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Old 11-11-2010, 04:23 PM
 
366 posts, read 730,348 times
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My wife has rekindled a relationship from a past boyfriend and also a classmate from elementary school due to facebook. So far everything seems innocent enough but she seems to spend a lot of time on the phone with the classmate from elementary school. The old boyfriend she e-mails. I've brought it up to her a few times but she just says that she's getting caught up on what's happened to them over the 30+ years. As an asian she says that it's just part of her culture. I'd like to put it out there to see what others think.
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:26 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,733,492 times
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Is the classmate a woman or man?

Either way it all sounds innocent, reminiscing about the past is normal.

Now if she's sneaking around and hiding things from you, then it might be an issue.
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:28 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,860,023 times
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Until see gives you a reason to cheat i wouldn't think anything of it my friend.
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,676,096 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by sideman View Post
My wife has rekindled a relationship from a past boyfriend and also a classmate from elementary school due to facebook. So far everything seems innocent enough but she seems to spend a lot of time on the phone with the classmate from elementary school. The old boyfriend she e-mails. I've brought it up to her a few times but she just says that she's getting caught up on what's happened to them over the 30+ years. As an asian she says that it's just part of her culture. I'd like to put it out there to see what others think.

RUN, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and buy the book by Dr. Nancy Kalish entitled "Lost and Found Lovers". The research in her book will alarm someone in your situation. If you want to save your marriage, act now - your wife is on a very slippery slope.
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Durham, NC
3,576 posts, read 10,651,532 times
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"As an asian" my former sister-in-law saw nothing wrong or immoral about sleeping with men other than my brother, as long as it was for money or a favor.
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:53 PM
 
7,507 posts, read 4,396,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sideman View Post
My wife has rekindled a relationship from a past boyfriend and also a classmate from elementary school due to facebook. So far everything seems innocent enough but she seems to spend a lot of time on the phone with the classmate from elementary school. The old boyfriend she e-mails. I've brought it up to her a few times but she just says that she's getting caught up on what's happened to them over the 30+ years. As an asian she says that it's just part of her culture. I'd like to put it out there to see what others think.
What? I never heard of that before...I think everyone does that, not just Asian people. I'm not claiming that she may be cheating on you, but I'm Asian and I don't use that to want to communicate with an old friend (or whatever). If I'm talking to an old pal, I'll be up front about it. Don't need to use "I'm Asian so therefore..."
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,391 posts, read 30,915,835 times
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Is she a mail order bride? How is she your wife and using the "its my culture" on you? If you are married you should know her culture inside and out to begin with.
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:28 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,174,569 times
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I dated a man who's ex-wife started the computer chit-chat a bit too much and at odd tiimes too, like getting up in the middle of the night or right after sex. The whole thing seemed just really off so he hired a PI (cost approximately $3000) and he got proof she was seeing this man and some of the photos included her with this man's young daughter - so it had been going on for a while if she was introduced and knew the kid. He asked her again if she was having an affair and she denied it and he tossed an envelope with the photos in it on the table, walked out and never went back.

I'm not saying this to scare you, but just know it has happened and she's not the first person I've heard about doing this and having this happen.

On the flip side I have regular IM discussions with several men who are either married or in relationships and their significant others know about me, but it's so platonic the idea of entertaining anything further would feel incestual. So, that is also a good possibility.

But I have to say, using the 'culture' thing does come across as a rather odd statement as others have pointed out.
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:32 PM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,765 posts, read 2,791,153 times
Reputation: 2366
Quote:
Originally Posted by sideman View Post
My wife has rekindled a relationship from a past boyfriend and also a classmate from elementary school due to facebook. So far everything seems innocent enough but she seems to spend a lot of time on the phone with the classmate from elementary school. The old boyfriend she e-mails. I've brought it up to her a few times but she just says that she's getting caught up on what's happened to them over the 30+ years. As an asian she says that it's just part of her culture. I'd like to put it out there to see what others think.
Is she ever on the phone with him when you come home? Does she leave the room when she's on the phone and you come in? Or does she not mind you hearing their conversations? If she has a problem with you being around when they are talking, I would be suspicious.
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Texas
774 posts, read 1,164,059 times
Reputation: 910
I think you should pay close attention to what she does, not so much what she says. That's where you will find the truth. I would think that after some point in time, the 30-year catch up would be done and the frequency of communication would decrease. Monitor the situation and use common sense when evaluating what she say when weighed against what she does.
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