Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm Asian and although my parents verbally tell me it's OK to date or even marry a white woman, I still have mental qualms about it.. maybe it has to do with my traditional upbringing..
I've had one night stands with white women but all of my girlfriends have been Asian..
I dont like hipsters. They sound progressive but they are some of the biggest racists out there. They think all black people are ghetto and gangster and have no qualms talking to black people that way. In reality they are just a bunch of ignorant wannabee musicians from the midwest living off their parents bankrol.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I don't know any hipsters who are racist or as ignorant as you make them. Just another stereotype.
I've never really had any issues while dating men of different races.. We've definitely gotten LOOKS, ( mostly from strangers ) but my family has never said anything disapproving nor implied it either. My first love when I was like 5yrs old was my neighbors' Hispanic grandson, so I think I gave them fair warning!
And my friends aren't the type who would say some crazy sh*t anyways...I wouldn't be havin that.
Really the only people who have made rude/racist comments about it where white guys I've dated afterwards (or prior to) because they were stupid idiots...
Most people are okay with interracial relationships and marriages, but there are still some people who don't approve of it. I personally know two people, my mom, whose 49 and my Grandpa who don't agree with it. In fact, about 15 years ago, my Aunt was dating a black man, she knew my Grandpa would be upset if he found out, so she kept the relationship a secret. But then my Grandpa eventually found out and he was FURIOUS about it. They had a screaming argument over it and 15 years later, they still don't talk to one another. This is really sad considering the fact that my Grandpa is dying from cancer and they still won't make up over what happened.
Now, my mom just told me that she believes that people should date people of their own color. Why? I don't know. But my Grandpa is 70, so he grew up in a time when the United States was a very racist place, he was just basically taught to be racist. He also grew up in Key West, Florida, and when he was growing up, Key West was an extremely racist city before the 1970s.
But what about other people today? Why do some people still not believe in blacks and whites dating and marrying? Even among the younger generation, there are still some who don't agree with it, although almost all are okay with it.
Quiet as it's kept (and this coming from a 50-something black man), there are a LOT more interracial relationships/marriages prevalent today, than there were say, 30 to 40 years ago...that goes among heterosexuals and quite possibly the gay community as well...
With respect to your Grandpa, the best thing I can say is that people like him, who have hissy-fits and conniptions about dealing with black folk, is that their generation is dying off...but as others have said, sometimes that negative behavior is passed on to the next generation, blacks and whites alike...
Now, the other thing that struck me about your post was the remark from your Mom, as to 'people should only date people of their own color'...Bullsquat---you are an adult, with your own thought processes, likes and dislikes...should you have the desire to date outside your race, and wish to act on it, then the best course to follow with her and like-minded others, is to frankly (and with the utmost respect) tell them to grab a mallet and go pound salt...she has the right to her opinion, and the expression of same, but as an adult, YOU have the right to do as you feel and please...
Don't deny yourself a possibly enriching experience (i.e. maybe finding the love of your life) simply because people want to sit in a circle somewhere and cluck their tongues, and make a bunch of petty, stupid, candy-a** comments ('well, you know about THOSE people...why would you want to be with someone who isn't white?!!)...I address this not only to you, the OP, but to anyone else, black or white, that feels like they want to date/marry interracially...
People can go 'tsk tsk tsk' until their brains rot, but ultimately, they and their unsolicited opinions are not the final authority over what you do with your life---YOU are, and if you don't exercise the courage to make your own choices, then you have no one but yourself to blame when you wind up sitting alone somewhere, pining away and muttering 'I woulda, I coulda, I shoulda'...
I think the real problem, and it goes beyond just race, is that people worry way too much about what total strangers think. I've dated outside of my race, I've dated people who were older, and I've dated people who had kids. I'm sure people stared, said stuff behind my back, and occasionally people said things to my face. But I always asked myself, "who is this person and why do I care what they think?"
Now it's one thing to say "I won't date an Asian because I don't find Asian features attractive." You have no control over what you think is attractive so you shouldn't have to apologize for it. But if your reluctance stems from what someone else will think, then stop and ask yourself whether their approval means anything to you and whether it's more important than your own happiness. Let's say you pass up the person you prefer and marry someone your family approves of. Well they're not the one who has to live with the person you married. When your parents are dead and buried, you're the one stuck with that you married and maybe chose to have kids with.
The older generations are stuck on outdated notions of what they think the world is supposed to be like. That's probably why a lot of them voted for McCain. Anyone but the black guy. Thankfully, they and their values will eventually die off.
I'm 25 and I have never dated outside my race and probably never will. Also have never had the desire to and have never really been attracted to anyone of another race. It's my choice and I'm attracted to my own race.
Now it's one thing to say "I won't date an Asian because I don't find Asian features attractive." You have no control over what you think is attractive so you shouldn't have to apologize for it. But if your reluctance stems from what someone else will think, then stop and ask yourself whether their approval means anything to you and whether it's more important than your own happiness. Let's say you pass up the person you prefer and marry someone your family approves of. Well they're not the one who has to live with the person you married. When your parents are dead and buried, you're the one stuck with that you married and maybe chose to have kids with.
Oftentimes though what many may deem a "natural preference" is indeed very much influenced by the opinions of family, media and close social circles. If you grow up continuously surrounded by images and expectations of who you "should and shouldn't" find attractive you're more likely than not to develop a learned internal disposition towards people who fit those images and expectations. Attraction is ultimately visceral and faceless.
Those you are "naturally attracted to" are really just those for whom your initial attraction is not already consciously or even subconsciously suppressed in accordance with the dating norms you grew up with and came to accept as natural.
Oftentimes though what many may deem a "natural preference" is indeed very much influenced by the opinions of family, media and close social circles. If you grow up continuously surrounded by images and expectations of who you "should and shouldn't" find attractive you're more likely than not to develop a learned internal disposition towards people who fit those images and expectations. Attraction is ultimately visceral and faceless.
Those you are "naturally attracted to" are really just those for whom your initial attraction is not already consciously or even subconsciously suppressed in accordance with the dating norms you grew up with and came to accept as natural.
It doesn't really matter whether they have control over who they are attracted to or not. No one should have to explain their dating preferences to anyone.
I don't believe in equal opportunities when it comes to close relationships.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In Answer To You...
