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I still dont get how there are people who are calling this guy a douche our a jerk. I put myself in the OPs shoes and dont feel there is anything wrong with my wife saying I need to workout on anything because she would like it better. Why is it such a big deal? Is everyone so super sensitive here or have so many insecurities that you feel that this is a problem?
OP, why dont you just do some squats and deadlifts then if you know that the person will find you more attractive? You put on makeupso that he thinks you look better. You go to the salon so that he finds you more attractive. There isnt really much different other than your health/fitness will improve with the exercise.
If she exercises, she might lose more weight and he wants her to gain weight. Also with exercising you can't just gain/lose muscle/fat in a particular spot.
It's immature, ignorant and an uneducated comment for what this guy is saying. It's like telling someone fix a crooked nose by working out or telling someone with a certain height to grow lol. You can't change someone's height and in my opinion this is akin to what the boyfriend is asking. Her body shape is thin with a smaller butt. He obviously knew her body type when they got together (unless she lost weight?). And if it's the same weight, he shouldn't have started dating her.
Lao, So you really can't empathize with someone who has their feelings hurt. Maybe you don't get this particular thing as it has to do with weight and you are obviously very secure with your weight. But to not be able to understand the actual feeling....I find that kind of odd and a bit narcissistic.
OP, it's not about fighting over the size of your butt but it's that he has made the size of your butt such a big issue. So much that he is not listening to you tell him that it hurts your feelings.
My husband is a butt man. He has his concept of a perfect butt. I used to have it but I gained weight after I broke my foot and injured my back. Now that I'm feeling better, he offers to go for walks with me, to exercise with me, but it's for overall body toning and weight control and not because he wants that shape butt.
And he would NEVER hurt my feelings by telling me that my butt is no longer his ideal. I know it isn't and never will be again - I'm too old. But he loves me no matter what shape my butt is in and he makes that abundantly clear to me.
If your man is trying to change you into something you aren't, that isn't love. or even caring.
My boyfriend once in a while would say "you need to go to the gym and do some squats", or "you need to gain 10 more pounds", or "you are getting too skinny, your butt is getting smaller", or " I'm an ***-guy, I like a big butt".
Then, later on, I randomly asked him if he had dated anyone very pretty before, and he said "yeah there was one girl I thought was very pretty." When asked why, he said because "she had big boobs and a big butt".
We have been fighting a lot over this because I am now under the impression that he just doesn't like my body. He always says I'm his woman, men are visual, so he wants the best of me. Sometimes it becomes so unbearable that I wanted to leave him, and then he would say "I like your butt, but it can still become bigger by working out"
Just wondering if it's normal for a guy to constantly say this type of thing (it annoys me very much). I'm 5'5'', 33-24.5-35.5, I really think I'm in good shape (so do lots of other guys except for my boyfriend)
For everyone who think she/he is in a serious relationship, how often do you make similar comments to your partner? How often do you receive such comments? Is it me being too sensitive or he's just worth my time anymore?
He sounds like he's tired of your body. He has either found someone who he is fooling around with who has the butt and body he prefers more, or he is actively looking for a woman with the body he prefers. It's pretty certain too that he is probably heavy into porno, comparing you to the various girls he sees on porno sites.
I'm pretty sure you have an incredible body judging by your measurements. Do yourself a favor, and lose this character. He's immature, has no tact, and is not your type. Someone else out there who will appreciate you as you are. Quit wasting time with this guy.
As a rule of thumb for any woman, the guy you're with should NEVER make you feel like your body isn't good enough for him IMO. If he does, he's doing one or more of the three things I mentioned this loser is probably doing.
My boyfriend once in a while would say "you need to go to the gym and do some squats", or "you need to gain 10 more pounds", or "you are getting too skinny, your butt is getting smaller", or " I'm an ***-guy, I like a big butt".
How long have you dated this guy?
NO, it's not appropriate for him to mention your body flaws (to him). I agree with someone else. Fight fire with fire. See another guy on the street or talk about an old boyfriend. Sweetie, I wish you were muscular like that guy. Wow.
