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I come from a very dysfunctional and judgmental family. My relationship with my parents is average. I feel if I ever get married, it would be private and I won't alarm my parents about it. I feel that they might ruin my relationship if they happen to meet someone I'm with.
As selfish as I may sound, I dealt with enough criticism from them based on my life decisions. There's no way I'll give them a chance to do it again, not when it comes to marrying.
Are there any married couples to keep their relationships a secret from families, or friends for that matter? Did anyone of you have private ceremonies?
How could you keep a secret like this from your family? Would you lie? Why not just tell the truth, and ignore their criticism? I can't see any normal person going along with this type of deception. Your relationship with your family sounds very dysfunctional if you feel like you need to lie to them, so, why even talk to them at all?
When you learn how to be your own person and stand behind your decisions, their validation or approval will be less important. Make it clear they can see you as an individual and support that or reserve the opinions and criticism.
How could you keep a secret like this from your family? Would you lie? Why not just tell the truth, and ignore their criticism? I can't see any normal person going along with this type of deception. Your relationship with your family sounds very dysfunctional if you feel like you need to lie to them, so, why even talk to them at all?
Well my parents, mainly my mammy, believe if I don't keep up to date on what I'm doing, they play victim and get upset.
My mammy gets all lonely when her children hardly sees her, acting all desperate.
I lie because I don't want no arguments. If I tell the truth all the time, more drama will come with it.
When my wife and I got married, none of the parents were invited. We weren't on speaking terms with my parents at the time because they decided they didn't like her before they ever got the chance to know her. Meanwhile, her dad and stepmom refused to acknowledge our relationship in any capacity because we were shacking up, so they weren't invited either. Her mom was the only parent who wasn't a complete a-hole about our relationship, and we didn't have her there because it would have made a crappy situation with our other parents even crappier if we had invited one parent without inviting all the rest. We did have a small reception afterward though, and her mom was the only parent invited to it.
We didn't keep it a secret from the other parents though, we told them we were getting married. I told my parents she's going to be in the picture for the long term and that it was up to them to call us when they were done being being sh*theads and were ready to accept her into the family. They eventually came around and everything's fine with them now. With her dad and stepmom, once we stopped living in sin it was like nothing ever happened, like they never shunned us, and we just sort of picked up where rational adults would have been anyway.
Ya freak.
Why the change in how you articulate from the original post?
What? I was responding to your question.
Again, I can't take that risk. I would just like to keep my new founded life separate from family. I've been oppressed too much. Plus, I don't think I could handle their criticism and judgments if they met her.
I come from a very dysfunctional and judgmental family. My relationship with my parents is average. I feel if I ever get married, it would be private and I won't alarm my parents about it. I feel that they might ruin my relationship if they happen to meet someone I'm with.
As selfish as I may sound, I dealt with enough criticism from them based on my life decisions. There's no way I'll give them a chance to do it again, not when it comes to marrying.
Are there any married couples to keep their relationships a secret from families, or friends for that matter? Did anyone of you have private ceremonies?
i understand what kind of family you come from, but i dont think you are going about this idea the right way.
if you ever find the ONE to marry and you plan on living where your family and you will NEVER see eachother for the rest of your lives, then i guess it could work.
but how likely is that??
when you find the one, you need to be strong, let your family meet her and explain to them in no uncertain terms that this is the person you have chosen, that they are welcome to share in your life, but only if they back off on making any judgments.
remember if you ever have kids, you will probably want them in your life and they will for sure want to be a part of the kids' lives.
Again, I can't take that risk. I would just like to keep my new founded life separate from family. I've been oppressed too much. Plus, I don't think I could handle their criticism and judgments if they met her.
If they're really as toxic as you say they are, tell 'em to go f___ themselves and then do your own thing.
i understand what kind of family you come from, but i dont think you are going about this idea the right way.
if you ever find the ONE to marry and you plan on living where your family and you will NEVER see eachother for the rest of your lives, then i guess it could work.
but how likely is that??
when you find the one, you need to be strong, let your family meet her and explain to them in no uncertain terms that this is the person you have chosen, that they are welcome to share in your life, but only if they back off on making any judgments.
remember if you ever have kids, you will probably want them in your life and they will for sure want to be a part of the kids' lives.
I never want to have children, so that's unlikely. That's one of the decisions they disapprove of already, or constantly talk about.
I live about 25-30 minutes away from family. I do plan on extending that time soon.
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