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On another thread, TheImportersWife mentioned that she met her husband online. She had deleted his first two emails before responding to his third. His persistence obviously paid off. I tried online dating once. I emailed a couple of women that I was interested in. But if I didn't get a response, I just assumed she wasn't interested. Women want men to pursue. Fine, I get that. And I'm sure it's flattering if someone makes repeated attempts to pursue you. That's certainly better than someone who doesn't even bother or gives up too easily. But there's a fine line between being persistent and just being pushy. Too often, a guy will keep hitting on some woman when she's made it abundantly clear she wants nothing to do with him. The rest of us might look at him and think "dude, take a hint and move on."
So my question for the women is do you like and expect a man to make several attempts or would you prefer he move on after you've rejected him once and would you think less of him for not doing so? For the men, would you make several attempts at someone or would you just move on? Personally, I fall into the latter although there have been a few cases where I didn't just walk away after the first rejection. Maybe because I saw some signs of interest. But in general, I think there are plenty of fish in the sea and someone has to be really terrific for me to want to keep pursuing even after they've rejected me.
On another thread, TheImportersWife mentioned that she met her husband online. She had deleted his first two emails before responding to his third. His persistence obviously paid off. I tried online dating once. I emailed a couple of women that I was interested in. But if I didn't get a response, I just assumed she wasn't interested. Women want men to pursue. Fine, I get that. And I'm sure it's flattering if someone makes repeated attempts to pursue you. That's certainly better than someone who doesn't even bother or gives up too easily. But there's a fine line between being persistent and just being pushy. Too often, a guy will keep hitting on some woman when she's made it abundantly clear she wants nothing to do with him. The rest of us might look at him and think "dude, take a hint and move on."
So my question for the women is do you like and expect a man to make several attempts or would you prefer he move on after you've rejected him once and would you think less of him for not doing so? For the men, would you make several attempts at someone or would you just move on? Personally, I fall into the latter although there have been a few cases where I didn't just walk away after the first rejection. Maybe because I saw some signs of interest. But in general, I think there are plenty of fish in the sea and someone has to be really terrific for me to want to keep pursuing even after they've rejected me.
I don't see the "deleting of emails" as a rejection. I'm not looking for "several attempts"...I'm looking for something to catch my attention....catch my eye. (All in the past of course...I am in a relationship at the present.) Sometimes, I may not have time to respond, or I don't yet want to correspond - perhaps I am just starting to date someone, and am not yet certain about them, but not really am wanting to chat with another just yet. There are all kinds of reasons...but a "rejection" would be clear..I'd not leave that open for interpretation. Perhaps you are too hasty.
So my question for the women is do you like and expect a man to make several attempts
Hmm... he might catch my attention, particularly if he writes well, but is not that good-looking, which might've been the reason for dismissal the first time through. Of course, you and I hardly ever see eye to eye, so my opinion is hardly relevant.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
On another thread, TheImportersWife mentioned that she met her husband online. She had deleted his first two emails before responding to his third. His persistence obviously paid off. I tried online dating once. I emailed a couple of women that I was interested in. But if I didn't get a response, I just assumed she wasn't interested. Women want men to pursue. Fine, I get that. And I'm sure it's flattering if someone makes repeated attempts to pursue you. That's certainly better than someone who doesn't even bother or gives up too easily. But there's a fine line between being persistent and just being pushy. Too often, a guy will keep hitting on some woman when she's made it abundantly clear she wants nothing to do with him. The rest of us might look at him and think "dude, take a hint and move on."
So my question for the women is do you like and expect a man to make several attempts or would you prefer he move on after you've rejected him once and would you think less of him for not doing so? For the men, would you make several attempts at someone or would you just move on? Personally, I fall into the latter although there have been a few cases where I didn't just walk away after the first rejection. Maybe because I saw some signs of interest. But in general, I think there are plenty of fish in the sea and someone has to be really terrific for me to want to keep pursuing even after they've rejected me.
Speaking for myself, I don't think it works that way--at least not for me. If I'm unresponsive to a man at first but begin showing interest with continued attempts, it's not because I was waiting for him to be persistent. It was because something he said or did peaked my interest and I want to know more. It's not because I want to be pursued or flattered or have my ego stroked or anything.
