Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Dump him now.The longer you wait the more it will hurt. Sounds like you are his backup. He gets to play and do what he wants, knowing that you will still be there. I know several guys that do this. It never works out pretty for the person in your situation. Just be thankful that you dont have a kid with him.
Then resolve to never, ever, EVER say ridiculous things like "I hate you" or "Go to hell" to anyone else again. You'll never attract a good partner until you do some growing up yourself.
Hello, thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy thing and respond. I am going to try to write this in an unbiased way.
My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months. We have been long distance for 4. There have been a couple of times where I have been uncomfortable with the closeness of his friendships with other women (seeing a girl from school every day, or a picture posted on facebook of him holding hands with a friend's girlfriend at burningman).
Recently, his former roommate and friend of 15 years moved back into the country after a year abroad. I got along with her at first and I saw that they got along really really well. I was not uncomfortable with their friendship, but I did tell him that if they had friendly slumber parties I would be really uncomfortable. We talked about it, and he divulged that when they did sleep somewhere together they slept in the same bed if there was one bed. He didn't see why it made sense for one of them to sleep on the floor if there was a bed (even a twin) that they could share. This made me really angry and he agreed not to share the bed with her.
Regarding the above bolded section: Yes you obviously are uncomfortable because you are saying it in so many words, you are talking about how mad you got at the attention he's giving another woman, just be honest. You're peeved and you have a reason to be, sort of.
A month later, he is visiting for the holidays. I have to work and he texts me one day asking for some lift tickets because I get them free from work (yay!). I told him no, I won't give him lift tickets because he didn't invite me or tell me he was going. We talked on the phone and he said he was going for three days, two nights, with his former roommate and a mutual guy friend. Later I found out the mutual guy friend decided not to go. So it was just my boyfriend and the girl I asked him not to have slumber parties with in a cabin for three days. They snowboarded for one day and spent most of their time in the cabin kickin' it. We talked on the phone both nights he was gone.
I was really upset that he went with her, and he said "should we really cancel the trip just because we don't have a chaperone? I don't think I should need a chaperone to spend time with my friend." He thinks it is about the risk of them having sex. I am not afraid of them having sex. I am upset because he chooses time with her over not hurting my feelings, and becomes inconsiderate of me when she enters the logistics.
He does not feel like he did anything wrong by going with her, and seems to have totally forgotten our conversation about slumber parties. He thinks not sharing a bed is enough and feels like I am asking him to cut her out of his life.
He doesn't feel he did anything wrong because men don't understand why we women get mad at them when they are in a relationship but friendly with other women. They just don't get it so for you to say he didn't feel he did anything wrong, he's probably being honest.
Are you guys European? Just curious, from the writing style and the way you're posing your questions and statements. The reason I ask is because different countries have different cultures and views on relationships / friendships with men and women. Like for example, old friends of mine were from Brazil, two men (not gay) but if they would sleep over somewhere and there was only one bed, it was not weird for them to share a bed. Ya know?
After their solo trip, we all went on a trip together. Me, my boyfriend, his female friend and another guy friend. I tried to have fun, but I was still mad at my boyfriend for going with her before; only 2 days had passed. I was also upset when I learned how much his friend disrespects her boyfriend's feelings about how close she is with other men. Her boyfriend also was upset about her going on a trip alone with another man and she spent a lot of time skyping him. When they signed off she would vent to my boyfriend about how her boyfriend needs to "accept reality" and how he is like a baby and she has to "hold his hand." She and my boyfriend get along really well and it is like no one else is in the room when the two of them interact - my boyfriend says it's not like that and that nothing would ever happen between them.
I am not worried that something would ever happen between them. I am angry that he prioritizes his friendship with her over our relationship. He says he will reconsider his friendships with other women, but he will not say that he will not have overnight trips with this one alone. That is all I am asking. I do not want him to be unhappy and cut his friends out of his life.
You obviously ARE worried because it's all throughout your posting. The best thing you can do is to calmly talk to your b/f and get some clear answers. Don't assume he knows what you are talking about. You have to ask very clear questions and you have to make sure you're both on the same page with your expectations with your relationship.
If you don't communicate with him, you will constantly be worried about something that may or may not happen.
I have said hurtful things to him about this, "I hate you" "Go to hell". It's not okay, and he is having a hard time at school so I don't like to burden him if it's unnecessary. I have told him that this is a deal breaker for me, that I would rather be single than feel hurt like this. He says it feels like I am asking him to cut his friend out of his life. I don't understand why their friendship depends so much on spending nights alone somewhere far away.
