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Met this girl through some friends. We got to now each other and started dating. It had been a few years for me to date, so I was up for it. I am 29 she is 31. Over the first two dates, she told me her problems. Since I liked her for who she was, I over looked them and treated her like there was no issues or problems. Here's the list:
Filed for bankruptcy just before I met her.
Filed for two divorces, which the last one was just finalized while we were dating.
Had a foreclosure on her home.
Has a 13 year old daughter.
Graves disease
Irritable Bowel Syndrom
Crons Disease
CIDP disease (auto-immune disfunction)
Super hyper active thyroid
Physically abused by her husband
Nonetheless, I moved forward, as I really liked her and her daughter. Now, here's where I made a small mistake. I said I worked in finance, but I really worked as a broker. Before you jump all over me, there is a reason for this. I wanted her to like me for me, not for my money. That was the only reason. I said I worked a lower paying job, not the current higher paying one. I know, it was not the wisest decision, but a few of my friends, got wheeled into relationships, then marriage and lost almost everything. When she's only making 35k a year, and I am making north of 500k, it is a big deal.
Back to the story. Everything was going well until her medical issues started to come out of remission. They put her on all of these aggressive drugs that made her life hard. Of course, I was supportive and would do anything for her. But her attitude changed. She was mean, uncaring, sad, bitter and really did not want to do much. So, no problem, we did things locally and with her daughter. I did not bat an eye. Our night out, just the two of us, once a week, her daughter and her friend or friends started to come with us. Keep in mind, two other days a week, I spend solely with her and her daughter. Saturday's was always our night. I felt like a step father. Next day, we wake up and she gives me an ultimatum on us. She said, listen, I am not looking for anything serious now, just causal and a fun time. This is four months into our relationship and me being with her and her family three or four days per week. I do not plan to marry you. I do not plan to move in with you later down the line. I cannot go away on vacations with just the two of us. For the next few years, it is just me and my daughter. You are welcomed to hang around if you want. I was floored and speechless. I just said, I had to go and I left her apt. Next day, we had her family gathering. I really did not want to go, but I said I would two months ago, so I went. Game to pick her up. She opened her door to let me in and walked away. No kiss or hug. We sat down, she was on the other side of the couch, not right next to me as she always had been before. We drive away, she wasn't very talkative. At the event, we barely talked. Every time I tried, she gave me one or two work answers. She asked if I wanted to dance, I said sure, let's. She turns away from me and dances with her mother and father. I walked away. We drove home and I put the radio on. She said, oh, you do not want to talk, I said, I want to listen to some music. Arrived at her condo, and she asked if I wanted to come up, I said, I need to get home. She said fine. Left the car and slammed the door. Texted me to say if there is something on your mind, let's talk. I said, okay, let's talk tomorrow in person. She said fine. Then she replied back, I'd rather know now. So went through the whole thing via text. I said we need a break. She said, times are tough and it was not the right time. She said I still would like to talk to you though, I said, of course, anytime.
I had not heard from her in three months, so I called her. She would not answer her phone, but would respond to my texts. She said you lied to me where you worked and you and me were so wrong for each other. I cannot believe I dated you. It was a big mistake. Let alone, in April, she said I was the greatest thing that had happened to her in a long time, and I said the same to her. She said I am over you, you need to move on. You are a liar and I do not want anything to do with you. I tried calling again, she would not answer. I offered to meet her, she would not. I would had explained everything, but she would not hear of it. I asked her where she heard everything, she would not tell me. We went back and forth for an hour or so. Every time she said she had to go, she kept on going on about this. I say bye and I wish you the best.
I met some causal friends of ours a week or so later and they told me she dumped me and the reason was I could not handle her and her daughter. Who's the liar now? This was nothing I could not handle with her and her daughter. In fact, I offered to take her with us everywhere, even before she asked her daughter to come. Her daughter even told me that I was a great fit for her mother. Anyway, two weeks after I left her, she started having sexual relations with another guy. Not only sexual relations, but started having him sleep over the entire weekend with her daughter in the next room. They are still FWB's, but here's the ironic thing. He is also having sexual relations with at least two other women too.
Was I really that bad to her? I only left, and dated no other women, to give her time to handle her issues. I saw the relationship straining, so I thought that would be the best thing for her and her daughter. It was not done out of spite. It killed me to do this too. Cause I cared so much for her. In fact, ironically, I still am concerned for her. Just do not know what to do.
