Families who don't reciprocate (younger, kids, friends, conversation)

[LuckyGem]

Originally Posted by Djuna

One of my daughters lives in Australia, the other in New Zealand. I asked them what they wanted for xmas, money or a gift up to $200. One took the money, the other a gift.

I sent my Mum and siblings photos in frames that I had taken last year, and my niece and nephews got gifts. The big box of presents arrived 2 weeks before xmas.

Not one of them sent me anything, which is fine, I don't expect presents, but not even a card. No xmas card, no thank you card from anyone.

My SO is furious at what he calls blatant disrespect on behalf of my family.

Is he right to be angry?

Would any of you expect more than an email saying thank you?

Seems that some people will only accept a gift, if they can reciprocate with a gift which totally ruins the concept of gift giving at Christmas, as does expecting a gift in return for offering a gift.

I love giving gifts to family members at Christmas, I like to give the type of gifts that I would want to receive but selected with them in mind.

Seldom do I receive a gift of the same caliber that I give with the exception of my husband and mother, and sometimes I don't receive any gift in return at all.

This year I purchased gifts for 3 relatives who refused to accept them.

My Mother had a conversation with my Aunt (her sister-in-law) in early December that she didn't plan on exchanging gifts this year and my Aunt assumed that meant that I wasn't giving any gifts either. Well, chaos ensued on Christmas Day when I had gifts for them and they (Aunt and 2 cousins) flat out refused to accept them, and also wanted to argue about not wanting the gift at all. The way I saw it, the conversation my Aunt had with my Mother didn't include me so why wouldn't she accept my gifts, she just assumed I was not giving a gift because my Mother wasn't.

I don't think you should give a gift expecting a gift in return.

I also don't think someone should flat out refuse to accept a gift because they don't have a gift to offer in return.

[crisan]

Yeah, I would be upset because I would feel like I did not please them. If they were pleased, they would have confirmed it some way. Did they at least call an email wouldn't be enough.

ETA: Now that I think about it, I didn't call my brother but that's because he never answers his phone. I sent him a message on facebook.

[miyu]

Originally Posted by LuckyGem

I also don't think someone should flat out refuse to accept a gift because they don't have a gift to offer in return.

The alternative is to force them to accept the gift... which I think is equally rude. I think they've made their intentions clear that they won't be exchanging gifts so although the message got lost somewhere along the grapevine they have to stick to their resolution.

Just have to respect the fact that some people have no desire to spend $ on gifts and would feel pressured to reciprocate.

[Djuna]

I didn't expect anything in return. I sent gifts because I wanted to show my family I was thinking about them despite being half way across the world.

They all thanked me, except one sister who didn't even bother sending an email.

My husband felt they all should have at least sent a card, either a xmas card or a thank you card.

I kind of feel as if my family has no manners.

[crisan]

Originally Posted by Djuna

I didn't expect anything in return. I sent gifts because I wanted to show my family I was thinking about them despite being half way across the world.

They all thanked me, except one sister who didn't even bother sending an email.

My husband felt they all should have at least sent a card, either a xmas card or a thank you card.

I kind of feel as if my family has no manners.

That may be so but wouldn't you have known about this beforehand?

[bouncethelight]

Originally Posted by Djuna

Would any of you expect more than an email saying thank you?

Email is the new mail. It's been that way for over a decade. So yeah, if you got an email thanking you, isn't that enough?

Expecting a written thank you note, when most people don't write letters anymore, will almost certainly lead to disappointment.

[JustJulia]

Djuna, I promise to send you thank-you notes lovingly handwritten on real stationery. I am registered at Williams-Sonoma and Amazon.com.

I think at the very least you should have gotten a call with verbal thanks.

[TabulaRasa]

We live far from our other family members, and trade off being with immediate family on either side, so there are years where we each don't see our family at the holidays. We tend to not to gifts with most of our relatives on years that we're not with them, and I just plain and simple don't do cards at all...for anybody. I do call the people I can't be with, though. Just not big on gift-shipping.

[Ulysses61]

This is a no brainer. If you send a child a check for $200 and they don't thank you, never send them a gift again. Period.

What's so complicated about that? You're not beholden to them and you're not obligated to give your grown children anything for holidays or B-days, especially when they give you nothing.

[Coolhand68]

I think we've gotten so accustomed to emails, texts, and facebook, people have forgotten how to actually write a letter or card. Too much effort to purchase the card, sign it, and put it in the mail. Not sure if that's the case with your family, but it could be part of the problem. Even still, there's no excuse for poor manners.

I woudn't be furious over the matter, perhaps a little disappointed. Perhaps you should send them a "You're Welcome" card, see if they "get it".