One of my favorite things about my boyfriend is how well he gets along with women. I do not want him to cut women out of his life, or to jeopardize his long-term friendships. But I do not want to cry myself to sleep again because he is doing something with another woman that I would never do with another man. I feel it is very inappropriate for people in relationships to go on vacations alone with people of the opposite sex.
You can't get angry with the guy if he has a way with the ladies. If you like his personality because he's so good with women, then that's something you were aware of and signed up for when you met him and agreed to a relationship. You just can't have it both ways.
Please give me some advice.
Sit your b/f down and have a talk with him, tell him your concerns, ask him serious and point blank questions and make sure both of you understand your role in the relationship and what each others expectations are. Good luck.
Until a man is married he is single. There is no in between. Despite the fact that we would like to believe that being a boyfriend or even "in a committed relationship" or being "exclusive" changes that. It does not. Until he is married he is single. Therefore, he has all the rights that a single man has and that includes seeing or being with any person he wishes of the opposite sex.
If his behavior makes you uncomfortable then you have two choices. Marry him or find another boyfriend. Your current station does not give you the right to make any commentary whatsoever upon how he lives his life. Sorry but this is the truth. The fact of the matter is that at any moment in time you are mere seconds away from NOT being his girlfriend. All he has to do is say "See ya" and you are simply a memory.
20yrsinBranson
Wow, i've seen some screwed up point of views and bad advice before, but this takes the cake. You sound like a cheater rationalizing your behavior and trying to get others on board with your type of skewed thinking. Goodluck with that.
you have to protect your other half from the appearance of impropriety. To leave someone else guessing as to what is really going on is improper.
To look at your other half and say "yeah, i know what i'm doing looks really, really bad. But your going to have to trust me because i say so." shows no caring.
One of my favorite things about my boyfriend is how well he gets along with women..
This trait is a double edged sword, zadrozny. Trust me on this! His friendliness and ability to love a lot of friends including women is not going to fade away. So if you truly accept it, then move forward. If these issues such as you have described feel uncomfortable to you, you will have to reevaluate your relationship. One thing I have learned is that people show you who they are right away, so believe them, in particular their actions, and don't keep waiting and hoping that he will someday see things as you do. He either sees things as you do or he doesn't.
No man should even entertain the thought of going away on a trip with another woman excluding his spouse or girlfriend. This includes trips alone or with a "group of friends." I am dealing with this now...my 40 something boyfriend was invited to go on a ski trip (without me) by one of our mutual male "friends" whose name is Dick. The problem is, it is with Dick and his 3 single nieces, one of whom is actively looking for a boyfriend, and she's in her mid 20's! The thing bothering me is, he knows these women, has gone on ski trips before (when we were not dating) and I think our friend Dick is trying to get them together as she is always asking about him and I really think she likes him. I'm mid 40's as well, and cannot compete with a young blonde, blue eyed woman who is far more athletic than me, and my boyfriend holds athleticism in high regard. I am trying to learn snowboarding, but am nowhere near the level of these people and am perfectly happy on the bunny slope by myself. I feel very hurt and betrayed by this and can completely understand where you are coming from. If you are in a monogamous relationship, actions like this are unacceptable. An attractive man alone in a ski house for a weekend with a desparate 25 year old would be trouble.
Let me get this straight...he was at burning man...holding hands with another woman? LOL.
Question: Are you serious?
This didn't get me , but Im easy like the op , disaster my last relationship was. Anyways , heck no HE*L NO about the rest of this , he seems to prioritize time with this female friend including sleepovers!?! WTF did I read that right? I think he wants her or someone else op (like if he meets someone new) Not you , sorry
Which is dumb really...you should never bend to a mate because they have insecurity issues .
Paganmama- its obvious to me he wants this "friend" of his! She is saying no , otherwise he'd ditch the op in a heartbeat. This id SO disrespectful. Op , please return and tell us you dumped this creep!
No you shouldn't. If they can't work out those issue themselves then they aren't worth time wasting with. I'm not going to not hang out with guy friends because my *bf* has a problem with it. If he can't trust me then that's his egg to swallow and basically not my problem. I have seen too many girls and guys ruin really good friendships because they bent to their mate and when things didn't work out those relationships were not salvageable.
This is different. Your guy friends should step back. And women say yes or no , men will usually take what they can get.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
LOL
Definitely NOT appropriate!
