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Some relationships are full of unresolved issues and "old baggage." Most of the time this "old stuff" sits below the surface and doesn't rear it's head but yet it's always "there." When someobody is having a "bad hair day" it's easy to bring some of the issues up and pick a fight or start a heated debate. Have you noticed this?.I guess these would probably be called "toxic relationships." One or both people in the relationship retains a "stash of amunition" and they bring up these "hot issues" and unresolved issues when they have an "ax to grind."....Pretty sad and immature too. Don't you think? It's nice to have relationships that are more "free and clear" and peaceful with no leftover "baggage" from the past.
I think everyone has their triggers, and not necessarily specific to past romantic relationships. I dated a guy who, at age 32, was still not over the fact his parents divorced when he was 3. It really had an impact on him, and his own relationships.
I don't want to hold grudges and stay mad and "play blackmail" with people anymore...I've been staying firm and pushing for resolution with people lately...Some of the stuff that comes up sure seems ugly and mind boggling. How could I have been so blind and allowed things to go on for so long? Where was my head? Guess I just wanted to be nice and sweet and didn't want to create any waves...I wanted to believe that "all was well." I didn't want to tamper with much...I take it as a sign of health that I am finally strong enough to push more issues up to the surface now....Never mind that the world is crumbling all around me and I'm suddenly left alone....I'm tired of being controlled and secretly blamed and manipulated....I'm tired of being "blackmailed" and having things held over my head....Let the "old baggage" come out....Time to face reality and dump the games and "baloney" in the trash can......No more insinuations....No more running the other way and living in fear of being exposed as "bad" or inferior.....Time to turn the tables and insist that we "stay on topic" and hash it all out once and for all because I am tired of hearing the same "garbage" and inuendoes over and over again....I'll apologize for my mistakes. And others need to apologize for their mistakes too so we can move forward and put the past and "old baggage" behind us once and for all and move on to peace and love and caring and mutual respect and admiration. Amen....P/S.. If someone wants to keep playing games then they need to find someone new to "kick around"...not me anymore!
Everyone has some amount of baggage. Even if they say they've dealt with it, you can't be sure. Sometimes all they've really done is swept it under the rug.
We all have a past. Some of us deal with it better than others. Some hurts just never go away. If you are in a relationship with someone and care about them why would you want to bring up something painful to them? Best to leave some things alone.
We all have a past. Some of us deal with it better than others. Some hurts just never go away. If you are in a relationship with someone and care about them why would you want to bring up something painful to them? Best to leave some things alone.
You don't always know what someone's sore spots are. And sometimes they tell you they're over something, but they're really not. For example, someone could be divorced and say they're past whatever issues there were in their previous marriage. But then you find them comparing you to their ex and looking for signs that you might turn out to be like their ex. Then before you know it, the issue they said they were over comes up and you both discover they're not over it.
Even though it can be painful and ugly at times in the end I think it's best to try to "go deep" and let the feelings bubble up to the surface...When we have an infection in our tooth or our arm or leg we can't just cover it up with a bandaid and expect it to heal...We have to take antibiotics and put ointment on the wound in order for it to heal deep down at the roots...I view relationships the same way....When I try to deal with deep emotional wounds in a shallow way they won't heal either...I'm tired of skirting issues. It's like living a lie and pretending that everything is fine when this isn't really true....Putting things on the back-burner doesn't prevent flare-ups...They happen anyway when old issues aren't fully resolved or addressed....I don't want to skate on thin ice all the time to avoid conflicts...I've done this for too many years...The past keeps coming back to haunt me....I should have taken more responsibility for the longstanding problems early-on....before they grew into giant mountains of debris...Oh well...better late than not at all. All of the gunk has to come up first before an infection can start to heal. This is how I feel anyway.
You don't always know what someone's sore spots are. And sometimes they tell you they're over something, but they're really not. For example, someone could be divorced and say they're past whatever issues there were in their previous marriage. But then you find them comparing you to their ex and looking for signs that you might turn out to be like their ex. Then before you know it, the issue they said they were over comes up and you both discover they're not over it.
It's hard to do anything in one single shot...I think we heal in stages all through our life...I felt like I healed everything with my Dad and ex's earlier in life but I found out that I had more layers to heal when I married my last husband (who recently passed away.)...Something would come up (as you mentioned in your post) that felt deeper than my current feelings and situation.....It's no fun to feel pain but I welcomed the chance to do more healing from my past too....I felt better in the long run and gained more understanding about myself. I shared my issues from the past with my husband and it brought us even closer....I am usually such a strong and all-together kind of person but I embrace my vulnerabilities and share my other sides with the people I love. ....It's all part of the human experience. This is how I feel anyway.
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