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Old 11-26-2010, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Where there is too much snow!
6,098 posts, read 11,499,511 times
Reputation: 2944

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A couple of months before Halloween my wife and I called a bunch of our friends and asked them if they were interested in a costume party at our home. All replied with enthusiasm, or at least we thought. We supplied all the food, soft drinks, alcohol and the wife worked really hard to put the music together that we thought would be close to the spirit of things. She also sent out handmade invites to all of them, "again she worked hard on those as well" about 6 weeks prier to the party. Many of those that were invited showed up in costume, and so really nice ones I must say.

One couple showed up but not in costume because as they put it, "we had to support the local football team" and they showed up 2 hours late and left early. Even though they have no children playing for the team. And the last couple who I thought for sure would show, just blew us off all together. I know this because I called and talked to them just a few days prior to the party.

Would you consider it rude for the last two couple to have done what they did? Especially since my wife did all that hard work putting this whole thing together and they were the ones that we thought to be our closest friends. We were thinking of making this a yearly event, but now we're having second thoughts because our friends "the two couple mentioned" want to become sticks in the mud.
Why is it that no one wants to break loose and have some good clean fun anymore?
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:07 PM
 
25,736 posts, read 27,263,296 times
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No. I wouldn't consider it rude. Though they already had other plans which must have been made well in advance of your sending out invitations for the party (since football rosters are set up even before school begins), they made an effort to at least show up at your party anyway. It was kind of them to show up even if it was late. It was a show of solidarity and of loyalty to you and was nice.

As a host/hostess, I personally would be thrilled at the party turn-out as it was, and if anyone didn't "comply" exactly with the party details, then I wouldn't think about it being rude or not rude; as a hostess it would be on me to make others feel comfortable and welcome, not on others to make *me* feel better (within reason...I mean if guests cause a serious problem then that's another matter).

I personally would be just glad so many people came and I would be doubly glad that everyone had fun.

Yes, putting together parties *is* a lot of work. It's also rarely something that's done with a gun to one's head. It isn't expected for the guests to make sure you're feeling happy (as the host/hostess) because of the amount of work you put in. Their only responsibilities as a guest are: RSVP if this has been requested; show up; be happy; don't cause problems. The end.
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:16 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,849 posts, read 32,115,305 times
Reputation: 22507
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthBound? View Post
A couple of months before Halloween my wife and I called a bunch of our friends and asked them if they were interested in a costume party at our home. All replied with enthusiasm, or at least we thought. We supplied all the food, soft drinks, alcohol and the wife worked really hard to put the music together that we thought would be close to the spirit of things. She also sent out handmade invites to all of them, "again she worked hard on those as well" about 6 weeks prier to the party. Many of those that were invited showed up in costume, and so really nice ones I must say.

One couple showed up but not in costume because as they put it, "we had to support the local football team" and they showed up 2 hours late and left early. Even though they have no children playing for the team. And the last couple who I thought for sure would show, just blew us off all together. I know this because I called and talked to them just a few days prior to the party.

Would you consider it rude for the last two couple to have done what they did? Especially since my wife did all that hard work putting this whole thing together and they were the ones that we thought to be our closest friends. We were thinking of making this a yearly event, but now we're having second thoughts because our friends "the two couple mentioned" want to become sticks in the mud.
Why is it that no one wants to break loose and have some good clean fun anymore?
The friends who did not show should have called with regrets. Otherwise, the football people were ok. They showed up which is all they promised to do.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:17 PM
 
6,654 posts, read 7,387,183 times
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I agree with JerZ. I never was one to dress up on Holloween even though I enjoy the enthusiasm of others in this pursuit. I think the last time I was invited to a costume party I did show up late dressed as the Unknown Comic. If it were me I would throw the party but maybe state dress up as an option, perhaps? Or make it fun by adding incentives to dress up like a contest of some sort.
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Where there is too much snow!
6,098 posts, read 11,499,511 times
Reputation: 2944
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
No. I wouldn't consider it rude. Though they already had other plans which must have been made well in advance of your sending out invitations for the party (since football rosters are set up even before school begins), they made an effort to at least show up at your party anyway. It was kind of them to show up even if it was late. It was a show of solidarity and of loyalty to you and was nice.

As a host/hostess, I personally would be thrilled at the party turn-out as it was, and if anyone didn't "comply" exactly with the party details, then I wouldn't think about it being rude or not rude; as a hostess it would be on me to make others feel comfortable and welcome, not on others to make *me* feel better (within reason...I mean if guests cause a serious problem then that's another matter).

I personally would be just glad so many people came and I would be doubly glad that everyone had fun.

Yes, putting together parties *is* a lot of work. It's also rarely something that's done with a gun to one's head. It isn't expected for the guests to make sure you're feeling happy (as the host/hostess) because of the amount of work you put in. Their only responsibilities as a guest are: RSVP if this has been requested; show up; be happy; don't cause problems. The end.
Thanks, I understand the part of the couple who did show, late or not. Even though not having children playing football one would think that friends are more important than some silly little child's game. But at least they showed.

But the second couple never showed, never called after the party and we have yet to ever hear from them at all since the party. And I plan on not calling them first.

RSVP was requested.
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:24 PM
 
Location: The State Line
2,355 posts, read 3,445,091 times
Reputation: 2749
I'd rather not make too many assumptions, since I don't know how long you've known these people, how close you really are, or if these actions are characteristics of theirs. However, at face value:

As for the first couple, it's possible they had other things they wanted or needed to do, but wanted to be "polite" by at least showing up. Leaving early is OK depending on how early and if it's warranted; being a little late is OK, too; 2 hours late seems little much, but I don't know the whole story.

As for the second couple, it would have been common courtesy for them to at least call if they couldn't make it; or even apologize later on for not being there.

Unless something important came up, their behavior from the 1st couple to the next ranges from debatably to clearly rude.

Also, as a side note, even if you're providing everything, a guest should at least bring something to a party....
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:30 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,849 posts, read 32,115,305 times
Reputation: 22507
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthBound? View Post
[color="Indigo"][b]Thanks, I understand the part of the couple who did show, late or not. Even though not having children playing football one would think that friends are more important than some silly little child's game.
I don't know about where you live, but where I live, it is very important for business people to be "seen" supporting the community (and the schools especially). I agree that it is a silly little child's game, but maybe they felt it was important to go, for whatever reason.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:40 PM
 
449 posts, read 863,203 times
Reputation: 400
If it was just one couple you don't have much to go on. After all, they may have a good reason.

In general, I do think it is rude not to show up when you said you would. People put a lot of effort into making parties and such. If you say you will be there, you be there.

People are just self centered these days. I will bend over backward to attend an event if I committed to it.
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:45 PM
Status: "No longer very optimistic." (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
41,248 posts, read 51,079,804 times
Reputation: 71391
This was year one for a great holiday party tradition. Next year will be more telling. If all the invitees come next year and participate fully, from then on your party invite will be anticipated and sought after. Sounds like great fun.
Where we used to live, a very nice couple with 3 kids, a log house, and a lovely yard, who were new to the area, gave both a family Christmas party and a summer party for adults only. There was a huge cross section of people there, and we all looked forward to it every year. It was so nice of them to do it and those of us who were invited were so happy to be a part of it.
Maybe you should "forget" to invite couple #2 next year?
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Old 11-26-2010, 06:48 PM
 
4,898 posts, read 17,246,442 times
Reputation: 3838
the couple who didnt show up, didnt call and STILL hasnt called---are blowing you off. for whatever reason they either had something terrible happen in their lives and are just not calling, or have decided they dont want you as freinds. that is how i would take it as.
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