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When I run into people who need to debate every little thing I run the other way....It's a big turn-off...They come across as "know-it-alls" to me...They would rather turn me into their "opponent" than be my friend and this is sad. They are "losers" not "winners" like they think.
When I run into people who need to debate every little thing I run the other way....It's a big turn-off...They come across as "know-it-alls" to me...They would rather turn me into their "opponent" than be my friend and this is sad. They are "losers" not "winners" like they think.
I agree. I don't need devil's advocates for friends. I want friends so that I can have a good time and enjoy myself with them, which requires similar views and validation. Obviously, there are topics on which you don't see eye to eye, but it's enough to say what you think about them and leave it that without getting into heated "debates"/arguments about it. I have enough other sources of irritation! I had a long-term sort of "friend" of this nature I finally had enough of recently. There were other reasons for no longer getting along, but that was a biggie.
I agree. I don't need devil's advocates for friends. I want friends so that I can have a good time and enjoy myself with them, which requires similar views and validation. Obviously, there are topics on which you don't see eye to eye, but it's enough to say what you think about them and leave it that without getting into heated "debates"/arguments about it. I have enough other sources of irritation! I had a long-term sort of "friend" of this nature I finally had enough of recently. There were other reasons for no longer getting along, but that was a biggie.
Sorry about the hassles with your so-called friend. Good that you finally got out of the relationship....I had a longtime friend like this too and it took me years to wake-up and wise-up to all of her games...She would get defensive and say that she was playing the "devil's advocate" to get me to see more "sides." But I am the kind of person who tries hard to look at many "sides" myself....I think my friend was jealous of me and extremely competitive with me....She wanted to "play mama" or "big sister" and stay in the "one-up" position all the time. I saw her "true colors" a few months ago when my husband passed away....She didn't have any patience for my grief and feelings of loss....I had to end the relationship to have peace of mind. Having silly debates everyday over the length of my grief wasn't healthy for me...She kept telling me to "grow-up" and get over things fast even though my husband had only been dead a few weeks...I had been married for 24 years. Guess she was probably jealous because nobody else asked her to marry them after her first husband left her decades ago. Who knows? But her behavior was not caring or appropriate and I'm glad I finally ended the relationship. Should have done it years before. Good riddance!!
When I have conversations with friends and loved ones I don't want to turn every little thing into a debate...I don't want to play "point/counter point" all the time...I want to have friendly and non-competitive discussions where we all take turns sharing our thoughts and feelings and experiences with each other...Do you run into people who are addicted to debating? Just curious...Thanks.
Obviously it's going to depend on the subjects you bring up. People have strong opinions about certain things and if you say something they disagree with, don't be surprised when it does escalate into an argument. But I do think some people are itching to get into an argument, not necessarily because of the subject, but rather the person they're with. Sometimes, you could be having an argument with someone over one thing, but really the person has a gripe with you over something else.
Denny...Thanks for posting. Talking about controversial and "touchy" subjects like politics and religion is one thing...This can be 'dangerous territory." What I've noticed is that some people have a need to turn most everything into a debate and this gets irritating and annoying. It's not fun to be around people who want to debate everything. Sometimes I am with people who have beliefs that I don't really agree with but they are nice people and sincere and they mean no harm to me....In cases like this I just listen and let them talk. I don't have a need to inject my views into each and every conversation and debate the whole world....Why? It's a little different with close friends. Part of being close is being honest with each other but I don't want to start heated debates with close friends either. I'd rather have friendly and respectfuf discussions where no one tries to convert or change each other. Debates can make mincemeat out of friendships when they get out of hand and happen on a regular basis. Yuk!
Denny...Thanks for posting. Talking about controversial and "touchy" subjects like politics and religion is one thing...This can be 'dangerous territory." What I've noticed is that some people have a need to turn most everything into a debate and this gets irritating and annoying. It's not fun to be around people who want to debate everything. Sometimes I am with people who have beliefs that I don't really agree with but they are nice people and sincere and they mean no harm to me....In cases like this I just listen and let them talk. I don't have a need to inject my views into each and every conversation and debate the whole world....Why? It's a little different with close friends. Part of being close is being honest with each other but I don't want to start heated debates with close friends either. I'd rather have friendly and respectfuf discussions where no one tries to convert or change each other. Debates can make mincemeat out of friendships when they get out of hand and happen on a regular basis. Yuk!
In the workplace, I've had to listen to people whose politics greatly differs from mine. Since I'm not part of the conversation and since it's not the appropriate place to have such a discussion in the first place, I just tune it out. But amongst friends and family, it's not always easy. Someone says something that you don't just strongly disagree with, you might even find it slightly offensive. Then it becomes hard to keep quiet. I have strong political views, but I rarely just toss them out amongst my friends, unless I know they're likely to feel the same way. But if I can't be sure that others in the group will agree, I'll avoid saying anything. What I've learned though is that if you say nothing in response to something you disagree with, the person saying it will interpret your silence as tacit agreement.
When I have conversations with friends and loved ones I don't want to turn every little thing into a debate...I don't want to play "point/counter point" all the time...I want to have friendly and non-competitive discussions where we all take turns sharing our thoughts and feelings and experiences with each other...Do you run into people who are addicted to debating? Just curious...Thanks.
I've run into people who will not accept that someone else has a different opinion than theres.
How VERY, VERY true!! I don't really back-down from a debate or disagreement, unless I see it necessary. I don't go "hog wild" over disagreements either. Some folks REALLY get pi**ed off when someone doesn't agree with them.
The statement, "let's just agree to disagree" is a very good statement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Obviously it's going to depend on the subjects you bring up. People have strong opinions about certain things and if you say something they disagree with, don't be surprised when it does escalate into an argument. But I do think some people are itching to get into an argument, not necessarily because of the subject, but rather the person they're with. Sometimes, you could be having an argument with someone over one thing, but really the person has a gripe with you over something else.
If I'm not close to people and rarely see them I don't need to share all of my beliefs and views with them....I can just let them talk and I excuse myself as soon as I can and go about my business...I don't want to get stuck in debates with them....Life is just too shart. People like this are too stuck on themselves to form many views or opinions about other people...They are just looking for an audience and anyone will do. It doesn't have to be...
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