How do life long singles cope? (dating, marriage, women, husband)

[1bright_future]

I have never had a real relationship , a Significant Other. I have had a few week long flings and one nighters.


I try to be very thankful for everything else that I DO have in my life. But when it all comes down to meaning, I feel my life has very little meaning or significance. There are so many, SO MANY, people in this world, and if I was to just disappear, almost no one would notice or care.



You know how a lot of couples, mainly married ones, say that they will go through any hardships but as long as they have each other everything will be OK.


Yet, life long singles like myself, do not have anywhere near a close bond to anyone else as married couples do to each other.


Say if a lonely single person like myself, got a raise or promotion at work, or watched an inspiring movie or read a very interesting book, or took an amazing trip, we would have NO ONE to really care about our experience or to share the experience with. It's like it's all meaningless.


So after I am all thankful for everything I do have, it's like it doesn't matter much if I don't have someone to share my life with.


I want to be an important part of someone else's life. I want to hear her stories, experience her feelings, listen to her tell me her secrets, tell me her dreams and try to make them reality with her. I want someone that trusts me deeply, that comes to me with good news and bad, that cares for me, that understands me, that cares about my dreams, someone that will say - as long as were together we will have it all.


I had a friend who was a great guy, could have almost any woman he wanted. He told me that he didn't care anymore about hooking up with women, that he wanted to find one woman, one that would always just be there. Someone to be able to go home to, someone who was content with him and looking for no other guys. I didn't really understand fully at the time what he meant, but now I do.




For example, say there are two people.


An athletic 32 year old male who lives in sunny California close to the ocean in a splendid half million dollar condo. Who has a career that inspires him, fake boob barbie dolls in miniskirts that chase him, has a big group of social friends, and a man's best friend named Scooby.

and

An overweight 41 year old woman who lives in a below middle class neighborhood in Chicago. Who has a husband of 16 years and 3 kids. Who is a regular at Church with her family, who throws events/parties for others. Who has never made enough to buy a new car she wanted or been able to save up to help pay for the kids college tuition. Has medical bills that will likely never be able to pay off, has cancer that is in remission.


Who do you think is likely to be happier? To have more meaning in life?

[rlrl]

you really can compare the 2 until until you know where each person was before the lives you illustrate

if the 32 year old guy, when he was younger, dropped out of college twice until he finally found himself, then became successful as you illustrate, and the 41 year old woman had a better life prior to the one you illustrate, maybe the 32 year old guy has a better life than the 41 year old woman

it's just hard to tell from surface impressions

i used to have a friend who admitted to me he was envious of me because I had no commitments or responsibilities; he had just gotten his SO pregnant and had to marry, but he was much more successful and career driven than me. kit drove a wedge between us and we are no longer friends because he was a know-it-all and i always felt one-downed by him, but as soon as the friendship ended my life started getting better

i can especially relate to your example of getting a promotion and having no one to share it with. i've been alone for a very long time and it's finally creeping up with me but yet i still choose to be alone, i just find social stuff and dating to be overwhelming

[George Dynamo]

At some point you assume it ain't happening ever or you say f*** it.

Had one relationship and that's it. After that I haven't found a woman worth it.

[ChessieMom]

If each person is happy and enjoys his life, then one is no more "meaningful" than the other. It's a useless comparison.

Do you have no friends or family? I have been single for the majority of my adult life, but I've never felt that my life had little meaning or significance. You might want to make an appt. with a therapist.

[cuinlalaland]

You make married life sound a lot better than it is for the majority of people. Most people would like to have the relationship you describe, but only a tiny percentage of them ever experience anything close to it.

Most people also feel like their life has little or no purpose. Having someone to share how your day was isn't going to change that though. Time and time again it's been proven that the happiest people are those who GIVE the most to others in need.

[imsh0t]

I think many of the people you envy, (people with partners or married), may find life as meaningless as you do. However I dont think you should find life meaningless just because your single. I mean many people HAVE married before and ended up single all the same. And some people lose their spouses to illness and death. I dont think you should be pinning all your hopes and dreams on a single person.

If you haven't ever dated seriously before perhaps you should examine why. I think a professional psychologist may help. Often times patients gain more understanding of themselves.

How old and what gender are you btw?

[mgt04]

I think you need to find out what works for YOU. Forget what people all around you are doing or not doing. Marriage is not for everyone. Kids are not for everyone. Being single is not for everyone. No single situation is bad either.

If its companionship you're looking for over the long haul which was my first thought when I read the title of your thread "life long singles" I would recommend getting a dog. Man (or women's ) best friend I know it'll probably die within 15 yrs or so but you can remember the good times with it and get another one

[oceanman76]

After my ex fiancce left me over a year ago, I made the decision never to get in a serious relationship ever again. The feeling of heartbreak when a long term relationship ends, is not worth it.

I am now pretty happy being single. I take my boat out every weekend and my dog and I go fishing. No one to worry about or check in with. It isn't too bad, if I say so myself.

[mgt04]

Originally Posted by oceanman76

After my ex fiancce left me over a year ago, I made the decision never to get in a serious relationship ever again. The feeling of heartbreak when a long term relationship ends, is not worth it.

I am now pretty happy being single. I take my boat out every weekend and my dog and I go fishing. No one to worry about or check in with. It isn't too bad, if I say so myself.

Good for you, I'm happy things ended up going really well for you

[andreaspercheron]

You might be surprised about the people you may think are happy, the ones that seemingly "have it all", really don't. They are usually the saddest and most lonely ones.
I used to be single, I was single for many years. I'm just the kind of person that if I have someone that's great but that person or having that person in my life still doesn't define me. I'm still the same person single or in a relationship. I still respond to stress the same with or without someone to lean on and to be honest, even though I'm not IN a relationship, I still don't have the support you would think one would have. So, I get what you're saying that maybe you FEEL like you are missing out on something you've not yet experienced but remember this, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.