Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've debated posting this a few days but figured I should address it. The question was asked fairly recently about if you knew someone was having an affair, should you let the spouse know. I replied stating that no, you should not let them know, as you do not know the dynamics of their relationship. I believed this for quite a while until a week ago when I received a phone call from a stranger telling me that my spouse was having an affair with a co-worker (his wife). I won't go into all the details, as it has been a long nine days since finding out; but I wanted to state that I changed my mind. I was living in the dark. I was busting my butt working two jobs, going to school full time, and trying to be a mother while all this was going on. Everyone he worked with knew this was happening, but none of them felt the need to tell me. After finding out, I felt like a big joke among the company. I was totally blindsided. My marriage has been a mess for a long time, but I did not suspect a thing. He put his job in jeopardy. It's STILL in jeopardy. He risked our children's livelihood for a few months of flirting and a month of drunk sex. People knew this was happening, and only one person was decent enough to open my eyes to it. One person in all of this looked out for me. I feel I can never repay him. So after stating this information should not be shared if found out, I have changed my mind. I'm glad I know. If I already knew what was going on then hearing it from someone else wasn't going to hurt me, but I didn't know. Now I do so I can make the decisions I need to make to move on with my life. Knowing I was in the dark is not a good feeling. Life right now is very stressful, but I'm so much better off knowing what I know now.
Sorry this has happened in your life.
If there's already an open relationship, there's no big deal in telling.
If there isn't, I think the spouse should know for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the possible transmission of STD's.
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I wish you luck in whatever you deiced to do, regarding your husband. Divorce, Compromise, or trying to work things out.
But if he has been unfaithful, you probably should make an appointment and get testing done. There's no way to know if your husband, and this man's wife have been cheating only with each other. Unless it was said in a text or message that you or the other husband saw.
But it's nice that you are happy to have known, and feel that it has given you equal footing in the relationship, now that you're aware and can make choices around what you know.
Last edited by HappyRain; 02-09-2016 at 06:25 PM..
Sorry to hear about this, Lucy . Indeed, get your ducks in a row, and do what you need to do. Its going to be a trying/heart-wrenching time, so hang in there.
Yes, I do plan to file for separation as soon as I can. I just started a new job yesterday (RN) so have to wait till I get into some sort of routine, but I did tell him it is coming. Our marriage hasn't been good for a long time. He treated me badly for a very long time. I hate him for the blindside and the lies, spending money on the other woman when I was working two jobs just to pay my bills while killing myself in nursing school, spending money on pot that could have gone towards more important things, drinking even more than before (he's an alcoholic), drunk driving at least once to get to her (risk of death leaving the kids fatherless or hurting someone on the road), trying to talk her into sneaking into our basement late at night to have sex with him with me and my kids in the house, sneaking out on the middle of the night not telling anyone he was leaving (if an emergency happened like a fire we could have been hurt searching the house for him), making me feel like dirt after getting me a nice gift for Christmas when I got him nothing (again, two crappy jobs to get through school, no extra money), and countless other things. The sex isn't what hurts. Our marriage has been bad, like I said. It was the blindside and the lies. It was me having to work six to seven nights a week and being out of the house on the weekends, not getting to be with my kids, and him using that time to go to her place to have sex leaving the older kids in charge of the younger kids knowing they would likely pay little attention to the 5-year-old as they did their own thing. It's all of those things that I'm so angry about. I never should have found out the way that did.
I've debated posting this a few days but figured I should address it. The question was asked fairly recently about if you knew someone was having an affair, should you let the spouse know. I replied stating that no, you should not let them know, as you do not know the dynamics of their relationship. I believed this for quite a while until a week ago when I received a phone call from a stranger telling me that my spouse was having an affair with a co-worker (his wife). I won't go into all the details, as it has been a long nine days since finding out; but I wanted to state that I changed my mind. I was living in the dark. I was busting my butt working two jobs, going to school full time, and trying to be a mother while all this was going on. Everyone he worked with knew this was happening, but none of them felt the need to tell me. After finding out, I felt like a big joke among the company. I was totally blindsided. My marriage has been a mess for a long time, but I did not suspect a thing. He put his job in jeopardy. It's STILL in jeopardy. He risked our children's livelihood for a few months of flirting and a month of drunk sex. People knew this was happening, and only one person was decent enough to open my eyes to it. One person in all of this looked out for me. I feel I can never repay him. So after stating this information should not be shared if found out, I have changed my mind. I'm glad I know. If I already knew what was going on then hearing it from someone else wasn't going to hurt me, but I didn't know. Now I do so I can make the decisions I need to make to move on with my life. Knowing I was in the dark is not a good feeling. Life right now is very stressful, but I'm so much better off knowing what I know now.
I am so sorry. Hugs to you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. Indeed, get your ducks in a row, and do what you need to do. Its going to be a trying/heart-wrenching time, so hang in there.
