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Want to know one thing about "bad boys" that you may not realize? Listen very carefully:
Many women, specifically entitled princesses and drama queens, use the term "jerks" as a codeword for describing their boyfriends whenever he calls her out on her BS. In other words, jerks in most cases are plainly guys who don't take crap from anyone, which in reality are just guys who tend to be authentically confident.
There you go.
Now to your nice guy dilemma, think about these things:
-Have you yourself been judgmental of girls who might not be as physically good looking or as interesting to be around as your "dream girl?" Many self-proclaimed nice guys tend to be very picky of the kind of women they want to get with, and from my experience, there's not much room for variances. If there is a girl who might have 10 extra pounds, might be more on the bookwork/nerdy side, or look more plain than your "ultimate fantasy girl," overlook it especially if they have cool personalities and are giving you the emotional attention you're seeking.
-A lot of media outlets have done a lot to manipulate the dating scene in general. From Top-40 Pop Music to MTV and everywhere in between, there has been a real shift in what many young women in their teens and 20s want, and for the most part, I (and probably you as well) think it's lame. Try looking outside of that Pop-Culture infested scene and look at other groups of people who don't live by what MTV/BET tells them what's cool. Places these lemmings hate include but aren't limited to cafes, bookstores, churches, and small-group interest-based clubs (not to be confused with nightclubs, which are a fatal no-no to go to).
-You're in San Diego, which is part of the coast. Now the major coasts tend to have women who want guys with more flash than substance. Granted that it isn't as bad as in nearby Los Angeles, but the rule might still apply more than places like the Midwest or South, which is where I recommend looking in the long term if you want to meet more women who look at substance instead of flash, status, and style. The more conservative a place is, the more they may judge you by what you have on the inside than what you have (or a lack of) on the outside.
-Most importantly, stop seeing yourself as the vulnerable and easily satisfied "nice guy." In the current world we live in, and especially a country of the United States and the times we're living in, we have enough people who are settling for less and allowing crap to pass as acceptable.
1) When it comes to attitudes, get the whole story and advise accordingly, not just always buying into your female friends' stories as if they're the gospel truth.
2) When you see a hot girl, avoid paying any sort of blatant attention to her (i.e. turning your head). Chances are you're not going to talk to her, and even if she's a "10" there are millions of females like that everywhere. She nothing special and doesn't need to have her ego filled more than it is by other chumps who flatter her beauty!
3) When your worthiness is under question, get the mentality that you are the prize. That might sound arrogant, but that shows individuals that you have enough self-confidence to not justify yourself to any other man nor woman. Along with this, make yourself more valuable by getting involved with various hobbies, exercise and working out, and all that jazz.
4) When you face a total drag, just don't give a cluck! A lot of nice guys have the worst problem with impressing everyone, even people who aren't worth their time and are just plain manipulators who will take advantage of any sincerity. I'm not saying stop being nice, but reserve your sincerity for those who have proved themselves worthy of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Footballfreak
I am 19 years old. I guess I shouldn't be worried about a relationship right now. I always think that there is somebody out there for everyone and I will find that person when I least expect it. I don't know if that's a good way to look at it or not.
At 19, that's a legit way of looking at life. You're young and I wouldn't worry about finding your soulmate by this weekend. However, I can understand getting easily bored of the one-night-stand stitch, especially with the "Top-40 bubblegum-pop MTV" crowd that has dominated that scene. I'd honesty would stick to having a few close FWBs (friends with benefits) that you could hang out with during the day, but wouldn't feel awkward having sex with at night. The key thing is not to get too attached to the individual in an overly-sentimental way, realizing that any sexual activity is just a combination of enjoying time with each other and satisfying natural instincts/pleasures with someone you trust and like.
Yeah that is a good start. Also, the next time you see some thug or criminal surrounded by women, just be glad that you won't be a felon in 10 years.
When you see the young hotshot driving a car he can't afford and a hot blonde in the passenger seat, be glad that you won't be over your head in debt in 10 years.
Also when you feel sexually frustrated try to remember that getting laid is sooooooooo much easier than you think it is. Don't write off the girls who have a few extra 20 or 30 pounds, some of them will absolutely rock your world if you can spare a compliment or two : )
Good luck! Don't spend to much time on the computer, life is so much funner outside : )
Thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fairfaxian
Want to know one thing about "bad boys" that you may not realize? Listen very carefully:
Many women, specifically entitled princesses and drama queens, use the term "jerks" as a codeword for describing their boyfriends whenever he calls her out on her BS. In other words, jerks in most cases are plainly guys who don't take crap from anyone, which in reality are just guys who tend to be authentically confident.
There you go.
Now to your nice guy dilemma, think about these things:
-Have you yourself been judgmental of girls who might not be as physically good looking or as interesting to be around as your "dream girl?" Many self-proclaimed nice guys tend to be very picky of the kind of women they want to get with, and from my experience, there's not much room for variances. If there is a girl who might have 10 extra pounds, might be more on the bookwork/nerdy side, or look more plain than your "ultimate fantasy girl," overlook it especially if they have cool personalities and are giving you the emotional attention you're seeking.
-A lot of media outlets have done a lot to manipulate the dating scene in general. From Top-40 Pop Music to MTV and everywhere in between, there has been a real shift in what many young women in their teens and 20s want, and for the most part, I (and probably you as well) think it's lame. Try looking outside of that Pop-Culture infested scene and look at other groups of people who don't live by what MTV/BET tells them what's cool. Places these lemmings hate include but aren't limited to cafes, bookstores, churches, and small-group interest-based clubs (not to be confused with nightclubs, which are a fatal no-no to go to).
