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I talked about this on here before: I dated this guy for 2 years and he moved to somewhere else to pursue his "dreams job'. It was by no means a perfect relationship. He was actually cheating on his ex-gf when he was messing around with me, I entered into a relationship with him although I later found out I didn't trust him because of what he did to his ex.
We had several breakups: first time it happened, he got back with me and then during the next week he took out another girl on a date. The second time after we had a breakup, he continued to talk to me like normal and hae me slept over at his place, then during the same week on the weekend, i found another woman in his bed when i went to grab my stuff. We had a big physical fight that night, he kept saying "I told you we are broken up, Im now doing what Im pleased to." I was shocked because he kept calling me, slept with me, called me "honey" after he sent me the "breakup" email.
He later showed up in front of my house and begged me to get back with him. I did. He told me how much he's changed, and how nice he'll treat me. I believed him.
Then I sorta had a financial crisis for a short period of time, he moved me in to his place and he started to pay all the living expenses. But he still continued to threaten me everyday and tell me I shouldn't do XYZ, otherwise he'll break up with me. But he said he wasn't ready to get married, not in the next 5 years at least. I talked to people, and I finally made my decision to break up with him.
Surprisingly, he called me back and said "let's get married when I return next year. Let's get married before the end of 2011". He then talked about how lovely he thinks I am, he said he's seen different women and how dumb they are, he said he's very impressed with my dedication and my intelligence, etc etc, and I'm the one and only he wants in his life.
So i believed him, again. But communication has always been a problem. He never calls me or talks to me online unless I calls him and ask him to get online. He kept saying he's been busy, but then he said he travelled around with friends etc etc.
I got very fed up with the lack of communication and the carelessness he showed to me over the time, so I started to threaten him that "if he doesnt want to talk to me, I'll go get other men's attention." --that was the only way I could hear from him. Some email with negativity was the only way to get his response.
He then said he wanted to break up with me because he's tired of my threats. Now, he refused to communicate with me. He said it was my fault that i blew up everything. He said he'll come back with lots of money and a changed personality. He said he's now learned how to romance a woman but I'm too stupid to say bad things, and he will only come back to romance other women.
I've been with him when nobody wanted him - his parents killed themselves in 2009, he barely could function. He had no money at the time, and was really messed up. I feel I've invested a lot in this relationship, and now he's telling me he will only come back to "roman other women". I feel hurt, but maybe he won't change as he promised to. I don't know what I should do, just let it go?
You wrote all that out so you had to think about it when you were typing it. do you REALLY need advice on what to do here? <shaking my head> wake up girl, this man is BAD news. He will always BE bad news. Pull your self esteem out of wherever and realize that you can do better. Way better.
Uh, run, run fast. But I doubt you will. Next year, you'll be opening a thread with "My husband is cheating on me, what to do.."
If you don't have any self esteem for yourself, there's nothing any of us can tell you to make you select a better person. Look inside yourself and work on yourself so the next relationship will be with a person that loves and cherishes you as you do him.
And for investing 2 years of your life, that's nothing. So you lost 2 years of your life. All of us somewhere in life loses time. Just learn from those 2 years and never put yourself in that position again.
Sorry but, when you date someone who is committed to someone else, you reap what you sow. That's the best lesson for you to learn from this, no sense in complaining about his actions and character. You knew what you were getting from the start.
Do this ^^ a thousand times. Are you serious? You have spent 2 years of your life threatening or being threatened. That's not love. Is this how you want the rest of your life? What you've had is the best. So if you want to continue threatening or being threatened, having physical fights (I assume you mean domestic violence), being cheated on, breaking up, getting back together, then you definitely should stay together.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ANYTHING WILL CHANGE?
Get some counselling now, before the next physical fight is the last one you're capable of.
I talked about this on here before: I dated this guy for 2 years and he moved to somewhere else to pursue his "dreams job'. It was by no means a perfect relationship. He was actually cheating on his ex-gf when he was messing around with me, I entered into a relationship with him although I later found out I didn't trust him because of what he did to his ex.
We had several breakups: first time it happened, he got back with me and then during the next week he took out another girl on a date. The second time after we had a breakup, he continued to talk to me like normal and hae me slept over at his place, then during the same week on the weekend, i found another woman in his bed when i went to grab my stuff. We had a big physical fight that night, he kept saying "I told you we are broken up, Im now doing what Im pleased to." I was shocked because he kept calling me, slept with me, called me "honey" after he sent me the "breakup" email.
He later showed up in front of my house and begged me to get back with him. I did. He told me how much he's changed, and how nice he'll treat me. I believed him.
Then I sorta had a financial crisis for a short period of time, he moved me in to his place and he started to pay all the living expenses. But he still continued to threaten me everyday and tell me I shouldn't do XYZ, otherwise he'll break up with me. But he said he wasn't ready to get married, not in the next 5 years at least. I talked to people, and I finally made my decision to break up with him.
