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A lot of my friends felt pressure to get married. Some from their families and some even from themselves. So it's no surprise to me that many of their marriages ended in divorce. They set a deadline for themselves like the big 30 or 40. They let their parents go on and on about wanting grandchildren. Or maybe they got pregnant and decided they needed to get married for the sake of the child. In fact, I just read that Natalie Portman is engaged and pregnant, which makes you wonder if that's the reason she's engaged.
It just strikes me as a little strange that we live in a culture that celebrates marriage and puts a lot of pressure on people to marry. And yet, so many of us can't make marriage work. The decision to marry someone is probably one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in life, which is why I don't see why some people rush it. So what if you're going to turn 30? If you're 31 and still single, does that make you a failure? And so what if your parents want grandkids? Sure it'll make them happy, but they're not the ones who have to raise those kids or deal with the other parent. And suppose you get pregnant? Should that be a reason to get married? And don't think the kid won't realize what happened. Considering how many marriages end, maybe waiting isn't such a bad thing.
A lot of my friends felt pressure to get married. Some from their families and some even from themselves. So it's no surprise to me that many of their marriages ended in divorce. They set a deadline for themselves like the big 30 or 40. They let their parents go on and on about wanting grandchildren. Or maybe they got pregnant and decided they needed to get married for the sake of the child. In fact, I just read that Natalie Portman is engaged and pregnant, which makes you wonder if that's the reason she's engaged.
It just strikes me as a little strange that we live in a culture that celebrates marriage and puts a lot of pressure on people to marry. And yet, so many of us can't make marriage work. The decision to marry someone is probably one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in life, which is why I don't see why some people rush it. So what if you're going to turn 30? If you're 31 and still single, does that make you a failure? And so what if your parents want grandkids? Sure it'll make them happy, but they're not the ones who have to raise those kids or deal with the other parent. And suppose you get pregnant? Should that be a reason to get married? And don't think the kid won't realize what happened. Considering how many marriages end, maybe waiting isn't such a bad thing.
Pressure to get married is everywhere. Luckily it's not so in my life as I've got bigger problems to deal with right now, but that doesn't stop the occasional "have you tried Internet dating?" "wouldn't it be nice just to have somebody," type of questions. That's about it.
America's high divorce rate is proof that this attitude is not healthy. But I'm sure it's saddled around the attitude of having your big days (wedding day, having a child, anniversaries, etc.) and when it comes to talking problems out and/or coming to an agreement, some people can't do it. So they might assume the person is not a good fit based only on that, and go have another big wedding day with someone else. Not all people, but you know...
And with economic times being the way they are, more people are sharing households. Ha, there are already so many people that can't handle being alone I can just imagine how worse it will be in the future. Our society just scorns living alone and being alone. That's why it can be hard. If someone has the capacity to live their own life and wants to, they should do it! Because it's not easy. Waiting for the right person is a good move.
BTW I know people pressure their kids to have kids and I feel bad. That's just stupid. People should have kids when they're ready. But that doesn't stop people from pressuring their kids. I'll bet all the people raising grandkids who DID pressure their kids to have kids, are regretting it now.
Ive seen it allot from women the pressure they get from reachign a certain age and not being married and having kids the pressure can be relentless[god forbid theyre late 20's or 30's and single] and they feel that so they end up marrying somebody just because theyve been going out awhile and they really want kids and they seem to love the idea of marriage more then the actual guy they end up marrying and the divorce is inevitable...
Plus allot of them are obsessed with the actual "weeding day" since theyve been little and they want to exepreince that come hell or high water..
As a Man who just hit 30 most of my friends are married and i do get asked why im not even in a realtionship and if i want a family, its annoying as hell at times but its not nearly as intense as the pressure women get..
The thign that annoys me the most isnt the questions but the atttiude that being married is the only way to be happy and if youre single you must be leading a miserable life..
I agree that getting married is the biggest and most important decision of one's life. Your emotional and financial well being can be determined by that decision. To succumb to the pressures of outside influences that will determine your personal well-being is asinine.
And I totally agree with you that the expectation of marriage is probably the reason for the high divorce rate.
We are thirty and thirty-three. We have been living together since we were twenty-seven and thirty. We plan to one day get married, but on our own time frame. We are happy with our arrangement, and don't really care what anybody else thinks about it. I don't imagine anybody thinks very much about it at all, actually, and why should they?
Don't know about pressure to get married, but for women the pressure to have kids can be crazy. And not just by their family and friends. The stats show that the chances for birth defects start really climbing once a woman hits her mid thirties. That has to be a lot of internal pressure.
The great irony is that those who buckle to societal and familial pressure to marry are the most ill-equipped to actually do so.
If you can't stand on your own two feet and live life on your terms, there's no way you are mature enough to enter into a lifelong partnership.
I say this ALL the time. You get a rep point from me, just so you know.
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Our society just scorns living alone and being alone. That's why it can be hard. If someone has the capacity to live their own life and wants to, they should do it! Because it's not easy. Waiting for the right person is a good move.
