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Old 12-19-2010, 12:59 PM
 
18 posts, read 30,874 times
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Hello on TV, both fictional and reality, in magazines and in conversations, you often hear women ask each other, "what is his job", "does he have a job" or they may ask "so what do you do" to a gut on a date."


My question is, do you strictly view unemployed or underemployed guys are no-gos, following the rule like a strict government clerk without reason or do you ever make exceptions when a guy officially fits the unemployed label officially, but evidence shows that he does fit both of the two common problems associated with the unemployed or underemployed:

1. lack of money

2. being inherently lazy or lacking in ability.


Examples:

1.I know of several people who have aquired mini-fortunes (greater than 100,000, less than 500,000) who have taken time off to explore other factets of their life.

A. I know of an advertising executive who made about 400,000 a year who saved money over the course of several years and then took about three years off, several years ago, to help the Democratic party as a volunteer. He of course was not technically employed.

B. His long time friend a trivia genuis happened to win 250,000 on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire.' He then took time off to travel. By definition, when he left his job, he was not "a man with a job", and if were asked do you have a job, the answer would technically be no. Yet, is there not a difference between a guy who just won 250,000 and currently has no job since they decided to take time off to see the world with such money, and a traditional unemployed guy with no money.

C. A business aquantince of mine knows of a man who got into a good startup, and when the company was bought out made 400,000 from his stock. He is taking time off to explore philosophy, learn screenwriting, and of course travel. By definition, he is not currently working and is "a man without a job",yet does not the fact that he has 400,000 or so in his pocket and did work at a great startup post make him different from normal unemployed men?

2. I sometimes read in the New York times or Wall Street Journal about well educated Wall Street guys who only a few months ago were earning six or seven figures and now are unemployed, and in one case a former investment banker a year after getting laid off is a Fast Food manager.

While if you asked what these guys were doing, they would say "unemployed" or "fast food manager". However, does not the fact that they had a good college education, perhaps some professional accomplishments and the ability to hold for quite sometime an advanced professional job in the first place demonstrate that they are a cut above someone who never held any employment and just bummed off their folks since high school. The fact that they did have such professional jobs only recently shows that they have better inherent abilities and actual work ethic than many currently employed guys.


My main practical worry is this:

I have some potentially lucrative employment opportunities coming up and small ventures, and have a decent job now. However, I plan to after a few years to with money saved take sometime off to see some countries in major transition like Cuba and south Africa. By definition, even if I have money saved and earned it via good abilities and hard work, when women ask so what do you do for a job, and the answer is not that I currently have one, I will be lumped together with the traditional unemployed.

In Australia and Europe, there is a distinction between being a true unemployed dole bludger and simply taking time off from working, however, in America it is sadly either you have a job or you are a lazy slacker, no nuances or shades of gray.
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:05 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 16,371,602 times
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I think women know the difference between someone who is taking time off from working due to having some money saved and someone who is unemployed and broke, simply by viewing their lifestyle. Obviously someone who doesn't have any money will not be able to travel and enjoy life, due to unavailability to afford it.
However, even if a man is taking some time off to enjoy life and spend some of his money, I would still be curious as to what his ambition in life is. You can only take that much time off, unless you had won millions and millions. I don't care that much for how much money a man has, but rather what is his inspirations and ambitions in life, what are his goals?

I do think that if someone is unemployed and broke, he needs to first concentrate on getting back on his feet, instead off dating.
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,392,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I think women know the difference between someone who is taking time off from working due to having some money saved and someone who is unemployed and broke, simply by viewing their lifestyle. Obviously someone who doesn't have any money will not be able to travel and enjoy life, due to unavailability to afford it.
Of course. I don't mind independently wealthy or early retirees, either.
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:08 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,674 posts, read 22,127,554 times
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There are nuances and shades of gray in the US. Just because a lot of Americans are narrow-minded doesn't mean everyone is.

If a woman were to date a man who was unemployed through no fault of his own, he'd have plenty of time to do fun things with her, even if he had no money to spend. If he was wealthy and rethinking his life, then so much the better, as long as he wasn't a complete wastrel.

Long term relationships lean more on who the person is than on how much the person earns.
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:46 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 7,824,276 times
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Why are you so worried about what someone thinks of you? As long as you know what you are doing and why, who cares what others think?

