is NOT a good idea to accept a diamond ring from a guy I've dated a week. That is not the sign of a healthy relationship! When he gave me the ring, I didnt even feel that special because I knew that he didn't even know me well enough to know that he really wanted me to have that ring. It was almost like I just accepted it because I liked h, but it didn't really mean what it should've meant.
I just looked at the relationship as I was taking a chance.
One thing that I have learned is that there are those who post 'outrageous' tales and I think those that post here regularly grow weary of this.
That said--I don't know if there is a 'good' way to end a relationship. In your scenario the guy sounds incredibly selfish and/or immature. It is not possible to have your cake and eat it, too. He asked you to leave, dissolve the relationship and should not be surprised that your ego was bruised. Not to mention the expense and inconvenience of moving again within a short period of time. Decades ago I had several roommates who for assorted reasons chose to move before leases expired---whatever the reason was it was not good enough, imo, to cause me additional expense and aggravation. I managed to keep some form of a civil relationship with most of these people.
The last one---I was angry, for quite some time. Had enough I suppose.
So I recently went through a very quick and odd relationship. A guy I'd dated off and on for 2 years was going to move with me (temporarily) and we were going to try and work on being a couple again. I ended up meeting someone new and told my ex that he wouldn't be able to stay with me and we would not be together. As I expected, he was very angry. A few days later, he messages me telling me how hurt he was along with some that I took as threatening. After that, he tried again to contact me more rationally but I had nothing left to say to him and didn't want to hea what he had to say either.
The new guy and I got serious very quickly. After a week, he bought me a diamond ring. We were clear that it was a symbol of how serious he was about me and not an engagement ring. Soon after, he asked me to move in and eventually I gave in. Before I'd lived there for two weeks, he dumped me. He's been very nice and apologetic through this whole thing, but I can't help but be pissed. I, however have let him know how inconvenienced I am, but have kept most of my anger to myself. While I was moving, we had to communicate, but I kept it all very minimal as I just wanted to put the whole mess behind me. Last week, I was clearly avoiding him (we work together) and he had the nerve to get mad at me saying that he's been nice and respectful throughout this whole thing and I made him feel like I thought he was mean. I do think he's mean lol!
Why do people get so angry during break ups? I know I didn't intend to hurt my old guy and I don't think the new guy intended to hurt me.. But I can't help but be angry at him (and myself). Is it okay to feel like this? And if so, why is it okay?
Quote:
The point of my thread is to get people's opinions on why we get angry when we get dumped.
People get angry when they get dumped because it hurts!!!! This is such a "duh" question.
Anger is a natural way to react when you are hurt. Whether or not it's justifiable depends on circumstances. I think in your situation, just based on what you are saying on this thread, you were pretty cold-hearted in the way you broke up with your ex-boyfriend. You made it seem "so easy" to just leave him behind and yes, I agree with others, wasn't very emphatetic. You know exactly how he felt because thankfully you got to experience it for yourself.
Although threatening wasn't obviously the right reaction from him, but I can see how he could get angry.
At the end of the day, you were wrong for both guys. Hopefully you will find someone for you and you will treat him with tender love and care, like a human being deserves to be treated.
One thing that I have learned is that there are those who post 'outrageous' tales and I think those that post here regularly grow weary of this.
That said--I don't know if there is a 'good' way to end a relationship. In your scenario the guy sounds incredibly selfish and/or immature. It is not possible to have your cake and eat it, too. He asked you to leave, dissolve the relationship and should not be surprised that your ego was bruised. Not to mention the expense and inconvenience of moving again within a short period of time. Decades ago I had several roommates who for assorted reasons chose to move before leases expired---whatever the reason was it was not good enough, imo, to cause me additional expense and aggravation. I managed to keep some form of a civil relationship with most of these people.
The last one---I was angry, for quite some time. Had enough I suppose.
This is true! The whole stress of all of this has definitely added to my anger. And I know in time I will get over it.
Someone said that it seemed like it was easy for me to dump my ex which showed a lack of empathy and "thankfully" I got to see what it felt like. I'm 30 years old..these are not my first relationships! I've had to break up with men before and I've been broken up with before. I've had to deal with much worse circumstances either way it goes. I didn't get into too many details with me ending it with the old guy because I didn't want the post to be too long but it was very difficult for me to do. I couldn't eat the whole day and I had no saliva production going on in my mouth at all when I had the talk with him. And trust me, in no way was he an innocent bystander. If he had been, maybe I wouldn't have found somebody else. AND, I had given him warning that I wasn satisfied with our relationship. Man, why is everyone assuming the worst!? That's really sad.
