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Hi, sorry, I meant the title to be..... Married over 30 years - Need opinions.
This might be a long post but I really need opinions so please bear with me.
First some background. I am 54. Been married to my high school sweetheart for almost 33 years. She is my one and only. I am her one and only. We have 2 grown kids. Son is 28, daughter is 25. Both kids turned out terrific. We have no money issues. We live a good life. We are both considered good looking, both in great shape. My wife overall is a good person and was a great mother and is a good wife.
When we got married almost 33 years ago I was living with my parents. I went from living with my parents to getting married to living with my wife. I never took the opportunity to live on my own, to be independent, to 'sow my wild oats' with other women. I find that I am now having deep regrets. I guess I can call it a mid life crisis.
I am considering giving up a very good life by moving out on my own, to experience independence, to date other women, to sow those wild oats that I think I missed. I'm afraid that my regrets will only get worse if I don't experience the sense of freedom that I'm longing.
OP, your post scares the hell out of me for my own marriage. It's so discouraging to think after so much of your life has been invested into a good marriage, kids, etc., it all comes down to "sowing oats".
I don't have any advice for you except for you to take some time to read through some of the posts on here and you will see a lot of men who would love to have what you have. Once you take something for granted and lose it, you never get it back quite the same. Really think about the consequences and if it's worth throwing it away for a new piece of a**. You can put a bow on it and make it sound nostalgic all you want but that's what it boils down to.
First off, don't come to city data for advice, please - have you ever read some of the posts on here and the warped up thinking some of these people have, jeez.
Secondly, you already have a great life, from what you described, many people would kill to be in your shoes right now. The grass is not only NOT greener on the other side, it is dead and fertilized with a lot of bull ****. Rekindled what you already have.
Dave56, I'll be honest with you. I am 29 and living the single life to the full extent! Having fun, sleeping with lots of women and just being free. You are missing out big time and I am thankful that I am doing all of this before I get married. But you are a married man with a perfect life. I wouldn't gamble it all this stage of your life...
Please dont toss out a good marriage ; you will tremendously hurt your wife and kids even though they are grown now. What you mean by 'sowing wild oats' is you want to experience the sexual hedonism that you feel you were 'cheated out of' ; you should be very glad you didnt do this lifestyle before you got married ---- youll be giving up a good well-built marriage for todays casual sex scene which consists of :
1. 33 circulating STD's shared among 40,000,000 + adult Americans .
2. Most STD's are permanent , 2 are fatal, and all bring shame .
3. Many you wont know you have until they develop , and by then you could have brought them back to your faithful innocent wife . Not a good legacy for your marriage.
4. If you listen to the messages of sexual immorality in the media, they glamorize it but they never tell of the repercussions . Its deceptive.
5. Its all centered around narcissism thru hedonism ... the using of another for a mere copulation. It wont bring fulfillment to your mid life crisis or fantasies.
6. If youre involved in computer porn currently, you need to end it and become TOTALLY faithful to your wife by recommitting your eyes, senses, and desires to her only.
7. Id seek out some professional Counselling from a Pastor and keep it confidential from your wife and others. He can help you work out your personal struggles and get you more committed to your wife in your heart.
I hope you wont allow yourself to become sucked into an out of control culture which promises so much, but ends in personal destruction . In short, the culture lures one in, but it could care less about you from thereon. PM me if you like. Regards.
It sounds like you have a good life and marriage, so no, it is not worth pursuing those fantasies and losing what you now have. Chances are you'll be very disappointed with the results if you do pursue the fantasy. Instead, do some other things that you've never done that can provide a thrill - anything from sky diving to taking a trip somewhere that would be an adventure. Or at least try some new positions in bed. Oh! And take your wife along!
Dave56, I'll be honest with you. I am 29 and living the single life to the full extent! Having fun, sleeping with lots of women and just being free. You are missing out big time and I am thankful that I am doing all of this before I get married. But you are a married man with a perfect life. I wouldn't gamble it all this stage of your life...
Youre gambling big time by seeking happiness thru womens genitals. Its all a big deceptive game that ensnares . If you get a nasty permanent STD which many are not stopped with a condom, youll be greatly reducing your chances of finding a woman to marry you after youre ready to get out of the charade.
You are asking: Am I absolutely nuts for even considering this?
Bud, you're a few clicks worse that absolutely nuts. I can not believe anyone in your position would give up what they have to 'try' something, they don't know what, just something else, that some people call 'sowing wild oats'. What will you do when you realize you made a huge mistake and want to go home to your wife, but there is no home? Don't you realize there is no turning back once you decide to leave and flirt with diaster? How many times do you have to read "the grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence"? Man, look around you, don't you see all kinds of loneliness? Dating isn't what you think. Don't make your life miserable and ruin the wife of a good woman who has stood by you through thick & thin for 33 years. If you must do something stupid, go jump off a cliff, that way she can at least collect on your insurance.
Youre gambling big time by seeking happiness thru womens genitals. Its all a big deceptive game that ensnares . If you get a nasty permanent STD which many are not stopped with a condom, youll be greatly reducing your chances of finding a woman to marry you after youre ready to get out of the charade.
You have it all wrong...was wrong with being safe and enjoying your fantasies...? Or would you rather want for someone to be married and cheat on their spouse after years of marriage?
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