Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are you suggesting that by not seeing life as a competition that it will not be?
Exactly right.
Quote:
Certainly, it couldn't be because of poor coping mechanisms.
They wouldn't NEED the coping mechanisms if they didn't compete.
Quote:
You may recall that I posted and then you quoted this.
...
You'll notice that it doesn't say that anyone who follows this advice will enjoy positive results. It says that I have enjoyed positive results from it.
There are 2 options in life: be an as@hole or suffer from them. My guess is it's a little too late for you to become one, so just come to terms with the status quo.
No! It's not too late to become an as@hole! For one thing, the OP is 50, right? What does that mean? Yep. Menopause. I think that menopause gets a bad rap as turning us into irrational, fly off the handle and hate men types of people, but in reality it's the time in your life when the estrogen starts to recede and TG for that b/c the estrogen is what keeps us sweet, loving, and nurturing. Which is great when you're a mommy but now it's time to move forward with our life and become an as@hole! Now it's time for us to go get what we want instead of waiting for someone to notice that we might like to have it. Of course I'm not really talking about being an a-hole--I like sifuphil's metaphor better--I'm still soft and sweet on the outside but you better not mess with me and you dang well better not mess with my babies. And oh, I like myself so much better. People only see you as irrational if they're just severely uncomfortable with change, b/c I'm sure it's a change for the better.
You just need to get used to the idea that the as@holes rule in life!
Look at the road. Who's always ahead of you and endangering your life? The as@hole! You have to drive defensively anticipating his every move if you value your life and don't want trouble.
Look in your office. Who gets promoted? The incompetent, lying, conniving, bragging as@hole or bit*ch!
Look at D.C. Do we even need to get there...?!
There are 2 options in life: be an as@hole or suffer from them. My guess is it's a little too late for you to become one, so just come to terms with the status quo.
This post may be seen as a really negative way to view the world, but it is correct. Nasty aggressive people do get most of what they want. You mention the workplace and I think most people see that those who hold postitions of authority or importance in most places did not get them by hard work and productivity. In most workplaces the traits that lead to promotion tend to be the ability to sell ones self, deflect blame onto others and be in the right place at the right time to take credit for the hard work of others. Nice people do not have these traits, nice people do not lie as much or blame others when things go wrong. Nice people are not good at social manipulation. For this reason nice people end up saying "yes sir" to those who are more aggressive and assertive. Behind the wheel nice people wait thier turn, while those who are more aggresive force thier way thru.
You suggest that a nice person needs to accept this reality or become one of them. This is where I disagree with you. If you insulate your life from the world as much as possibe you can reduce the negative impact these people have on your life. Here are some ways to do this. First and most important find a way to work for yourself. It is impossibe to change corporate culture or change human nature. If you work for someone else you are at the mercy of others, and you will end up a tool for someone else to base thier sucess upon. The second thing to do is to move to a more rural area. The less people you are around the less impact rotten human beings have on your life. There are less rotten people to cut you off in traffic, less to shove you out of thier way at the store etc. The world is evil, accept that reality and then insulate yourself from as much of that evil as possible. Dont become one of them, just learn to not become thier victim or thier tool.
Would you present evidence to support the argument that if life is perceived as non-competitive that it will be non-competitive?
...
Would you present evidence to support the argument that no coping mechanisms are necessary for people who do not compete in life?
Now see, an argument is competition! If I were to engage in a competition with you, that would pretty much blow my position out of the water, wouldn't it?
If you are at all familiar with Taoist philosophy, then you should understand how what I claimed is not only possible, but being practiced as an active and on-going lifestyle by many people.
If you're not familiar with this philosophy, I would need to school you for several weeks at least to give you all of the necessary background to understand my statements. Those statements don't exist in a vacuum; they require an understanding of the entire world-view of the philosophy in order to appreciate and implement them. By themselves they might sound a bit crazy to some; taken in context with everything else the philosophy offers, they are eminently practical.
Quote:
I don't get the dead horse.
"Beating a dead horse"; you took exception to my statement that your philosophy would depend for its success upon the individual, as you stated you had already said that, which I knew, which you also probably knew...
Hence, at this point it's similar to flagellating a deceased equine.
I know I have. I'm almost 50 and realizing my easy going, forgiving nature and sense of fairness has gotten me absolutely nothing I wanted in life, and I'm about fed up with it.
Any others out there like me that have reached that same conclusion and trying to develop a new "resolve"?
How have you done it? I have such a hard time putting my need and wants before others, but I am desperate now. If I don't take a stand soon, I'm going to be on my deathbed one day wondering why I didn't fight for some of the things I wanted out of life instead of catering to the moods and needs of others, including my own children.
I'm nice. One of the most easy-going people you could ever meet in person. When I was a teenager, I was "nice" simply to avoid trouble. Now, I still don't welcome trouble, and I absolutely hate confrontations and thank God I haven't needed to fight anyone in a long time, but you have to at least be able to stand on your values and sometimes just say "No". Is your personality so bad that you would forego your own core beliefs just to avoid confrontations or please someone else?
[SIZE=3]I was in your shoes when I was younger. My whole family were guilt trippers. Whenever they wanted me to do something that I didn’t want to do they made me feel bad verbally. Well being young I swallowed that line hook, line and sinker. Up until I was in my 30’s did I realize what was happening. You have to listen to what people are saying to you. If those words start making you feel bad you have to step up to the plate and just say “NO” to what ever they are getting around to asking for. Yeh, it’s hard but then one day you will wake up feeling better because you stuck up for yourself. No one else in this life will except for maybe your wife. Once you start feeling better the guilt goes away because you now have it under control. Because of this you will feel the weight fall off your shoulders and gain more confidence in the things you do in your daily life. I follow these rules and I never felt better. I am 57 now. And one more thing, you don’t need to turn into an a$$h*le either along the way like the other writer suggests.[/SIZE]
Yep. I've always been nice. Then when you say "no" people get defensive. Those people need to realize you can't be walked all over. Seems like I can't win.
[SIZE=3]I was in your shoes when I was younger. My whole family were guilt trippers. Whenever they wanted me to do something that I didn’t want to do they made me feel bad verbally. Well being young I swallowed that line hook, line and sinker. Up until I was in my 30’s did I realize what was happening. You have to listen to what people are saying to you. If those words start making you feel bad you have to step up to the plate and just say “NO” to what ever they are getting around to asking for. Yeh, it’s hard but then one day you will wake up feeling better because you stuck up for yourself. No one else in this life will except for maybe your wife. Once you start feeling better the guilt goes away because you now have it under control. Because of this you will feel the weight fall off your shoulders and gain more confidence in the things you do in your daily life. I follow these rules and I never felt better. I am 57 now. And one more thing, you don’t need to turn into an a$$h*le either along the way like the other writer suggests.[/SIZE]
That's my boat exactly. Family are guilt trippers. I'm in my 30s now. My main issue now is dealing with it at the workplace....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Would There be a Problem....
