If you were on a date and got asked if your job paid you enough to cover all your bills, how would you respond? (man, prenup)
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Maybe the person is asking because their job doesn't, or they want to get an opinion on a career choice move, or they're wondering what your opinion on financial responsibility is. It's funny to picture people getting so defensive that they ask for the check and storm out the door, or tell the person to go to hell and leave them sitting there.
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I don't think that's appropriate for a first date, or an early date...I wouldn't be concerned with it until I felt pretty sure I wanted to try and build a relationship with the person. I sure don't know that on a first date.
As something to want to know, eventually? Well, yeah, and I like how it was phrased...not "how much do you make?" but more a question of if the person is living within their means. I do think that's important. I don't care much if a man is very wealthy, but a man who makes less but actually has no debt, and has some savings, well color me impressed! I prefer to date responsible adults. I can certainly however still date someone who has some debt, if they are managing it well. As a woman who is still recovering financially from a disaster of a divorce, I used to say, "I wouldn't date me." It's true. Still, there are more tactful ways she could have nudged for that information, it is a bit blunt.
I had a date once who came out in conversation with some very frank talk about a very weird kink he is into, and...look, you guys know I'm not shy, if anything I overshare and I can talk about pretty much whatever. But this? So not something you tell a gal on a first date. I actually did wind up dating him for a while, and we're still friends, but I have always given him a hard time about it. You tell me something like that, I might make jokes, I can't help it.
What was the kink? Well I'll give you a hint. The Joker once said that this town needed one...
I would just point out what I always have -- that both the tax laws and the "accepted rules of 'Korporate' behavior" make it relatively easy to get by -- but very difficult to get ahead. Marginal tax rates -- the additional taxes imposed on additional income -- are what makes "good time" money disappear more quickly, but far too many people of marriageable age haven't grasped that yet. The women I admired most on my dating days were those who knew how to make the most of what was already there.
Someone else made a very good point about how this question depends greatly on the age of the people involved.
At younger ages people don't tend to care as much.
At older ages you start looking towards retirement, maybe have kids headed to college in the nearer future and have gotten old enough to hear the horror stories of friends and families that got into relationships with bad financial implications.
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If the woman is dating to find a partner, (rather than maybe a friend's brother is in town and bored) the question is appropriate, IMHO.
The question do you make enough to cover your bills isn't asking "how much do you make", but rather "why are you living with your parents when you are 24 and employed full time".
And that question, IMHO, is appropriate on the first date. As is, do you have children? Are you currently in a relationship with someone else? What do you like to do for fun?
I just looked at her like she was crazy. I couldnt believe it. My job pays ok.(I work in an entry-level position at one of the Big 4 Banks) People tell me I look well off,but I'm 24 and living at home, so I have to disagree....anyway...how would have you responded to that?
I would have said What business is it of yours??
I think that was her way of trying to determine if you weren't dirt poor without having to actually ask.People nowadays can be so nosy!!! I think that was sort of rude.
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Originally Posted by codergirl
I would have said What business is it of yours??
I think that was her way of trying to determine if you weren't dirt poor without having to actually ask.People nowadays can be so nosy!!! I think that was sort of rude.
This isn't like someone turned to their airplane seatmate and asked the question.
This is someone at the beginning of a romantic relationship. In my opinion, if you're both there to check each other out whether you want to try to form a relationship, it's critical to know.
Not the amount of money made. But if this guy is going to be living with mom and dad for the forseeable future.
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