U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 11-03-2010, 04:43 PM
 
1,839 posts, read 3,782,212 times
Reputation: 1483

Advertisements

So a couple of days ago my bf who is currently living in Mexico didn't answer his phone for almost the entire day, not until 10:30 pm did he answer.

I like to pick my battles so I didn't fly off the handle I just asked him "what he did the entire day and why he couldn't answer my calls?" A cool camper I like to say that I am but there was a hint of agitated in my voice, a small hint not much (I mean phone calls are all we have to maintain our relationship at the moment and he can't answer his... this I did not say btw), but it was enough to set him off. He started yelling about all the important things he has to do, for example that particular day he HADdd to go to a get together with friends and family then go to bingo ... very important.

Anyways I try to diffuse the bomb but nothing calmed him down and after insulting and yelling at me for about 30 minutes I had to call him on the fact that going out all the time and dropping everything becaues someone invites you to ... whatever... aren't important things. This is supposed to be about him helping his mother not having fun going to parties every week and pushing me to the back burner... and then he hung up on me.

Next day same thing, I try to start the day off right with a good morning call not mentioning what happened the night before but he's still fuming and yelling and reasoning just wouldn't work, anything I said made him angrier then he hung up on me again. And if it wasn't bad enough that he is disrespecting me he tells his mother, who answers my next call, to hang up on me.

WTF? Is this an open and shut case... should I leave this dude? I mean what am I getting out of this? Nothing but stress, a lover I no longer recognize, and his bills and the impending ticket costs for visiting him...

You guys always have something good to say... help!

Last edited by yankeegirl313; 11-03-2010 at 05:15 PM.. Reason: unnecessary
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-03-2010, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,632,925 times
Reputation: 39991
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
So a couple of days ago my bf who is currently living in Mexico didn't answer his phone for almost the entire day, not until 10:30 pm did he answer.

I like to pick my battles so I didn't fly off the handle I just asked him "what he did the entire day and why he couldn't answer my calls?" A cool camper I like to say that I am but there was a hint of agitated in my voice, a small hint not much (I mean phone calls are all we have to maintain our relationship at the moment and he can't answer his... this I did not say btw), but it was enough to set him off. He started yelling about all the important things he has to do, for example that particular day he HADdd to go to a get together with friends and family then go to bingo ... very important.

Anyways I try to diffuse the bomb but nothing calmed him down and after insulting and yelling at me for about 30 minutes I had to call him on the fact that going out all the time and dropping everything becaues someone invites you to ... whatever... aren't important things. This is supposed to be about him helping his mother not having fun going to parties every week and pushing me to the back burner... and then he hung up on me.

Next day same thing, I try to start the day off right with a good morning call not mentioning what happened the night before but he's still fuming and yelling and reasoning just wouldn't work, anything I said made him angrier then he hung up on me again. And if it wasn't bad enough that he is disrespecting me he tells his mother, who answers my next call, to hang up on me.

WTF? Is this an open and shut case... should I leave this dude? I mean what am I getting out of this? Nothing but stress, a lover I no longer recognize, and his bills and the impending ticket costs for visiting him...

You guys always have something good to say... help!
You know the answers to your questions...you just don't want to face them.

Last edited by yankeegirl313; 11-03-2010 at 05:15 PM..
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 23,384,968 times
Reputation: 24049
He is feeling guilty... Yep!
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 06:02 PM
 
19 posts, read 45,969 times
Reputation: 15
if he doesnt realize how he hurt you by saying those things to you or hanging up on you, then it's probably not for the best that you guys are together.

but the thing is sometimes without knowing you may be smothering him without knowing. guys need there space. im the same way as you, id call my boyfriend throughout the day to see how hes doing (our normal ritual). like one time he wouldnt pick his phone up. i ask him why he hasnt picked up the phone and he says its because he left it in his car that day, and by the time he checked all the missed calls it was late so he didnt call me back.. then we would get into an arguement as well..

well long story short we both realized that as much as we depended on each other, we also needed space as well. i think that even though your intention was good to start off right the next morning, your bf probably still needed time to cool off a bit. so give him a little time to breathe, and if he doesnt apologize for his mistakes, then ya .. i think you know what you should do.
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 06:51 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,082 posts, read 25,220,621 times
Reputation: 18069
recuerdeme

So a couple of days ago my bf who is currently living in Mexico didn't answer his phone for almost the entire day, not until 10:30 pm did he answer.

