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I know about abuse victims quite a bit too as I used to volunteer for "The Samaritans " helpline and a woman's shelter. And of course a one off slap is not the same as abuse over a long period of time for the victim. The abuse hasn't had a chance to really change oyu as a person yet. But it will. Nobody who is a nice guy hits someone unprovoked. Period. It shows you a certain trait and should be a serious warning signal to stay away. ALL abuses started with one hit. Then another, and another and another.... Violence is addictive for violent people.
Most abuse victims in my experience are repeating the pattern of abuse from an earlier experience ( whether a previous relationship, parental abuse or even habitual bullying at school).
Self esteem is gradually eroded to such a level that many victims end up feeling as though they almost deserve the abuse and also end up locked in a cycle of broken promises which they want to believe because they are so socially isolated as well as terrified. The same goes for many rape victims too.
All I can say is how I would react. A boyfriend of mine once hit me and I was out of the door quicker than you could say "good-bye". I had until then been rather fond of him. That slap was enough to convince me that the guy was not worth it. And the first thing I did was tell everyone he knew that he liked to hit women.
My Father instilled into me an incredibly developed sense of fairness and I basically cannot put up with anyone who treats me badly.
Hitting someone once and hitting someone every day, every week etc.. is not that different in the sense that it shows a complete lack of control in terms of anger, shows contempt for the victim and is utterly despicable. What is different is how the victim responds. There has to be a first time for every single case of habitual abuse.
People who start fights whether with their spouses or in a bar both have serious issues.
Women especially need to be empowered to feel they can talk about it and take control of their lives. Bullies succeed because they demean and render the victim incapable psychologically of fighting back , whether physically or psychologically. We must bring out the abuse into the public domain and bring the shame onto the perpetrators and allow the victims to have a support system which genuinely allows them to escape the cycle.
The same applies with rape where women feel they are ashamed of what happened to them , almost blaming themselves for it.
In many ways it is even worse with women on men abuse and male rape as men are brought up to believe that their masculinity is soiled and demeaned if they succumb to abuse. Male rape is something we should be discussing a lot more so the issue is no longer one of shame and self blame.
I love my husband utterly conditionally . I could never stay with someone who even so much as slapped me. I would personally walk away because I can. It is who I am . I am not judging women who do not as I realise they will not have the same coping mechanism I have because of their life's experiences or simple terror of the abuser. It is even worse for women with children who fear they must put up with anything rather than risk either losing their children or something being done to them. Abuse is all about control.
I maintain that anyone who hits someone else unprovoked is an abuser. Even if it is a fisrt offence there will be another one. I am sure very, very occasionally someone just snaps on a one off basis but mostly no I believe it is a kink in someone's personality, whether a control issue or anger management issue.
I really feel for the victims of abuse but in most cases sadly only they can truly deal with the abuser as hard and mentally challenging as that might be. Many abusers seem to be outwardly charming , well adjusted people ( again from personal experience with victims of abuse) and unless the victim her/himself finds the strength to leave and invite the world in there is little the law can do.
I find it appalling for example that in many countries the police can or will only intervene if the victim accuses the perpetrator even though sometimes they will have evidence from witnesses of the abuse. I also find it shocking that bullying is really not seen as such an issue but simply a rite of passage.
Many people go through life from parental abuse , to school bullying then to spousal abuse simply because none of us could step in and do something about it. Until something changes in our society sadly the onus still lies with the victim.
Believe me I am not belittling abuse victims. I am simply stated what I would personally do. I only know too well how some victims are so crushed in spirit that walking away is not possible.
Anyone hits me , they will not do it again unless they make sure I never get up again.
I think some people deserve to be hit. If not but to knock them down a peg or two.
Maybe not for you and many people tend to say ''Oh just walk away and forget it'' but see once revenge takes place then it becomes my satisfaction... then I'll make peace if I want to but only after obtaining what I wanted.
We don't know the entire story of Chris and Rihanna. We weren't there. All we know is she got her azz kicked.