-Most importantly, stop seeing yourself as the vulnerable and easily satisfied "nice guy." In the current world we live in, and especially a country of the United States and the times we're living in, we have enough people who are settling for less and allowing crap to pass as acceptable.
1) When it comes to attitudes, get the whole story and advise accordingly, not just always buying into your female friends' stories as if they're the gospel truth.
2) When you see a hot girl, avoid paying any sort of blatant attention to her (i.e. turning your head). Chances are you're not going to talk to her, and even if she's a "10" there are millions of females like that everywhere. She nothing special and doesn't need to have her ego filled more than it is by other chumps who flatter her beauty!
3) When your worthiness is under question, get the mentality that you are the prize. That might sound arrogant, but that shows individuals that you have enough self-confidence to not justify yourself to any other man nor woman. Along with this, make yourself more valuable by getting involved with various hobbies, exercise and working out, and all that jazz.
4) When you face a total drag, just don't give a cluck! A lot of nice guys have the worst problem with impressing everyone, even people who aren't worth their time and are just plain manipulators who will take advantage of any sincerity. I'm not saying stop being nice, but reserve your sincerity for those who have proved themselves worthy of it.
At 19, that's a legit way of looking at life. You're young and I wouldn't worry about finding your soulmate by this weekend. However, I can understand getting easily bored of the one-night-stand stitch, especially with the "Top-40 bubblegum-pop MTV" crowd that has dominated that scene. I'd honesty would stick to having a few close FWBs (friends with benefits) that you could hang out with during the day, but wouldn't feel awkward having sex with at night. The key thing is not to get too attached to the individual in an overly-sentimental way, realizing that any sexual activity is just a combination of enjoying time with each other and satisfying natural instincts/pleasures with someone you trust and like.
This is honestly the best answer out of anyone in this thread! Thank you!
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Want to know one thing about "bad boys" that you may not realize? Listen very carefully:
Quote:
Many women, specifically entitled princesses and drama queens, use the term "jerks" as a codeword for describing their boyfriends whenever he calls her out on her BS. In other words, jerks in most cases are plainly guys who don't take crap from anyone, which in reality are just guys who tend to be authentically confident.
There you go.
It never ceases to amaze me, the different ways women end up being responsible for certain men being jerks.
Quote:
4) When you face a total drag, just don't give a cluck! A lot of nice guys have the worst problem with impressing everyone, even people who aren't worth their time and are just plain manipulators who will take advantage of any sincerity.
I've always been attracted to 'nice guys' and I never met a genuine one who felt the need to impress people. In fact, that's one thing set them apart from the so-called bad boy and made them sincere.
I've always been attracted to 'nice guys' and I never met a genuine one who felt the need to impress people. In fact, that's one thing set them apart from the so-called bad boy and made them sincere.
Impress isn't the best word usage. "Please" would be a better term in replacement of "impress."
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fairfaxian
Impress isn't the best word usage. "Please" would be a better term in replacement of "impress."
Yes, the bad boy wants to impress, the nice guy, to please--not always, but some, yes. If I had to choose between a man who wanted to impress and a man who wanted to please, I'd take the pleaser any day.
I'm a happily married woman in my early 30's, but back when I was dating in my early 20's I was only interested in "nice" guys. I don't understand why any woman would want someone who wasn't a "nice guy." When I think of "nice guys" I think of the men who are always there for you, who are dependable, responsible, and considerate. I liked knowing how someone feels about me without playing juvenile mind games. I never cared if "nice guys" weren't as exciting as "bad boys"--I felt that predictable is good and stable and makes for a solid relationship.
I feel that people are looking for all the wrong things in relationships these days. People are placing too much emphasis on "passion," "excitement," "chemistry," and "appearance" when they should be putting the emphasis on friendship, intellectual compatibility, shared values, and stability. Instead of thinking of the potential date as someone they'd like to hop into bed with, they should be thinking, "is this someone I can have a strong friendship with?" I have a friend in her early 30's who is single and can't find a partner because she is only looking for "chemistry" and "excitement" and then wonders why all her relationships have turned out poorly and she's still single.
Passion fades in a relationship but a strong friendship is the bedrock that a solid relationship is built on.
Good stuff!!!
"Hot", "cool", "exciting" will be replaced with wrinkles and gray hair after a while. All the datings eventually lead to being with that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Someone who is nice, dependable and is always there for you sounds good to me.
This is honestly the best answer out of anyone in this thread! Thank you!
Good for you. Honestly, much of what he said can probably found else where in this thread. He probably just wrote it in a way that speaks to you because of your age and what you expect out of life right now, that is, to find a girl to have a fun time with.
I knew a high school beauty queen who dated a high school "f" student and then got pregnant by him soon after high school. It would seem like a bad situation but they are quite wealthy now because of him and still married after 20 years. Anyway, as she put it, she saw the potential in him early on. He is one of those nice guys who hardly ever gets angry, but if you ever do get him angry, you will be sorry.
1) Women like men who like themselves and are not apologetic for who they are, nice and not-so-nice.
2) Women, above all, like men who love life. If you're the kind of person who walks into a room like a dog with a haircut, if you sit at home and watch television all the time, you're not the kind of guy any woman wants.
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