I like to pick my battles so I didn't fly off the handle

(I mean phone calls are all we have to maintain our relationship at the moment and he can't answer his... this I did not say btw),

I don't think you pick you battles as carefully as your telling yourself.

Simply because calls are the means of maintaining the relationship, doesn't give you the right to monitor him from your phone.

I don't suppose you believe in the courtesy of allowing him to return the call at his convienence.



He started yelling about all the important things he has to do,
Anyways I try to diffuse the bomb but nothing calmed him down and after insulting and yelling at me for about 30 minutes

anything I said made him angrier then he hung up on me again. And if it wasn't bad enough that he is disrespecting me he tells his mother, who answers my next call, to hang up on me.

He has anger issues....red flag.
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 06:54 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,227 posts, read 14,941,380 times
Reputation: 9125
Very disrespectful. I'd say he's hiding something, based on the scenario you are presenting.
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 06:57 PM
 
5,013 posts, read 8,137,039 times
Reputation: 5722
Was he hung over? Does he drink a lot?

Is he by nature an aggressive guy? Anger management issues?

Does he not like being questioned by you? Is he mostly a private person, leaving you to guess what goes on in his life?


Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,011 posts, read 26,676,289 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
So a couple of days ago my bf who is currently living in Mexico didn't answer his phone for almost the entire day, not until 10:30 pm did he answer.

I like to pick my battles so I didn't fly off the handle I just asked him "what he did the entire day and why he couldn't answer my calls?" A cool camper I like to say that I am but there was a hint of agitated in my voice, a small hint not much (I mean phone calls are all we have to maintain our relationship at the moment and he can't answer his... this I did not say btw), but it was enough to set him off. He started yelling about all the important things he has to do, for example that particular day he HADdd to go to a get together with friends and family then go to bingo ... very important.

Anyways I try to diffuse the bomb but nothing calmed him down and after insulting and yelling at me for about 30 minutes I had to call him on the fact that going out all the time and dropping everything becaues someone invites you to ... whatever... aren't important things. This is supposed to be about him helping his mother not having fun going to parties every week and pushing me to the back burner... and then he hung up on me.

Next day same thing, I try to start the day off right with a good morning call not mentioning what happened the night before but he's still fuming and yelling and reasoning just wouldn't work, anything I said made him angrier then he hung up on me again. And if it wasn't bad enough that he is disrespecting me he tells his mother, who answers my next call, to hang up on me.

WTF? Is this an open and shut case... should I leave this dude? I mean what am I getting out of this? Nothing but stress, a lover I no longer recognize, and his bills and the impending ticket costs for visiting him...

You guys always have something good to say... help!
If I may ask, why is he in Mexico?? Did he get deported??
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2010, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,410 posts, read 18,678,603 times
Reputation: 18531
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
WTF? Is this an open and shut case... should I leave this dude? I mean what am I getting out of this? Nothing but stress, a lover I no longer recognize, and his bills and the impending ticket costs for visiting him...

You guys always have something good to say... help!
Sounds to me like you're looking for an out, but you haven't got the nerve to pull the plug yet. I see more negative than positive in your thread. Not a whole lot of compelling reasons to stick around.
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2010, 07:22 AM
 
1,839 posts, read 3,782,212 times
Reputation: 1483
Well last night things cooled down and we were talking normally and yesterday we were talking normally, but for some unknown reason he rushes me off the phone saying that he had to take his mother to the store at that precise moment and absolutely had to end the phone call. I said ok, and he said he'd call back later.

Later never happened. I finally say f- it and call him at 11 pm his mother has no idea where he is. I call him at 12 his mother has no idea where he is. I go to sleep and call him this morning he tells me he was at his sisters house. But I had called his sister as well and she had no idea where he was, so he finally tells me he went drinking with the nephew of a friend. WTF? He doesn't even know the guy.

Needless to say I'm not believing him, first he lies saying he was at his sisters then he says he's drinking with a guy he barely knows until 2 in the morning??? Highly unlikely right? This isn't the way to start the day...
Rate this post positively Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top