This is true! The whole stress of all of this has definitely added to my anger. And I know in time I will get over it.
Someone said that it seemed like it was easy for me to dump my ex which showed a lack of empathy and "thankfully" I got to see what it felt like. I'm 30 years old..these are not my first relationships! I've had to break up with men before and I've been broken up with before. I've had to deal with much worse circumstances either way it goes. I didn't get into too many details with me ending it with the old guy because I didn't want the post to be too long but it was very difficult for me to do. I couldn't eat the whole day and I had no saliva production going on in my mouth at all when I had the talk with him. And trust me, in no way was he an innocent bystander. If he had been, maybe I wouldn't have found somebody else. AND, I had given him warning that I wasn satisfied with our relationship. Man, why is everyone assuming the worst!? That's really sad.
But it does give me an idea for a new thread!
LOL, that someone was me. I didn't say that it was easy for you, what I said is that it made it seem like it was "easy", like it was "nothing". I'm sure that he contributed to the break-up.
And that was exactly the way your next boyfriend broke-up with you. Boom and he is done with you, just like that.
THAT is why there is an anger. I'm sure it hurt not only because you dumped him, but HOW you dumped him.
So I recently went through a very quick and odd relationship. A guy I'd dated off and on for 2 years was going to move with me (temporarily) and we were going to try and work on being a couple again. I ended up meeting someone new and told my ex that he wouldn't be able to stay with me and we would not be together. As I expected, he was very angry. A few days later, he messages me telling me how hurt he was along with some that I took as threatening. After that, he tried again to contact me more rationally but I had nothing left to say to him and didn't want to hea what he had to say either.
The new guy and I got serious very quickly. After a week, he bought me a diamond ring. We were clear that it was a symbol of how serious he was about me and not an engagement ring. Soon after, he asked me to move in and eventually I gave in. Before I'd lived there for two weeks, he dumped me. He's been very nice and apologetic through this whole thing, but I can't help but be pissed. I, however have let him know how inconvenienced I am, but have kept most of my anger to myself. While I was moving, we had to communicate, but I kept it all very minimal as I just wanted to put the whole mess behind me. Last week, I was clearly avoiding him (we work together) and he had the nerve to get mad at me saying that he's been nice and respectful throughout this whole thing and I made him feel like I thought he was mean. I do think he's mean lol!
Why do people get so angry during break ups? I know I didn't intend to hurt my old guy and I don't think the new guy intended to hurt me.. But I can't help but be angry at him (and myself). Is it okay to feel like this? And if so, why is it okay?
Ha ha ha ha You got what you deserved!!! I love to see when ship jumpers gets tossed off the new ship!! I just love it! I know so many women this happens to, and they ALWAYS try to keep they guy they jumped ship on as a backup. Is this your plan to?
Sounds to me like karma is a beeeaaatttch!! Perhaps this experience will give you a better perspective into how your actions can make others feel and you'll be willing to exhibit a little empathy for them (since you've also felt the sting of rejection).
Exactly!! Honestly new guy never really liked the OP he just wanted the free cookies. He knew about the old guy before the old guy knew about him. Trust me on this, he knew he was stealing another mans woman, even though she thought she found greener grass. She got played. Good for her.
Feelings should always be justified, I never understood the emotional types. Its a waste of time.
I'm not in the mood to google definitions for feelings and emotions--nor do I really want/need in depth analyses of the shades of difference between the terms. They seem fairly interchangeable.
If you 'like' another then it would seem more is involved than pure intellect.
There would seemingly be some emotional response if you are told 'I don't like you anymore'.
I don't think I am capable of changing this about myself and don't plan to try.
From the number of songs, poems, plays and films that exist I believe my 'misery' will at least have plenty of company.
I'm pretty sure this concept is covered in kindergarten.
^^^^^^^
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life.
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Perhaps this experience will give you a better perspective into how your actions can make others feel and you'll be willing to exhibit a little empathy for them (since you've also felt the sting of rejection).
