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She is one of those people that as long as the conversation is taking place, even if it is you screaming profanities at her.... that IS conversation and it gives her hope and reason to keep at it.. She is a USER, she uses people by bullying them into doing what she wants, and she is a PRO at it. She know all the tricks of taking full advantage of other people. She KNOWS what she is doing! Never doubt that!!
I don't care if she waits a year to call you, DO NOT give her that INCH by talking to her.. You owe her NOTHING! Tell your husband when he hears her voice, HANG up the phone, you will not take her calls! If she is at the door, tell him do NOT answer it or slam it in her face if he does. If she leave you plants, drag them to the edge of the road and put a sign on them "FREE PLANTS" or take them and dump them in that area she expects you to help her clean. As long as you accept and use her "gifts" she has part of that inch!
You better forget being nice or feeling sorry for her or you will never get rid of her...
and by the way... I do not have caller ID and don't want it and I have been known to completely disconnect my phone from the wall for days!
One trick I LOVE to use with those annoying callers is to tell whoever it is to just hang on a minute and lay the phone down, put on some HORRIABLE music blaring at them and just walk away for a hour or more! (I LOVE doing that one) How long would she wait and listen to that horriable music?
There is a word that you need to add and use repeatedly in your vocabulary and that word is NO!!!
NO! I cannot help you. NO! I don't want your plants. NO! Get off my property or I'll call the cops. Block her emails, hang up on her. Slam the door on her. No reason to even be remotely polite.
Mattie Jo, I feel for you but you really are your own worst enemy which is what many posters have already told you but I thought another push from someone around your age (I'm a month away from 65) might resonate some more!
I was in my 30s before I was really able to say no. I would waffle around because I didn't want to offend anyone, and I got into all sorts of pickles because of it. The first time I said no to somebody who asked me to do something I really didn't have the time or the energy to do, I awaited with trepidation what I thought would be a total onslaught of disparagement and questioning. Imagine my total surprise when the person said, "Oh, OK, no problem, just thought I'd ask"! It was a major turning point. And you can do it even at your age. Old dogs CAN learn!
I've always been open to learning something new and continue to be because surely that's what life is all about - a continual learning process. A stick-in-the-mud who never learns will go through life until the last breath being miserable.
As has been said by so many who've responded to your post, ridding yourself of this woman is really pretty easy once you put your mind to it. Tell her no, follow through and then just bloody well ignore the silly cow, period. She can only mess with you if you allow her to do so. She'll probably find another victim in due course!
Good luck and, if you follow through with the ignore routine which others have suggested, she'll be quickly out of your life. Not only will you be able to breathe a deep sigh of relief that this episode is over and done with but you will have learned to say no and feel good about it in the future. Cheers!
Laura, I know I gave you are rep, but I wanted to respond to this:
Quote:
She is one of those people that as long as the conversation is taking place, even if it is you screaming profanities at her.... that IS conversation and it gives her hope and reason to keep at it.. She is a USER, she uses people by bullying them into doing what she wants, and she is a PRO at it. She know all the tricks of taking full advantage of other people. She KNOWS what she is doing! Never doubt that!!
I read this again this a.m. You are so right. I imagine that I could even cuss her out and she would just wait until I calmed down and call me again. She is really being so nice about this by not responding, which of course is a manipulation, and she can say that I am doing all the ranting, and she is just being nice. When I read In Sheep's Clothing it said that they certainly know what they are doing and know how to push your buttons to get you to do things their way.
STT. Yes, I am my worse enemy. I can use all the pushes I can get. I never used to do volunteer work, but then being new in this town I began joining groups in order to meet people. I learned that they want you to work, and if you work a little, they keep pushing for more. She is the worse. I quit three groups already, but it was very easy to do. They took no for an answer and understood why I couldn't help. I am certainly going to learn to get this woman out of my life. Every sucker this woman finds leaves Garden Club quit or just learns to say No and mean it. I remember being there one day and she asked for a raise of hands to work in the park. No one raised their hands, but she called people, and some finally gave in. I didn't with that job. I had Garden Club members comment that she will work me. When I didn't come to the last meeting someone asked her if I was too tired because she overworked me, so I didn't come.
Now I just go to a fun knitting group and a reading club, and I have met people that way.
An update. she came over and apologized, and i forgave her. she said, just say NO. so we went out for fun, and all the sudden she said, "if i had my pickup we could go get grass bags." i did what she did, i pretended i didn't hear what she said. come spring if she does this again, i will run. someone told me if she comes over with gifts, to relieve my guilt, give her a gift back, like cookies. and i know that will work. i believe i am free until spring and then i will have to really back off. i only know that i will never get grass bags with her again or even go along on the ride to get them.
so you went out for fun with her???You are setting yourself up (again) for more anxiety and hardship in the future..Hopefully you won't allow her to use you again, but she probably will try..
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