Do you like everything about your boyfriend. He has opened the door on your relationship. It's time to talk about his flaws as well.
My exhubs liked long hair. I hate it. I grew it out for him. Well, I told him I like sideburns. He grow them for awhile. Next thing, he cut them. Said, it was too much work to maintain. Inturn I cut my hair with the same reasoning.
My coworker is going thru a nasty divorce. Her hubs told her --her breast sag. She said, I've never mentioned anything about your penis. Never as long as we've been married. You know what. That bastrd stopped that shyt.
I dont see what the big deal is here. My wife says things to me about her preferring that I have flatter abs, bigger traps, or firmer/rounder butt and it doesnt bother me at all. If she touches my stomach and it rolls a bit she'll say "hey fat boy, time to do something about this" I just slightly adjust my workout routine and all is well. Is this one of those male/female double standards where its okay for one but not for the other? I dont think anything negative about my wife for saying things like this to me. Is it because I have thicker skin than you? Is it because I have no issues about my body? Probably. But I really just dont get everyone calling the guy a jerk.
How different is this from if you were a smoker and he said that he prefers you NOT to smoke? If I gain weight, the wife will call me "fat boy" or her favorite for what she calls women - "Fat cow dog". I'll call her "Gilbert Grape's mother" or "Grimace" if she gains weight. The thing is, we both know it comes from a "love and care" viewpoint so we never get upset.
I dont see what the big problem is.
The problem is that he is saying things that are hurting her feelings. Caring about your partner's feelings is the number one issue in a relationship.
Your partner's appearance should be waaaay down the list of priorities...unless you have really messed up priorities...just sayin...
If she exercises, she might lose more weight and he wants her to gain weight. Also with exercising you can't just gain/lose muscle/fat in a particular spot.
Newsflash - When a guys says he wants a woman with a big butt, he is not saying "Fat Butt". He wants her to firm and shape it up which is why he said go to the gym and do some squats. After all, a rounder, firmer, shapelier butt IS more attractive than a small saggy one. If that is NOT what he's saying then the OP and all you women here should be happy that she's with a guy who wont mind if she gains weight. Ive seen SOOOOOO MANY of you CD women post things in these here boards about "god bless the men who like us overweight women" or "thank god for men who dont mind when their woman gains weight" or something similar. So again I ask what is the big deal?
Asking her to do some squats to shape up her bottom is no different than a woman asking her man to get a certain type of haircut, stop smoking cigarettes, or dont drink so much beer. Even so, if my wife (or any girlfriend I ever had) were to tell me to get flatter abs or bigger shoulders I would NOT think of her as being a "jerk" or "douche" as I would just place more emphasis on those areas and will reap the rewards of being in better health, better shape, and having my significant other find me MORE sexually attractive.
[quote=sheenie2000;16800679] It's immature, ignorant and an uneducated comment for what this guy is saying. It's like telling someone fix a crooked nose by working out or telling someone with a certain height to grow lol. You can't change someone's height and in my opinion this is akin to what the boyfriend is asking.
FALSE. Asking someone to do squats to improve their butt is NOT the same thing as asking someone to fix a crooked nose, grow a few inches, make the boobs bigger, or make the penis bigger. Those things are either IMPOSSIBLE to do or can only be done through operation. This guy is not saying any of those things.
[quote=LaoTzuMindFu;16805801]Newsflash - When a guys says he wants a woman with a big butt, he is not saying "Fat Butt". He wants her to firm and shape it up which is why he said go to the gym and do some squats. After all, a rounder, firmer, shapelier butt IS more attractive than a small saggy one. If that is NOT what he's saying then the OP and all you women here should be happy that she's with a guy who wont mind if she gains weight. Ive seen SOOOOOO MANY of you CD women post things in these here boards about "god bless the men who like us overweight women" or "thank god for men who dont mind when their woman gains weight" or something similar. So again I ask what is the big deal?
