How Do You Protect Someone Who Doesn't Want To Be Protected? (women, older)
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My nature, as well as my training, is geared toward protection (help) of others - whether physical, mental or emotional. The great majority of people whom I've protected were grateful for my services, whether they had requested them (think night-long BS sessions when they had a problem) or simply adding my presence to a physical altercation.
Once in a long while I'll encounter someone who doesn't want my protection. I back down as quietly and politely as possible, even when I think they could use my help.
I realize that acceptance of my help is totally up to them - I would never force it upon them. But it leaves me wondering why they would refuse - do they want to "do it themselves", or do they think they would be obligated to me? Do they just want to wish the problem away?
A very close friend of mine recently refused to ask for my help, at a time when it seemed abundantly clear that they needed it. I don't really know how they feel about it, but I feel slighted; as if I'm not trusted to do the right thing.
was it a physical situation? It might have been not that you are not trusted, but that they don't want to get you wrapped into their "drama"
I dont know the specific situation, but I had an altercation a year or so back where a friend was trying to physically protect me but I asked him not to because I was afraid of what might happen to him later on....
To get into specifics? Hmmm...it was a close lady friend, at my club, and a customer had grabbed both her wrists when she was onstage and wouldn't let go. I was occupied at another spot at the moment it happened and I didn't learn about it until just today. (It happened 2 weeks ago).
Part of my job at the club is to nip these things in the bud, so it bothers me not only from the viewpoint that I failed in my duty but also that it wasn't brought to my attention for so long. We have a strange relationship, but essentially I'm her "work spouse" and I've intervened on her behalf before when customers got a little too frisky - as I would do and have done for any of the girls (or customers, for that matter).
It isn't as if she had to fear my getting hurt - in the last two months I've been threatened with a machete, tossed out a few all-purpose trouble-makers and took a pistol off of a guy, in addition to the regular quota of "cool-downs" - verbal de-escalations. I know my stuff, so that shouldn't be a factor in this.
Actually, I was wondering if this was her way of distancing herself from me...
so what are we talking about here, strippers? At the risk of sounding mean, strippers react to that sort of situation in ways non-strippers wouldn't. Who knows, perhaps that patron gave her a huge tip the week before, and she didn't want you to jeopardize that source of income. Or maybe she is trying to distance herself from you, thinking that you have a little sexual crush on her.
Is it possible that she just doesn't like the idea of needing you to protect her? I think it's hard for some people to accept help even when they know they need it. They don't want to seem weak. This is especially true of men, but I've seen it in women as well.
Perhaps she just didn't want the added attention/drama by asking for help. Thinking it might be weighed against her somehow in an attempt to either spare her job or maybe cover something up. All you can do is let someone know you are there for them, the rest is up to them.
There very possibly is something else going on - she may have been threatened with harm outside the club where you cannot protect her. But the bottom line is that she is interfering in you doing your job - which is to protect her while she is on the premises. I think you need to have a talk with her and ask her why she didn't let you do your job. If you approach it that way, she might be a little more forthcoming with the real reason why she didn't let you know.
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