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No I don't want to dictate anything. I'm trying to let go.
Um, it seems that way. You said in a earlier post that you don't think that he's dealing with it in a way that you think is appropriate. You want him to sit down with you and deal with it. Sorry dear, but he doesn't want to hear it. Sure it's a good thing that you didn't refuse to talk to him after the breakup, but you broke his heart. You say that you're 32 but it doesn't read that way.
If you're trying to let go you wouldn't be trying to get him to talk to you. I've been there. You haven't let go until you no longer are trying to get him to talk to you. Just learn from your mistake, keep it moving and don't be a a-hole with the next guy.
Um, it seems that way. You said in a earlier post that you don't think that he's dealing with it in a way that you think is appropriate. You want him to sit down with you and deal with it. Sorry dear, but he doesn't want to hear it. Sure it's a good thing that you didn't refuse to talk to him after the breakup, but you broke his heart. You say that you're 32 but it doesn't read that way.
If you're trying to let go you wouldn't be trying to get him to talk to you. I've been there. You haven't let go until you no longer are trying to get him to talk to you. Just learn from your mistake, keep it moving and don't be a a-hole with the next guy.
Yes I expected him to sit and talk to me and I think there is no reason not to, especially if he is so over me, as he says he is, and considering all we've been through while being together. That's why I said it's not appropriate. I tried, I'm not trying anymore. That's it.
see heres the problem...
to him he IS dealing with it in a totally apropriate way...
you said it was over...therefore...its over.
to him you ended it now he has the right to date whoever he wants, and right now, hes dating this 19yr old...
what is there to discuss? you wernt happy together you broke up, thats it...it seems to him theres nothign to discuss, talking with you about it isnt going to bring you back (not that he wants you back but you get the point)...so why keep hashing it out?
im a woman and i personally see it this way, i could of course be wrong, but this has been my experience...when its over its over, nothing left to try and "talk through" other than make YOU feel better, whats it going to acomplish?
men and women deal with these things in different ways, he has no desire to sit down and talk things through with you...
you need to get to a point in life where you too can move on...without his assistance, because it doesnt sound like he has any interest in "being friends" and having a sit down about it.
infact, he probably thinks your over reacting to the whole situation and doesnt realize hes "being mean" to you...or hes being mean as a method of pushing you away.
its hard, you had a long relationship with lots of ups and downs, but you seriously need to just let yourself move on and go find happiness.
see heres the problem...
to him he IS dealing with it in a totally apropriate way...
you said it was over...therefore...its over.
to him you ended it now he has the right to date whoever he wants, and right now, hes dating this 19yr old...
men and women deal with these things in different ways, he has no desire to sit down and talk things through with you...
you need to get to a point in life where you too can move on...without his assistance, because it doesnt sound like he has any interest in "being friends" and having a sit down about it.
infact, he probably thinks your over reacting to the whole situation and doesnt realize hes "being mean" to you...or hes being mean as a method of pushing you away.
its hard, you had a long relationship with lots of ups and downs, but you seriously need to just let yourself move on and go find happiness.
I know. I doubt though he is not realizing that he is being mean to me. After their first date he uploaded pictures on facebook to let everyone know how cool he is without me. Not to mention that he never wants to put pictures on facebook and the only album he has there is the one I persuaded him to upload. If I was happiest ever with someone now I wouldn't do it to him..
I know. I doubt though he is not realizing that he is being mean to me. After their first date he uploaded pictures on facebook to let everyone know how cool he is without me. Not to mention that he never wants to put pictures on facebook and the only album he has there is the one I persuaded him to upload. If I was happiest ever with someone now I wouldn't do it to him..
You sound just like my friend. Both of you say that you're moving on and you're done. Yet, he continues to wonder why she doesn't talk to him as often as they used to; why is she dating a guy that he feels is beneath her. You're too caught up in what he's doing. Again, I've been there. Like I tell my friend, you have to re-position your thoughts. Otherwise, you'll continue to checkout his FB page and worry about what he's doing when you should be worried about what you're doing to move on.
he uploaded pictures of his new girl and thats being mean? i think your taking this a little too personally as i highly doubt many men think that far ahead lol.
hes probbaly just proud he managed to hook a 19 yr old and wants to show her off to his buddies!
hes allowed to be happy, and hes allowed to show it...
dont take facebook as a do all end all...lol.
and id personally hope you would do the same thing...go find someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you feel alive and announce it to the world...thats what relationships are all about, being happy, feeling special and letting the whole dang world know it!
mean is calling you and making comments about how hot his new girlfriend is, or how she will do all these thigns you never would ect...
facebook statuses and pictures are not being mean...
not wanting to "talk things through" with you is not being mean...
honestly from everything youve said its obvious your still hurting and the fact that he has so easily moved on makes you hurt even more...
thats not HIS fault...
and its something only you can overcome...and i realy hope you do...you deserve to be happy just like he does.
dont take his posts/photos ect personal...hes showing her off to his buddies...not trying to rub it in your face...
i hihgly doubt someone who hates putting pictures on his facebook is going to put his new girlfrineds up there JUST to 'be mean" to you...
and if he is...all the more reason to wash your hands of it and forget him...
if hes purposly doing this as a method of hurting you hes a jerk who isnt worth the time...
if not...hes simply a guy whos moved on...
and you need to realize the first isnt the kind of guy you want in your life and the latter doesnt understand where your comming from.
Whoever has the EX.......Shutup and let him go. He is not dating other women to **** you off. He is dating other women because he is over you. So what that she is 19? Who cares but you? No one.
You sound just like my friend. Both of you say that you're moving on and you're done. Yet, he continues to wonder why she doesn't talk to him as often as they used to; why is she dating a guy that he feels is beneath her. You're too caught up in what he's doing. Again, I've been there. Like I tell my friend, you have to re-position your thoughts. Otherwise, you'll continue to checkout his FB page and worry about what he's doing when you should be worried about what you're doing to move on.
You're right, thank you. As I said I'm really trying hard. First I started eating again, than sleep came back to me... now I'm taking dancing lessons, I go swimming, I go out with my friends... etc. I want to feel good again. Each time I called him he yelled at me. I deleted him on facebook, than he blocked me.. no more visits like that, no calls or anything really. I just have to clear my mind and I guess it will take some time before I feel completely fine with myself again...
No it would not. The reason I mentioned her age is that it was really a surprise for me and all in all he behaves like a totally different person.
This is because he is rebounding. Trust me, Skin, there's a 99% probability that this will burn itself out in a few months, if it even lasts that long.
My own experience with break-ups, and from what I've seen with my friends and their exes, is that when men do this (and not all do), it's a quick band-aid to distract themselves. The woman takes the time to heal and regroup while the man goes out cavorting and "finding himself." He then finds a woman who is, as someone else proudly proclaimed, everything his ex is not.
Which means that he's not even aware of the power you still have over him if he is comparing the new person to you, but hey, let him have his delusions. At least he's not stalking you.
Then, six months later, when the woman has moved on with her life and is just dipping her toes into the dating pool, all of a sudden, the man comes back, and he's a wreck. His romance with the woman who was "everything" you supposedly were not fizzled. She kicked him to the curb (probably because she was sick of hearing about you) and he realized that she was nothing compared to you, and he wants to know if there's any chance for you and him to try again. OR, he saw on your FB that you now have a few new male friends and you're dating. Or, if you signed up for an online dating service, he may see your profile there. And suddenly, you aren't so bad after all, now that he's "had a chance to step back and think about it."
If I had a dollar for every time I've seen this happen, and every time it has happened to me, I could take you to lunch somewhere nice.
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