Asking her to do some squats to shape up her bottom is no different than a woman asking her man to get a certain type of haircut, stop smoking cigarettes, or dont drink so much beer. Even so, if my wife (or any girlfriend I ever had) were to tell me to get flatter abs or bigger shoulders I would NOT think of her as being a "jerk" or "douche" as I would just place more emphasis on those areas and will reap the rewards of being in better health, better shape, and having my significant other find me MORE sexually attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheenie2000
It's immature, ignorant and an uneducated comment for what this guy is saying. It's like telling someone fix a crooked nose by working out or telling someone with a certain height to grow lol. You can't change someone's height and in my opinion this is akin to what the boyfriend is asking.
FALSE. Asking someone to do squats to improve their butt is NOT the same thing as asking someone to fix a crooked nose, grow a few inches, make the boobs bigger, or make the penis bigger. Those things are either IMPOSSIBLE to do or can only be done through operation. This guy is not saying any of those things.
Asking someone to change for you is wrong. Especially, if we are not married. Her azz was flat, when he asked her out (if it's flat). Who is he to say, hey you should...
Now, if your partner has gained weight, then yes. You should still word your comment wisely. I didn't tell my xhubs he gained weight. I cooked differently. I feed him more fish and chicken. Rid the house of snacks. It worked.
Newsflash - When a guys says he wants a woman with a big butt, he is not saying "Fat Butt". He wants her to firm and shape it up which is why he said go to the gym and do some squats. After all, a rounder, firmer, shapelier butt IS more attractive than a small saggy one. If that is NOT what he's saying then the OP and all you women here should be happy that she's with a guy who wont mind if she gains weight. Ive seen SOOOOOO MANY of you CD women post things in these here boards about "god bless the men who like us overweight women" or "thank god for men who dont mind when their woman gains weight" or something similar. So again I ask what is the big deal?
Asking her to do some squats to shape up her bottom is no different than a woman asking her man to get a certain type of haircut, stop smoking cigarettes, or dont drink so much beer. Even so, if my wife (or any girlfriend I ever had) were to tell me to get flatter abs or bigger shoulders I would NOT think of her as being a "jerk" or "douche" as I would just place more emphasis on those areas and will reap the rewards of being in better health, better shape, and having my significant other find me MORE sexually attractive.
FALSE. Asking someone to do squats to improve their butt is NOT the same thing as asking someone to fix a crooked nose, grow a few inches, make the boobs bigger, or make the penis bigger. Those things are either IMPOSSIBLE to do or can only be done through operation. This guy is not saying any of those things.
I still think it's different. You are comparing it to someone who's saying lose weight. But in this scenario, the girl is thin and doesn't need to lose weight. You are implying her butt is saggy. But he wants it bigger, can doing squats make her butt bigger? And if it does, will it still be good enough? Maybe her butt is just small and that's just the shape of it. And probably the only thing that will satisfy him is to probably get implants. (Or the other alternative is to gain weight). And then at that point , he'll probably be like oh ur too fat...
I am curious though, if the OP goes to the gym and does stairmaster/squats for a few weeks and see what happens. I bet you, this guy will still be unhappy.
I still think it's different. You are comparing it to someone who's saying lose weight. But in this scenario, the girl is thin and doesn't need to lose weight. You are implying her butt is saggy. But he wants it bigger, can doing squats make her butt bigger? And if it does, will it still be good enough? Maybe her butt is just small and that's just the shape of it. And probably the only thing that will satisfy him is to probably get implants. (Or the other alternative is to gain weight). And then at that point , he'll probably be like oh ur too fat...
I am curious though, if the OP goes to the gym and does stairmaster/squats for a few weeks and see what happens. I bet you, this guy will still be unhappy.
Im am pretty sure the guy is not really asking her to get a fat butt. Remember, that MOST guys refer to a woman who has a nice butt as her having a "big butt".
Exhibit B of Vida Guerra - //www.city-data.com/forum/4947592-post180.html She is another example of a woman that many men would say has a "big butt" but she is in no way shape or form big. She's like 5' 4", 22 inch waist and maybe only 120 pounds. But because she has a nice bottom, people say "Oh wow, she has a nice big butt".
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