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Old 11-12-2010, 09:58 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,077,491 times
Reputation: 2048

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As I said the person simply asked how would you find out. When somebody gets on the computer they ERASE all damning messages. They have their FB locked to veiwers. They eliminate damning emails. You can't read the incoming that's been erased. HOWEVER, you can read the outgoing, by having the computer save everything typed. This I would imagine terrifies women, in particular, because they do the majority of the talking, typing! So I really, really get your concern! ROFLMAO

This isn't a topic about monitering being right or wrong. This was simply somebody asking ...how.
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Old 11-12-2010, 10:13 AM
 
202 posts, read 352,251 times
Reputation: 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I agree that the OP should be acting now to affair-proof his marriage. It always seems to start off the way he describes. I think its time to romance your wife again, remind her how great things are between you. Don't allow her to view the past as her main source of happiness today. I really think thats a big reason why people get hung up on past flames.
This sounds like some great advice.

I'd also recommend perhaps some marriage counseling if you think your wife would be open to the idea. Because even if this is all innocent, it is something that obviously upsets you and sounds like you and her aren't on the same page about it. Counseling could help the two of you to communicate. The therapist also could be a good third objective party to say to your wife and you, such and such behavior is normal whereas such and such behavior is not.

Or if you are religious, you could also seek some spiritual counseling.

I hope this works out for the best.

I would also suggest that before you go off and read all this horror story websites and articles some people here are suggesting to you, that you follow the more sane advice above or like I mentioned, seek some kind of real life counseling, because just filling your head with horror stories may cause you to overreact when you don't even really fully understand the situation.
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Old 11-12-2010, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Staten Island, NY
6,476 posts, read 7,310,253 times
Reputation: 7026
Why not ask her if it's okay to speak with this person yourself? He's a part of your wife's life, isn't he? Say that you'd just love to get to know him. At the very least he's gonna know you're not about to take this lying down. Neither will your wife.
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Old 11-12-2010, 10:51 AM
JL
 
8,519 posts, read 14,497,169 times
Reputation: 7935
Quote:
Originally Posted by sideman View Post
My wife has rekindled a relationship from a past boyfriend and also a classmate from elementary school due to facebook. So far everything seems innocent enough but she seems to spend a lot of time on the phone with the classmate from elementary school. The old boyfriend she e-mails. I've brought it up to her a few times but she just says that she's getting caught up on what's happened to them over the 30+ years. As an asian she says that it's just part of her culture. I'd like to put it out there to see what others think.
The real big question is: Do you really know your wife that well?
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Old 11-13-2010, 08:41 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
I always wonder about that keyboard monitoring thingie. If a person literally trusts his or her spouse so little that he or she would stalk every word the person wrote, in secret, then why stay in the first place??? Or...why require "proof" of cheating? Obviously the trust in your household is zero as it is. How is finding out exactly what hornified words one's, say, husband has used with another woman going to justify a thing?

If I were THAT sure my spouse were cheating that I'd be tempted to sneak behind his back and bug his computer and then read every word when he was gone, *I'd* already be gone.
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Old 11-14-2010, 01:22 AM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,397,937 times
Reputation: 12985
There are a lot of ways to know if she is a cheater. But you have to get creative. I remember my ex when we were still together logging in to messenger at 3 in the morning, then denying that he was on. Then he got an account with AOL and didn't even bother to tell me until someone friended him and there was a loud noise on his cell phone notifying him that so and so had friended him. I asked him who it was and he said he didn't know. Then , he started to dissapear on me, and of course, then dumped me because I was too this or I was too that. BS. He was totally cheating on me. And, he NEVER admitted to it! Be careful, she might already be cheating on you.
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