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Well, I suspect that if someone gets your attention and you would like to see more of them, then....ask them out. I'll admit it is a bit scary asking someone out for the first time, I don't think anyone has died from it yet, regardless of the answer/outcome to the invitation. My wife asked me out the first time and a few others as we were dating. When something came up that one or the other of us would like to attend, we asked. It worked out fairly well, we've been married for ten yrs now. I don't think the term "chasing" ever entered my mind, we just enjoyed each others' company--------- still do.
I don't mind "pursuing" a guy, once I don't get the feeling that I'm stalking him lol. If I think back to all the convos that we've had and I initiated all of them then I might bring it up and see his reaction. Bottom line: If I'm always calling/ texting you and you aren't doing the same to me, maybe I'm more into you than vice versa. And if that's the case, I might as well end it now before I get really attached to a dysfunctional friendship or relationship lol. Honestly that can happen w/ friends to. I have one friend that only ever calls to talk about her drama. A lopsided friendship is just as bad as a lopsided pseudo-relationship.
I agree which is exactly why a guy doesnt like when hes the one constantly chasing either
Heres a new concept to some.....mutual interest!!!!!!!!!
All these childish games seem like an extremely early power play from women whove been burned in the past..
Let the past go or youre gonna ruin the present and future
Yeah that's what killed me with this one girl. I mean, she'd take anywhere from 4 hours to like 32 hours to respond to a text message, and it just got annoying fast. At first I thought, look, she's busy, no big deal, she has a lot going on. Then after a few times of this, I thought wait a minute I'm the older guy, the writer-director, the one she should be wanting to get to know here, I'm busier than she is! Why is she taking so damn long to text back every time?
I remember dating a girl who was kind of like this. I'd text or email her and it would take a while for her to respond. But if I wasn't immediate with my replies, she took it personally.
Haha, yeah I agree with what you said Denny. I also try to remember that -- being a person who values fairness and logic highly -- it is not a new girl's fault that I've had bad experiences with other girls, and it would be immensely unfair to punish her for it. That gets you nowhere, and nobody likes someone with a bad attitude or who is pessimistic, either. But I have to admit it is harder and harder to just pretend like I'm completely enthused to be reliving Groundhog Day over and over again, haha. I mean even if I can hide it from her, which I can, in my mind at least I'm definitely thinking of all of the warning signs from the past and wondering if this is going to be yet another bad experience.
It also makes me feel pretty stupid. I mean, if you put your hand on a hot stove and it burned your hand, you wouldn't do it again, generally. I feel as if I've put my hand on the hot stove 50 times, gotten the same reaction every time, and never had an actually legitimately good experience, and so to be excited about that 51st time seems at best naive and at worst just flat-out stupid, haha. That's why as it stands right now, I'm completely unmotivated to put any effort into meeting new girls or really put any effort into girls at all. If I put effort into my career, I get results, really good ones, that are satisfying and worthwhile. Putting effort into girls, it is actually a negative by far, because not only is there nothing to show for it, but it starts damaging other parts of my life because it's not fun and saps my energy. That's just not something I can really justify in a cost-benefit analysis, haha.
Does a guy like to be chased? Yes, if the girl is hot.
Does he like to do the chasing? Yes, if the girl is hot.
Will he sit through a poetry reading with her? Yes, if the girl is hot.
Does he like a woman with an IQ the size of a peanut? Yes, if the girl is hot.
Haha, yeah I agree with what you said Denny. I also try to remember that -- being a person who values fairness and logic highly -- it is not a new girl's fault that I've had bad experiences with other girls, and it would be immensely unfair to punish her for it. That gets you nowhere, and nobody likes someone with a bad attitude or who is pessimistic, either. But I have to admit it is harder and harder to just pretend like I'm completely enthused to be reliving Groundhog Day over and over again, haha. I mean even if I can hide it from her, which I can, in my mind at least I'm definitely thinking of all of the warning signs from the past and wondering if this is going to be yet another bad experience.
