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I am not sure it necessarily has to do with age. I don't being with a younger guy is wrong in this case, but that the plan is not sufficient for the ends.
I moved to this city to start graduate school 3 years ago. I met my boyfriend at school 2 years ago and we've been dating for about 1.5 years. He's 2 years younger than me and I'm 25 now. About 2 months ago I moved in with him, and he pays most of the bills for us. He says he loves me, and I know he cares about me.
Right now he is considering moving to another city for a job. I talked about marriage with him, he said he wants career and success first, and will consider marriage whenever he has achievement and money. He made it clear that he won't want to get married before he's 30, that he won't set a time line for marriage, and he asks me for more patience.
I mean, my family is putting a lot of pressure on me (they don't care whom I get married to, they just want me to be married soon after I get out of school). I really want to have a family and kids in the next 3-5 years.
I don't know why I'm getting anxious about my bf's statements - the fact that he says he's not in a rush for marriage just freaks me out. What happens if I keep waiting for him, and when I'm getting older and older, he's just not ready to even consider marriage?
Should I leave the relationship since we are going to be apart anyway? Or should I stay and just wait for him indefinitely?
First of all, you should be happy and celebrate that you have a levelheaded boyfriend that doesn't want to get married too young. Also, he wants financial stability first before starting a family, and I'd like to praise him even further for this.
Waaaay too many young couples are s****ing out kids before they can support them financially and emotionally, and plenty of those couples break up which leads to single parenting, so on and so forth.
You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your own family. If your family is putting pressure on you to marry and doesn't even care with whom, maybe there's something fundamentally wrong there? Do you make choices in your life just to get your parents pressure off of you?
I just never stop being surprised by women that aren't satisfied in their relationships when their boyfriends love and care for them, support them financially and plan for stability in the future. Especially when there are so many women out there in downright abusive relationships where men abuse them. Good luck and be patient! Whatever you do, don't give him an ultimatum.
Edit: OK, so with your bf sleeping around hrs after you broke up, he sounds like he's not emotionally connected to you, or at least wasn't. All I can say is that bsed on ou first post only, he sounded like a good guy.
Last edited by crazy_bd; 11-13-2010 at 08:22 PM..
Reason: Reading more details on the bf
First of all, you should be happy and celebrate that you have a levelheaded boyfriend that doesn't want to get married too young. Also, he wants financial stability first before starting a family, and I'd like to praise him even further for this.
Waaaay too many young couples are s****ing out kids before they can support them financially and emotionally, and plenty of those couples break up which leads to single parenting, so on and so forth.
You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your own family. If your family is putting pressure on you to marry and doesn't even care with whom, maybe there's something fundamentally wrong there? Do you make choices in your life just to get your parents pressure off of you?
I just never stop being surprised by women that aren't satisfied in their relationships when their boyfriends love and care for them, support them financially and plan for stability in the future. Especially when there are so many women out there in downright abusive relationships where men abuse them. Good luck and be patient! Whatever you do, don't give him an ultimatum.
Edit: OK, so with your bf sleeping around hrs after you broke up, he sounds like he's not emotionally connected to you, or at least wasn't. All I can say is that bsed on ou first post only, he sounded like a good guy.
WEll, regardless of how good he is, if he's not "emotionally connected" to me, then nothing else matters right?
I moved to this city to start graduate school 3 years ago. I met my boyfriend at school 2 years ago and we've been dating for about 1.5 years. He's 2 years younger than me and I'm 25 now. About 2 months ago I moved in with him, and he pays most of the bills for us. He says he loves me, and I know he cares about me.
Right now he is considering moving to another city for a job. I talked about marriage with him, he said he wants career and success first, and will consider marriage whenever he has achievement and money. He made it clear that he won't want to get married before he's 30, that he won't set a time line for marriage, and he asks me for more patience.
I mean, my family is putting a lot of pressure on me (they don't care whom I get married to, they just want me to be married soon after I get out of school). I really want to have a family and kids in the next 3-5 years.
I don't know why I'm getting anxious about my bf's statements - the fact that he says he's not in a rush for marriage just freaks me out. What happens if I keep waiting for him, and when I'm getting older and older, he's just not ready to even consider marriage?
Should I leave the relationship since we are going to be apart anyway? Or should I stay and just wait for him indefinitely?
I think he has let you know that he is the non commital type and has other priorities than what you do . I wish you would have found this out within the first year or second year at the latest to avoid the deep strings which im sure you have for him by now. Nevertheless, Id cut the strings and start meeting new guys . If he is still available and you are still available after 5 years as he says...then you could give it another try. And, please dont let your family rush or push you into marrying a person....this is a very very major decision which will impact your life greately and youll want to go at it with ALOT of objectivity in your mate selection . Tell your family youre in no rush and they should not be concerned about you. Ok ???? Final bit of advice : ALWAYS date for at least a year and preferably two years so you know the person very well under all kinds of circumstances...and....go for premarital counselling to get the advice from a professional as to your chance of a happy workable marriage. You dont need one from hell. Regards.
I think he has let you know that he is the non commital type and has other priorities than what you do . I wish you would have found this out within the first year or second year at the latest to avoid the deep strings which im sure you have for him by now. Nevertheless, Id cut the strings and start meeting new guys . If he is still available and you are still available after 5 years as he says...then you could give it another try. And, please dont let your family rush or push you into marrying a person....this is a very very major decision which will impact your life greately and youll want to go at it with ALOT of objectivity in your mate selection . Tell your family youre in no rush and they should not be concerned about you. Ok ???? Final bit of advice : ALWAYS date for at least a year and preferably two years so you know the person very well under all kinds of circumstances...and....go for premarital counselling to get the advice from a professional as to your chance of a happy workable marriage. You dont need one from hell. Regards.
We talked about this long time ago, and he even gave himself a deadline that he would let me know by this past summer whether he wanted to marry me or not. Then summer came, he said he still needed more time, but he should know by next year. I'm so tired of this.
We talked about this long time ago, and he even gave himself a deadline that he would let me know by this past summer whether he wanted to marry me or not. Then summer came, he said he still needed more time, but he should know by next year. I'm so tired of this.
Then, it'll be the summer after that, then the next new year...
We talked about this long time ago, and he even gave himself a deadline that he would let me know by this past summer whether he wanted to marry me or not. Then summer came, he said he still needed more time, but he should know by next year. I'm so tired of this.
How would you like to be married to such a person who is non commital or who cant give you the respect of a definitive answer after so long ? Such a person isnt good marriage material and i hope you can see this. Remember, whoever you decide to be engaged to down the road, make PreMarital Counselling number one on your list because you need lots of objectivity from an outsider who is trained in such things. You cant imagine how painful a divorce is , so, dont neglect a formal Pre Marital Counselling course offered in most churches and communities.
I've been wondering about this. Maybe dating a guy who's younger than me is just wrong.
Hi Ami*imA,
I would not say wrong, just more risky. When they come out and tell you not in 5 years, its pretty certain. Incidentally, he may see a huge rise in his dating market value in 5 years. That probably will not be the case with you.
For starters, don't allow your family to pressure you into anything. You're an adult. For another, don't be in such a hurry to get married to someone who isn't as jazzed about it as you are. Can't say I blame him since you are both very young, but it doesn't seem as though he loves you the same. Maybe I'm wrong, but he seems to be buying time until something better comes along.
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