Two stories came out of that situation.
They had a disagreement and he hit her
They had a disagreement and she hit him first.
Here's the thing: We should teach our girls not to hit boys/men. Girls think it's okay to strike a guy and not get hit back.
It's rumored Chris hit her before. Her friend saw the bruises.
Both sexes should keep their hands to themselves.
Either way he's still a loser....... I bet he likes stealing candies from little children too.
Would he have retaliated if the person who stroke him first was a man much bigger and stronger than him? I doubt it.... loser
Sorry but no sympathy for him... he overdid it. That's like giving an 8 year-old kid black eyes just because of a single slap.
He only did what was easy to him and of no challenge at all.
The really funny part is that she and women like her think they can date bad boy abusive jerks and then they're surprised when they get the crap beaten out of them.
But no, nice guys are just too...nice.
Newsflash. Nice guys don't turn your face into a bloody pulp.
Yeah......no. I take it you are not a hip-hop listener. His persona was uber squeaky clean not a bad boy. He had to team up with rappers to get some edge. He was just a teenage pop star singing about love. So she was trying to go for the well spoken, smiling, golden boy and he turned out to have a nasty, crazy quick temper.
Either way he's still a loser....... I bet he likes stealing candies from little children too.
Would he have retaliated if the person who stroke him first was a man much bigger and stronger than him? I doubt it.... loser
Sorry but no sympathy for him... he overdid it. That's like giving an 8 year-old kid black eyes just because of a single slap.
He only did what was easy to him and of no challenge at all.
Assumptions. And nothing else.
If you think kicking somebody in the ballz iz a challenge you are an ass-burger.
I think that when this happened, Rihanna was still very young, and at that age it is hard for people to know what to put up with. Nobody knows for sure that she took him back, though there were rumors, nothing was confirmed. Eventually, she seems to have moved on. At the time it happened, it was a total disgrace. I was embarrassed to play her cd . I couldn't believe that she would still want to be with him and love him after what he did to her. It seemed to me that she didn't get it. But eventually she might have opened her eyes because nothing further has been said about her going back to him. He also is very young, and this should be a lesson to him, never to beat a woman . There is no place for physical violence among people that love each other. Hopefully, if something like this happens when a woman is young and she allows it, she learns as she becomes older, that it is unacceptable.
I think that when this happened, Rihanna was still very young, and at that age it is hard for people to know what to put up with. Nobody knows for sure that she took him back, though there were rumors, nothing was confirmed. Eventually, she seems to have moved on. At the time it happened, it was a total disgrace. I was embarrassed to play her cd . I couldn't believe that she would still want to be with him and love him after what he did to her. It seemed to me that she didn't get it. But eventually she might have opened her eyes because nothing further has been said about her going back to him. He also is very young, and this should be a lesson to him, never to beat a woman . There is no place for physical violence among people that love each other. Hopefully, if something like this happens when a woman is young and she allows it, she learns as she becomes older, that it is unacceptable.
In an analogy...
...She's dating major league pitchers, and using her face as a catchers mit.
If that's what she likes, then what else do you think a young and entitled-girl is going to do with her options?
In her case... scars = maturity. Coming-of-age has never been so harsh.
If you think kicking somebody in the ballz iz a challenge you are an ass-burger.
Calling me an autistic person huh? It's off topic anyways.
About the kick in the balls, well it is a challenge because it means we're doing something you guys wouldn't do.... at least some of us got the courage to attack back unlike most men that wouldn't fight off a bigger/stronger man than themselves but would rather continue picking on easy opponents (beating the poor girl because you don't have to put any effort to it)... now what type of challenge is that??? A coward's way out.
My previous statement still stands. I still think he overdid it and is nothing but a loser.
Maybe not for you and many people tend to say ''Oh just walk away and forget it'' but see once revenge takes place then it becomes my satisfaction... then I'll make peace if I want to but only after obtaining what I wanted.
If you don't wish to be seen as healthy, then so be it.
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