It also makes me feel pretty stupid. I mean, if you put your hand on a hot stove and it burned your hand, you wouldn't do it again, generally. I feel as if I've put my hand on the hot stove 50 times, gotten the same reaction every time, and never had an actually legitimately good experience, and so to be excited about that 51st time seems at best naive and at worst just flat-out stupid, haha. That's why as it stands right now, I'm completely unmotivated to put any effort into meeting new girls or really put any effort into girls at all. If I put effort into my career, I get results, really good ones, that are satisfying and worthwhile. Putting effort into girls, it is actually a negative by far, because not only is there nothing to show for it, but it starts damaging other parts of my life because it's not fun and saps my energy. That's just not something I can really justify in a cost-benefit analysis, haha.
Well, could it be the women you are selecting? Many men hit on the hottest women without giving even any second thoughts to any others.
It also makes me feel pretty stupid. I mean, if you put your hand on a hot stove and it burned your hand, you wouldn't do it again, generally. I feel as if I've put my hand on the hot stove 50 times, gotten the same reaction every time, and never had an actually legitimately good experience, and so to be excited about that 51st time seems at best naive and at worst just flat-out stupid, haha. That's why as it stands right now, I'm completely unmotivated to put any effort into meeting new girls or really put any effort into girls at all. If I put effort into my career, I get results, really good ones, that are satisfying and worthwhile. Putting effort into girls, it is actually a negative by far, because not only is there nothing to show for it, but it starts damaging other parts of my life because it's not fun and saps my energy. That's just not something I can really justify in a cost-benefit analysis, haha.
The thing you have to keep telling yourself is that not all stoves are the same. haha. But dating, like any pursuit, requires you invest a certain amount of time and energy and if you've done that 50 times before and it failed, then naturally you're going to be reluctant to do much that 51st time, especially if you know it'll take away from other areas of your life.
Well, could it be the women you are selecting? Many men hit on the hottest women without giving even any second thoughts to any others.
Eh, not really, I mean obviously I want to date really attractive girls, but I've went out with plenty of just cute girls who I thought, well, she is at least cute, if we click well and she has a great personality, that'd be ok too. She has to be at least cute, you know like a solid 7 out of 10, but actually if anything the more experiences I have, the more I have adjusted my standards UPWARDS not downwards in looks.
It was wrong of me to think that merely cute girls may be "sweeter" or easier to get along with than smoking hot model caliber girls. They're ALL a pain in the butt, so if I'm going to go out of my way to spend time and energy on a girl, may as well make it a gorgeous one who is WORTH the annoyance of it all, haha. At least I've went on a few dates this year with girls who were way hotter than any girls I had dated before, even if things didn't really go anywhere, at least I was the one ending the contact. It's more satisfying when you think, yeah, I went out with her, yeah, she was hot, no she wasn't worth pursuing any further. Rather than just getting flat-out rejected, lol.
One thing I've found true is girls will always, always say something like, "It must be the kind of girls you go for," or "Maybe you're doing the same things wrong every time," or something like this. There is always some sort of reason, because people love to make reasons for things, we always have, but sometimes it really is just somewhat random bad luck combined with not meeting people you click with, another form of bad luck I suppose. I would tend to agree that if someone got rejected repeatedly, they're probably doing something wrong. But of the girls I've dated, I've only been the one getting dumped one time, and that was my longest term relationship, the last one, and she dumped me because she felt too guilty to keep dating me, you know, considering she had cheated on me in her words 8 times with 3 guys, but we later found out that was probably a bit of a low count, lol. She didn't consider it cheating if it was not sex, or if the guy couldn't get it up, it wasn't cheating, even though they were naked together. Huh, call me old fashioned, I guess I have a stricter definition of cheating So that was the only time I didn't end the relationship / dating / contact myself. The rest of the times, just bad experiences, no reason to continue.