On another thread, TheImportersWife mentioned that she met her husband online. She had deleted his first two emails before responding to his third. His persistence obviously paid off. I tried online dating once. I emailed a couple of women that I was interested in. But if I didn't get a response, I just assumed she wasn't interested. Women want men to pursue. Fine, I get that. And I'm sure it's flattering if someone makes repeated attempts to pursue you. That's certainly better than someone who doesn't even bother or gives up too easily. But there's a fine line between being persistent and just being pushy. Too often, a guy will keep hitting on some woman when she's made it abundantly clear she wants nothing to do with him. The rest of us might look at him and think "dude, take a hint and move on."
So my question for the women is do you like and expect a man to make several attempts or would you prefer he move on after you've rejected him once and would you think less of him for not doing so? For the men, would you make several attempts at someone or would you just move on? Personally, I fall into the latter although there have been a few cases where I didn't just walk away after the first rejection. Maybe because I saw some signs of interest. But in general, I think there are plenty of fish in the sea and someone has to be really terrific for me to want to keep pursuing even after they've rejected me.
I agree that some women take it overboard and really expect a man to fawn over them and chase, chase chase. I found that when I was single, as I am now. I was always very honest not only with suitors but with myself. Even if a guy pursued me, I'd listen to my intuition, even if most things were pointing to giving the guy a chance, if I had the smallest inclination that I shouldn't waste my time, then I'd listen.
I never was one of those that would not respond to a message or let the guy pursue when I wasn't 100% interested. I just find that kind of game play to be a waste of time and no one wins.
If I didn't respond to their first email, chances are I won't respond to the second. Most likely there was something or at least enough in their initial email that told me all I needed to know. Perhaps I've missed out on a couple of hidden treasures this way, but so far it's worked out for me.
I don't see the "deleting of emails" as a rejection. I'm not looking for "several attempts"...I'm looking for something to catch my attention....catch my eye. (All in the past of course...I am in a relationship at the present.) Sometimes, I may not have time to respond, or I don't yet want to correspond - perhaps I am just starting to date someone, and am not yet certain about them, but not really am wanting to chat with another just yet. There are all kinds of reasons...but a "rejection" would be clear..I'd not leave that open for interpretation. Perhaps you are too hasty.
Try to look at it from the guy's perspective. Suppose I see your profile, I like it, and then I decide to email you (which may require that I pay a fee). But a week or two goes by and I never hear from you. I have no idea what you did with my email. You might've deleted it or you might've just archived it. Maybe you just started seeing someone and want to wait to see how that goes before responding to me. Who knows? The point is that enough time has gone by for me to infer that you're either not that interested in me or you're no longer available. Either way, it should be viewed as a rejection. You say that if it were, you would make it clear. But how many women are likely to reply to every guy they're not interested in to tell them that they're not interested? Given how many emails most women get on dating sites, that would take up a lot of time to send those rejections. And what if she's no longer a paid member? Is she going to renew just so she can send a rejection? Most women I know would never bother doing this. Instead, they just wouldn't reply and let the guy infer whatever he wants. And if by chance a woman I emailed responded back to me a month or two later, I doubt I would find that very flattering. If anything, I'd find it rather insulting.
And if by chance a woman I emailed responded back to me a month or two later, I doubt I would find that very flattering. If anything, I'd find it rather insulting.
Because she didn't send you "thanks, but no thanks" at first? As you said, she might've been involved with somebody at the time and that might've not worked out. That's why it's better to send polite replies to people because one may change his/her mind for one reason or another.
After seeing how poor the response rate was on dating sites, I almost never initiated contact, and let the women contact me first. After that, I'd do my best to keep the exchange going until we either met or it somehow fizzled. It worked out very well, with far less wasted time and effort on both sides. In my mind, good bait trumps a hard chase.
Denny, I don't do online dating so I don't know about the whole multiple emails thing. When I ask a girl out it's face to face or sometimes on the phone, I hate doing it over the phone but sometimes there's just no other opportunity. Anyway...I've yet to have a girl say no upfront, but I have had a few cancel the date. If she doesn't have a really good reason and make it very clear that she DOES still want to go out with me, I won't ask again. Same goes for after the first date. If it doesn't look like it's going anywhere I won't ask her out for a second date.
Maybe I have missed out on a girlfriend or two because of not being 'persistent'. But I'd rather risk a few misses than get a reputation for being a pest. Besides, I figure women know their own feelings and I expect them to be honest with me, so if they say no I take it as a no. No matter how great I think they might be.
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