What is it exactly you expect to do? She's a grown woman who's capable of living her own life and making her own decisions. Granted some of her decisions may be horrible ones but they are still her decisions to make and live by. Some women are just a hot mess. No one (especially someone who seems as nice as you) can change or help that. I think at the end of the day the only thing you can really do is let her know you care, you will always be there and if she needs anything then she should call you. Some times the harder you try for some one the more they push you away.
You did make a negative comment that you "felt like a step father," like it was a bad thing, and she probably picked that up. She sounds like a very good mom to make her kid her priority.
I think your ego is hurt and you should just move on and forget about it as much as you can . . . with your salary, I don't think you'll have a problem finding dates! In the future, there's no reason to lie about your position . . . it doesn't say anywhere that you have to let dates review your tax returns so you don't have to divulge your income!
I think she was right that it wasn't a good fit.
Not sure why you included all of her medical history. What does that have to do with anything? Are you trying to show she is somehow flawed in your eyes or that that was a detriment?
dude she sounds like too much. (although she is one because of her life situation). I mean she has a baby at 18. Has 5 diseases. has 2 failed marriages, all by the age of 31. You will never be able to have a happy healthy relationship with this girl. Give it up if you want a normal relationship. Im saying this not to be mean, but because you are not capable of handling a woman like this. She needs years of therapy before she is even ready for a real relationship.
She sounds simply like a game player who wanted to see how many hoops you would jump through if she pushed you away. You are better off without her to be honest.
She sounds like a complete flake. Medical problems are a challenge in themselves but hardly her fault. The rest though, bankrupt, foreclosure, 2 divorces, these are scream 'irresponsible'.
The woman has major major issues. You shouldn't have gotten involved with a women who was fresh out of a divorce. She probably has some major baggage left from that relationship and if she was abused by her ex she has trust issues.
It does seem like she is putting her daughter first though and I do admire her for that. I don't think you should have lied about your job though. When she found out that you lied she may have been thinking that you thought she was just a golddigger.
Move on and find someone who can appreciate you and doesn't have so many problems in their life. Next time be honest about your job as well,
she told you the truth about herself right from the beginning, but you lied right from the beginning....when she found that out, she probably felt like you couldn't trust her, and she didn't want a relationship built on lies...sounds like she's got enogh to deal with..
You did make a negative comment that you "felt like a step father," like it was a bad thing, and she probably picked that up. She sounds like a very good mom to make her kid her priority.
I think your ego is hurt and you should just move on and forget about it as much as you can . . . with your salary, I don't think you'll have a problem finding dates! In the future, there's no reason to lie about your position . . . it doesn't say anywhere that you have to let dates review your tax returns so you don't have to divulge your income!
I think she was right that it wasn't a good fit.
Not sure why you included all of her medical history. What does that have to do with anything? Are you trying to show she is somehow flawed in your eyes or that that was a detriment?
Said the comment to myself, not to her or anyone else. In terms of salary, it has been an issue in the past, where women had been nice, kind and sweet for months into the relationship, and the real woman came out of the wood work. I did not lie to increase my salary, I did it to make it not an issue. Once you take money out of things, you just see two people, and that was what I was doing. Let the two people stand on their own without money being influenced either consciously or sub-consciously. For the record, I already knew some of the medical issues I was getting into, however, I just did not know how severe or debilitating they can be. I, of course, say and think the daughter should always come first. No question. However, when she started to bring her and her entourage of friends along with us on Saturday night dates, it was an issue. Once an a while, no problem. Every Saturday? Come on. Plus, I was with both of them, by my own choice, Sundays, Fridays and Wednesday.
Amazingly, when I left, she started having this other guy come into her life and spend the weekend with her for intimate encounters. Every weekend, less than a month after I left with the daughter sleeping in the next room. Plus, amazingly, she started hanging out with her new sex buddy and his friends every Saturday night as soon as I was out of the picture. Whereas, when I suggested just the two of us to those same places and events, she didn't want to go.
The part where the relationship was ending and the way she started to shack up with another guy immediately after my departure I just find bizarre.
The part where the relationship was ending and the way she started to shack up with another guy immediately after my departure I just find bizarre.
You dodged a bullet when this relationship ended...do you know how lucky you are? There were so many red flags here, it's a wonder you even got involved with her to begin with. Her financial problems and the fact that at 31, she has been divorced twice, should have given you pause. You're right, her behavior is bizarre...just be glad you're not dating her any more.
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