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I have heard many different parodies of the 12 days of Christmas and even the original song can be a painful reminder of the holidays but this little parody, written by Bob Rivers, truly illustrates the “Pains of Christmas”
The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I’m tryin’ to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean “YOUR in-laws”?!?
Five months of bills!
Ach, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The tenth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN’!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eleventh thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She’s a witch…I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don’t even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who’s got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight…I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree
The twelfth thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make ‘em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I’m not sendin’ them this year, that’s it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU’RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
I have heard many different parodies of the 12 days of Christmas and even the original song can be a painful reminder of the holidays but this little parody, written by Bob Rivers, truly illustrates the “Pains of Christmas”
The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I’m tryin’ to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean “YOUR in-laws”?!?
Five months of bills!
Ach, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The tenth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN’!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eleventh thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She’s a witch…I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don’t even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who’s got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight…I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree
The twelfth thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make ‘em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I’m not sendin’ them this year, that’s it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU’RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
I have heard many different parodies of the 12 days of Christmas and even the original song can be a painful reminder of the holidays but this little parody, written by Bob Rivers, truly illustrates the “Pains of Christmas”
The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I’m tryin’ to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean “YOUR in-laws”?!?
Five months of bills!
Ach, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The tenth thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN’!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eleventh thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She’s a witch…I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don’t even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who’s got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight…I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree
The twelfth thing of Christmas that’s such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
“Batteries Not Included”
No parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make ‘em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I’m not sendin’ them this year, that’s it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU’RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree
Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.
http://www.newseum.org/images/spacer.gif (broken link) http://www.newseum.org/images/spacer.gif (broken link)This is my take on what it would look like today...
I am 8 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
Papa says, 'If you see it on C-D Relationships it's so.'
Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O'Hanlon
115 W. 95th St.
First off, how'd you get on this board? 13 and over, Missy! We have your IP address and our attorneys will be contacting you shortly for breach of contract and knowingly falsifying statements.
But until then...
VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see on Facebook and YouTube. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds, or edited as fact in Wikipedia. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or women's or children's, are little.
Some are littler than others, of course...
But in this great universe of ours Man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Like Google - that's one bitchin' smart site, huh?
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion are displayed on C-D, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy (as long as the guy makes enough money to "keep you comfortable"). Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no "Sierra & Phil Show"! There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance or dirty innuendos to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. Of course, that works just fine in a strip-club, but I don't really think you're old enough to realize that yet. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished faster than our Mods can delete your multi-page relationship rant.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! (And if you've ever hung out in Greenwich Village or SF, you KNOW they exist). You might get your papa to hire heavily-armed men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to apprehend, try and execute Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? That Poppa stupidly hired blind mercenaries!
Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus; it's like virgins giving sex advice in this forum - it's a massive FUBAR. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? (I did, back in the day, but that's another story you're not ready for - *sigh*). Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world, except of course for SifuPhil - he's done it all AND got the T-shirt.
You may tear apart the baby and see what makes the noise inside , but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived (most of whom visit C-D regularly), could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, and hot monkey sex can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding except for my ex's- monthly alimony payments. And my Vette, but that's leased.
No Santa Claus! Thank G*d he lives, and he lives forever. Like Beatlemania. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Of course, he'll be a nasty collection of surgeries and cloning experiments gone horribly wrong, but hey, what the hell do you want from ME? I'm just a hack writer on a not-so-great metropolitan newspaper. Get a life, kid! Why don't you go out and hang with your buds at the mall? Get that new DMo single, toke it up and yeah, you'll see flying fat men handing out freebies all right!
Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.
This is my take on what it would look like today...
LMAO!!! I'd pass that along to my family, too, but... I don't think they'd get it.
On the first day of Christmas CD relationships gave me a troll thread under my tree.
On the second day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the third day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 3 crazy posters,
4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree
On the fifth day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree
on the sixth day Christmas CD relationships gave to me of 6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the 7th dayChristmas CD relationships gave to me 7 balding men,6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the 8th day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 8 polyamorous couples, 7 balding men,6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 9 atheists,8 polyamorous couples, 7 balding men,6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 10 divorced women,9 atheists,8 polyamorous couples, 7 balding men,6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas CD relationships gave to me 11 CD addicts,10 divorced women,9 atheists,8 polyamorous couples, 7 balding men,6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
On the twelth day of Christmas CD reolationships gave to me 12 gender bashers, 11 CD addicts,10 divorced women,9 atheists,8 polyamorous couples, 7 balding men,6 shallow people, 5 judgmental aholes, 4 misogynist threads, 3 crazy posters, 2 negative rep comments and a troll thread under my tree.
Hahahaha!
I just laughed so hard right now that I was having trouble breathing and my son asked me if I was ok! Good job!
LMAO!!! I'd pass that along to my family, too, but... I don't think they'd get it.
LOL - that's OK - not many would.
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We have your IP address and our attorneys will be contacting you shortly for breach of contract and knowingly falsifying statements.
He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion are displayed on C-D, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy (as long as the guy makes enough money to "keep you comfortable"). Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no "Sierra & Phil Show"! There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance or dirty innuendos to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. Of course, that works just fine in a strip-club, but I don't really think you're old enough to realize that yet. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished faster than our Mods can delete your multi-page relationship rant.
, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived (most of whom visit C-D regularly), could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, and hot monkey sex can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding except for my ex's- monthly alimony payments. And my Vette, but that's leased. 