That being said, I see some of my friends who have had good overall experiences, and assume that like anything, eventually, hopefully, I'll have better luck. Although I have to admit it is tougher each year to believe that, and I've more or less lost faith in that happening any time soon. I'm resigned to wait until I'm far more successful and rich, and if that means attracting a different type of girl, ok, that's fine, as long as I get what I want too, then whatever. Right now the balance of power is obnoxious to me and I don't have the patience. Hot girls feel they are the commodity, they are the rare ones, so they can treat you however. You can either choose not to deal with them (which I don't, usually) and date other girls (which I don't, either), play their games and basically eat your dignity, or whatever other options may exist. Or, you can be patient, and wait until you can shift the balance of power. Easier said than done, but if I were a very well established, rich director, I'm the commodity, and they know that, so I'd rather be patient and wait until the ball is in my court, I have the power, and I can behave like they do now -- so many options, if they don't pursue me, I just move on. You put yourself in a winning position, you don't have to work at it anymore, they come to you. And since I know guys in this position much older than me, I see, I observe, and I like it! lol
Eh, not really, I mean obviously I want to date really attractive girls, but I've went out with plenty of just cute girls who I thought, well, she is at least cute, if we click well and she has a great personality, that'd be ok too. She has to be at least cute, you know like a solid 7 out of 10, but actually if anything the more experiences I have, the more I have adjusted my standards UPWARDS not downwards in looks.
It was wrong of me to think that merely cute girls may be "sweeter" or easier to get along with than smoking hot model caliber girls. They're ALL a pain in the butt, so if I'm going to go out of my way to spend time and energy on a girl, may as well make it a gorgeous one who is WORTH the annoyance of it all, haha. At least I've went on a few dates this year with girls who were way hotter than any girls I had dated before, even if things didn't really go anywhere, at least I was the one ending the contact. It's more satisfying when you think, yeah, I went out with her, yeah, she was hot, no she wasn't worth pursuing any further. Rather than just getting flat-out rejected, lol.
One thing I've found true is girls will always, always say something like, "It must be the kind of girls you go for," or "Maybe you're doing the same things wrong every time," or something like this. There is always some sort of reason, because people love to make reasons for things, we always have, but sometimes it really is just somewhat random bad luck combined with not meeting people you click with, another form of bad luck I suppose. I would tend to agree that if someone got rejected repeatedly, they're probably doing something wrong. But of the girls I've dated, I've only been the one getting dumped one time, and that was my longest term relationship, the last one, and she dumped me because she felt too guilty to keep dating me, you know, considering she had cheated on me in her words 8 times with 3 guys, but we later found out that was probably a bit of a low count, lol. She didn't consider it cheating if it was not sex, or if the guy couldn't get it up, it wasn't cheating, even though they were naked together. Huh, call me old fashioned, I guess I have a stricter definition of cheating So that was the only time I didn't end the relationship / dating / contact myself. The rest of the times, just bad experiences, no reason to continue.
That being said, I see some of my friends who have had good overall experiences, and assume that like anything, eventually, hopefully, I'll have better luck. Although I have to admit it is tougher each year to believe that, and I've more or less lost faith in that happening any time soon. I'm resigned to wait until I'm far more successful and rich, and if that means attracting a different type of girl, ok, that's fine, as long as I get what I want too, then whatever. Right now the balance of power is obnoxious to me and I don't have the patience. Hot girls feel they are the commodity, they are the rare ones, so they can treat you however. You can either choose not to deal with them (which I don't, usually) and date other girls (which I don't, either), play their games and basically eat your dignity, or whatever other options may exist. Or, you can be patient, and wait until you can shift the balance of power. Easier said than done, but if I were a very well established, rich director, I'm the commodity, and they know that, so I'd rather be patient and wait until the ball is in my court, I have the power, and I can behave like they do now -- so many options, if they don't pursue me, I just move on. You put yourself in a winning position, you don't have to work at it anymore, they come to you. And since I know guys in this position much older than me, I see, I observe, and I like it! lol
Yeah ive found out just becasue a women may be average or less attractive doesnt mean shell be more approachable..
Just hit on women you find attrtacive not ones that you think will be easier to get or more friedly because she may not be that hot..
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So that was the only time I didn't end the relationship / dating / contact myself. The rest of the times, just bad experiences, no reason to continue.