Surprisingly, he called me back and said "let's get married when I return next year. Let's get married before the end of 2011". He then talked about how lovely he thinks I am, he said he's seen different women and how dumb they are, he said he's very impressed with my dedication and my intelligence, etc etc, and I'm the one and only he wants in his life.
So i believed him, again. But communication has always been a problem. He never calls me or talks to me online unless I calls him and ask him to get online. He kept saying he's been busy, but then he said he travelled around with friends etc etc.
I got very fed up with the lack of communication and the carelessness he showed to me over the time, so I started to threaten him that "if he doesnt want to talk to me, I'll go get other men's attention." --that was the only way I could hear from him. Some email with negativity was the only way to get his response.
He then said he wanted to break up with me because he's tired of my threats. Now, he refused to communicate with me. He said it was my fault that i blew up everything. He said he'll come back with lots of money and a changed personality. He said he's now learned how to romance a woman but I'm too stupid to say bad things, and he will only come back to romance other women.
I've been with him when nobody wanted him - his parents killed themselves in 2009, he barely could function. He had no money at the time, and was really messed up. I feel I've invested a lot in this relationship, and now he's telling me he will only come back to "roman other women". I feel hurt, but maybe he won't change as he promised to. I don't know what I should do, just let it go?
Yes let it go and find a man who you can have a healthy, normal relationship with. This is a toxic scenario and you deserve better.
I talked about this on here before: I dated this guy for 2 years and he moved to somewhere else to pursue his "dreams job'. It was by no means a perfect relationship. He was actually cheating on his ex-gf when he was messing around with me, I entered into a relationship with him although I later found out I didn't trust him because of what he did to his ex.
We had several breakups: first time it happened, he got back with me and then during the next week he took out another girl on a date. The second time after we had a breakup, he continued to talk to me like normal and hae me slept over at his place, then during the same week on the weekend, i found another woman in his bed when i went to grab my stuff. We had a big physical fight that night, he kept saying "I told you we are broken up, Im now doing what Im pleased to." I was shocked because he kept calling me, slept with me, called me "honey" after he sent me the "breakup" email.
He later showed up in front of my house and begged me to get back with him. I did. He told me how much he's changed, and how nice he'll treat me. I believed him.
Then I sorta had a financial crisis for a short period of time, he moved me in to his place and he started to pay all the living expenses. But he still continued to threaten me everyday and tell me I shouldn't do XYZ, otherwise he'll break up with me. But he said he wasn't ready to get married, not in the next 5 years at least. I talked to people, and I finally made my decision to break up with him.
Surprisingly, he called me back and said "let's get married when I return next year. Let's get married before the end of 2011". He then talked about how lovely he thinks I am, he said he's seen different women and how dumb they are, he said he's very impressed with my dedication and my intelligence, etc etc, and I'm the one and only he wants in his life.
So i believed him, again. But communication has always been a problem. He never calls me or talks to me online unless I calls him and ask him to get online. He kept saying he's been busy, but then he said he travelled around with friends etc etc.
I got very fed up with the lack of communication and the carelessness he showed to me over the time, so I started to threaten him that "if he doesnt want to talk to me, I'll go get other men's attention." --that was the only way I could hear from him. Some email with negativity was the only way to get his response.
He then said he wanted to break up with me because he's tired of my threats. Now, he refused to communicate with me. He said it was my fault that i blew up everything. He said he'll come back with lots of money and a changed personality. He said he's now learned how to romance a woman but I'm too stupid to say bad things, and he will only come back to romance other women.
I've been with him when nobody wanted him - his parents killed themselves in 2009, he barely could function. He had no money at the time, and was really messed up. I feel I've invested a lot in this relationship, and now he's telling me he will only come back to "roman other women". I feel hurt, but maybe he won't change as he promised to. I don't know what I should do, just let it go?
Good grief woman. Do you have no self-esteem?
Let's go down the checklist:
1) He's a cheater.
2) He's a controller. Actually, he's a borderline mental abuser.
3) He dangles marriage in front of you, only "Not right now."
4) He neglects you.
Bail. Do it now. This guy is a serious loser. Don't you deserve better than this kind of treatment?
Why is it that people who are treated like total crap can't ever see it?
Even as you write out all the awful things you went through, which yes you had to think about, you still couldn't see that it was a toxic relationship? Don't you have any friends who are in good relationships or family that are in healthy relationships that you can take a look at and realize "wow I do deserve better, I don't have to be a doormat to the person I'm with!" Not to mention it was ONLY 2 years! ONLY 2 YEARS! Sure you think its a long time but its not, so you shouldn't be upset at all. You should be thrilled knowing that you didn't waste anymore time with him and you should take time to get to be single and be confident in who you are before you jump into another possible toxic relationship.
If you don't feel as though you deserve the world than you will never get the world, you will always be treated like a 2nd class citizen with the person you are with. Seriously, take time off from dating and get to know YOU a little better.
should i be sad or happy with the fact that this relationship is over?
You should feel very lucky you got out alive. You should also not enter another relationship until you have had some counseling around your acceptance of abuse issues and become a stronger person.
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