It's the choice of a woman to decide if she wants to date you based on what you've told her your ambitions/goals are. To some it won't matter, to some it will but you have to be ok with what you are doing whether it's acquiring wealth and taking time off or just being a lazy bum.

The bigger question would be does money (or the lack of it) define who you are?
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Old 12-19-2010, 05:08 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,486 posts, read 6,849,503 times
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Aside from the advertising exec, the rest of the guys seemed to have one-time, SMALL windfalls (anything short of 2 million is fairly small since you cannot retire on that money) that are not indicative of their continued abilities for success. For example, it is unlikely that the trivia master is going to go on another episode of WWTBAM and win 1M anytime soon. I would probably see them both as underskilled or underemployed. Furthermore, their desire for travel / side jobs show lack of focus, which to me suggests too much instability for marriage material. However, dating might be fine.

The ad exec has proven his ability to make money by use of his own skills so he is entitled to take time off, doing whatever endeavors make him happy.

The wall street people I just have no respect for. I don't like people who play with stocks for a living because to me, that is not a real product and does not help society. They could earn 10M a year and I would never respect them, though I might be tempted to marry and divorce them and take half of everything they make, then donate it to charity, muahaha. For all the commissions they made, somebody must have lost a portion of their life savings. Bad juju. There was a taxicab driver who used to be an investment banker. He kept talking about the good old days and saying that he is going to make a comeback. Then he kept asking us what we did for a living, as if to compare. Like.... man, we do not want to hear your life story!!! All of us in the cab were too embarrassed to say what we did for a living because we didn't want him to feel bad. So he kept asking until we got out of the car. Ugh.

With your personal situation. I wouldn't lump you with the unemployed since you have a choice to go back into employment anytime. But your travel plans? How does that fit in with your ability to have a relationship? That would be my main concern.
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Old 12-19-2010, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
4,276 posts, read 7,042,889 times
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If you are unemployed and trying your hardest to find a job and showing it, no one should have a problem with that. Anyone who does just shows that they are shallow and only looking for money, not love. But I do agree with the other poster that you shouldn't try to look for love while looking for a job. It would just be too stressful.
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Old 12-19-2010, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
10,778 posts, read 14,947,900 times
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I think that most women would be receptive to a guy who was/is successful, saved up a few hundred grand, and then took time off to volunteer, travel, go back to school, etc. Hell, they may even find it more attractive to know that he's the sort of person who has the skills and drive to make so much money; the responsibility to save most of it; the social responsibility to spend time volunteering; the self-awareness to know he needed to take time off for introspection and personal growth; etc.

Big difference between "I sold my share of the business I started, went to Vietnam to learn about Buddhism for six months, and now am back here doing youth outreach in the inner city to teach kids the fundamentals of business" and "I got fired from the Taco Bell on the Westside, so I'm hoping that if I just wait six months, my old manager will quit and I can go work at the one on the Eastside without them having any way of finding out that I kept showing up a half hour late for my shift."
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Old 12-19-2010, 05:54 PM
 
3,770 posts, read 6,109,998 times
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It's fine. Sounds like a question I would ask. You need to give them the whole picture, not just say "I'm unemployed". Say what you have been doing for the last 5-10 year work wise, and what you're doing now (traveling, learning) and where you will be headed. It's a far cry from saying you've been living in your parents basement collecting unemployment for the last year.
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Old 12-20-2010, 01:55 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,017,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I think women know the difference between someone who is taking time off from working due to having some money saved and someone who is unemployed and broke, simply by viewing their lifestyle. Obviously someone who doesn't have any money will not be able to travel and enjoy life, due to unavailability to afford it.
However, even if a man is taking some time off to enjoy life and spend some of his money, I would still be curious as to what his ambition in life is. You can only take that much time off, unless you had won millions and millions. I don't care that much for how much money a man has, but rather what is his inspirations and ambitions in life, what are his goals?

I do think that if someone is unemployed and broke, he needs to first concentrate on getting back on his feet, instead off dating.

Thanks, the timiliness of this was dead on and I needed it. I usually don't read the money things cuz I don't care about it; but maybe I need to start when it plays into ambitions,goals and such.
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