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My simple advise to you would be to not 'hang out' in those place by yourself. Try to find yourself some white female friends, and be around them a lot. Do various things with them... Also, going to places with only white folks might sometimes be intimidating. Maybe you might consider going places, where there is a lot of interracial couples/pairing. Also, have you tried meetup? Plenty of groups there based mostly on common interest. You might want to consider that as well.
I am a black woman who is interested in and open to dating outside my race in the DC area. However, I am never approached by men that aren't black. How can I come off as a little more approachable to non-black men?
All of my boyfriends have been black, but I have yet to meet a black man in this area worth my time and I am expanding my options. I do not need a lecture about that, fyi. I also do not spend all of my time in places or participate in activities that only cater to black people.
You said, non-black. Not "white" guys. Okay. Since we are homies. I suggest you go where the non-blacks guys hang. It doesn't matter, which race of men you're referring to. It's several diverse areas here.
I've been approached several times. More times, than not, they think we don't want to talk. Put yourself out there. I'll DM you an article I was reading on this subject.
Not all non-black men desire thin women. Some want a woman thick, thin, or otherwise. Stay as you are.
Non-Black, Shoot just go out and I am sure someone will hit on you. Don't have that "angry black woman mean mug on your face either". (I'm a sista btw). I used to get hit on by white guys and even the latinos check me out cause I'm a plus sized curvy woman.
You could always go for the Traci Bingham look. Ultra weave, skin bleach and huge boobie implants. A lot of men like that.
I've been looking for the non-Black men attracted to me, too. They just don't bite in D.C. It could be because I wear my hair in natural styles, and many times in a traditional African headwrap with kinky coily curls popping out. They just don't seem to dig my Blackness, at least not the ones I've met in the area who display no attraction whatsoever. But I've never been willing to second-guess my physical appeal and get a weave or a perm or an ass-and-thigh suction or any of that silliness to alter myself for them.
The point being that there are physical things about us that are genetic and just will not change, and most non-Blacks will simply not be attracted to because it's not familiar to what they're used to seeing in their own racial group. Wide noses, thick lips, big legs, wide hips, thick coily locks -- these are things inherent in most Black women that many (not all) non-Blacks will just never be attracted to. There is a big epidemic in the Black female demographic where many believe they are ugly or less attractive than non-Black females, and this mentality is contributing to the whole question of "Am I good enough to attract a white man (because usually non-Black refers to white), am I too Black," and it is devastating to see.
I wouldn't suggest changing anything already inherent in you for a non-Black man. Just keep doing your thing, and if one bites, you won't have to worry about compromising your identity.
Go to a Capitols game...hang out near the beer stand, as soon as you see something you like--walk up, slap him in the &$$ and tell him to take you to Denny's or Applebee's after the game. : )
Good luck!
Last edited by IDASpaceman; 12-27-2010 at 07:28 PM..
I've been looking for the non-Black men attracted to me, too. They just don't bite in D.C. It could be because I wear my hair in natural styles, and many times in a traditional African headwrap with kinky coily curls popping out. They just don't seem to dig my Blackness, at least not the ones I've met in the area who display no attraction whatsoever. But I've never been willing to second-guess my physical appeal and get a weave or a perm or an ass-and-thigh suction or any of that silliness to alter myself for them.
The point being that there are physical things about us that are genetic and just will not change, and most non-Blacks will simply not be attracted to because it's not familiar to what they're used to seeing in their own racial group. Wide noses, thick lips, big legs, wide hips, thick coily locks -- these are things inherent in most Black women that many (not all) non-Blacks will just never be attracted to. There is a big epidemic in the Black female demographic where many believe they are ugly or less attractive than non-Black females, and this mentality is contributing to the whole question of "Am I good enough to attract a white man (because usually non-Black refers to white), am I too Black," and it is devastating to see.
I wouldn't suggest changing anything already inherent in you for a non-Black man. Just keep doing your thing, and if one bites, you won't have to worry about compromising your identity.
Great post, and brutally honest too. IDK, I think to some degree, your right. I think people are used to looking at someone that looks like them.
I don't mean this in a bad way, I think it's just people's comfort zone. I have seen many very beautiful black women, and no not all were Alicia Keys, good lord that woman is beautiful, btw. I've seen women that had all of the "typical" black traits and found them very beautiful. I saw their spirit shine through as well as their physical beauty.
IDK, I think black women also seem to be incredibly loyal to their men, IDK, if that is just some outdated stereotype or not.
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