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My boyfriend's female friends are the type of women who tell you what you want to hear, prob because (and I'm guessing here), they think that's the nice and polite thing to do.
Like, if one of the female friends break up with their boyfriend and ask the other women in the group, "Do you think we'll get back together?" the female friends will say yes and tell her whatever she wants to hear. Meanwhile, they'll be gossiping to each other behind her back, "Why don't they just break up already?"
So anyway, I try to stay out of those convos, but eventually you get dragged in.
One of the girls broke up with her boyfriend and was crying about it. She said, "I think he hates me! He really hates me!". And *I* said, trying to be tactful and honest, "I don't think he hates you, but I think he's embarrassed of you sometimes" because he's always rolling his eyes at her behind her back and apologizing for her.
She demanded me to give an example and when put on the spot, I couldn't, but even our male friends noticed this behavior in her bf. I was only telling her that so that she wouldn't think he "hated" her, but rather was embarrassed by her and therefore they seemed incompatible IMO and prob wouldn't work out in the long run.
She got really mad and stormed out of the room, got in her car and went home. Now she won't talk to me and is complaining that I'm "insensitive" when I was the ONLY person who was willing to tell her the things people say about her behind her back.
So anyway, it's created this weird tension where my bf and I were invited to a birthday party last minute and were only invited because the other girl couldn't make it. I really would like to tell this girl to F off and even my bf thinks she's being ridiculous, but I don't want to cause any tension among him and his friends.
Is there anything I can do to mend things? I'm really at a loss here, because I sincerely don't believe I did anything wrong. I may have hurt her feelings, and I feel bad about that, but I was only being honest with her and I think she should see past her hurt feelings to how I was just trying to help her. Also, I don't want to cause drama between my bf and his friends.
Like, we've been invited to New Year's with them, and the girl in question won't be there, but I honestly don't want to go. I just don't feel like I have anything in common with his female friends and feel awkward and uncomfortable there.
This sounds like alot of drama. You both need to stay away from her for awhile, until she has time to think about what really happened.
Sometimes,people just don`t want to see the truth, and its great when true friends can step up, and tell them what is happening...
I guess the crux of the whole thing is that ALL the women are like that in this group. So, I'm seen as the "mean" girl or the socially "inept" girl who "doesn't know how to handle" a situation like the one I described, while I think they're all acting like they're in the fourth grade.
I hate to say that about them, but I don't think I'll ever fit in with them and it bothers me bc I've been with my bf for almost 5 years and I'm def not going anywhere and neither are they, so we're stuck with each other.
I may have hurt her feelings, and I feel bad about that, but I was only being honest with her and I think she should see past her hurt feelings to how I was just trying to help her.
IMO, you didn't hurt her feelings. Sometimes the truth hurts and it's up to the person and how they respond to the situation. If I was her, I would have said THANKS. You're the only one who told me the truth. Walks away. People respond differently...
Like yankeegirl313 said, stay away from her for awhile...Some people react without thinking I guess.
So what do you ladies think I should do about New Year's? She won't be there, but I really don't enjoy hanging out with his female friends (they're all married to his male friends). I feel like I can't be myself around them and it's just a huge time-suck. A waste of time.
But at the same time, I know how we spend New Year's isn't just about *me* and what I want, so I don't want to be difficult or uncompromising.
Nobody really wants to hear the truth about why they got dumped.
I think you probably should have kept your mouth shut if you don't really care to get dragged into their drama! You might have to do some damage control out of respect for your bf and this unfortunate social circle....
Sounds like this has potential to stir up a whole mess of trouble, considering the types of people you're dealing with. They are not strong people, and sometimes they just can't handle the realness!
So often I just keep a muzzle on it, but it sucks. It's no fun when you can't just be who you are, OR you have to second guess everything you say OR you have to be super-careful about everything you say. I don't mean to sound whiny, I've just been frustrated about this situation for a very long time. The *one time* I let myself be myself, I get so much crap for it, and I didn't really even do anything wrong, imo.
Yeah, you could try to explain to her, why you told her that..but that would be up to you. Is it worth it? She needs to take a good hard look around herself....hello....
I did try to explain it to her via text. (Prob not the best medium to go through in hindsight). She basically said that I was "insensitive" and "when a person is hurting, you shouldn't tell them things that hurt them more". She said it a lot more angrily but that was the gist of it. I responded with something like, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but I was just being honest with you" and she said I was really "pissing her off" and didn't respond after that.
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