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"I don't think I'm a bad catch all together, because I do better with those who have know me longer, sometimes to the point that they are obsessed with me for years or want to date me after knowing me for years. But I may just be a bit inept with new women."
Why are those women not datable?
"Women like me when I don't like them. It's that simple."
I'm getting you don't like women who like you kind of vibe. If you are an acquired taste, then so be it.
When you start to like the girl, you may unconsciously start acting needy or clingy. When you don't like the girl, she is intrigued and sees a challenge, and since you don't like her, you may act more confident, or don't care what you do or say. Whereas when you begin to like her, you may change how you would normally act to try and impress her. Only this guys opinion.
Sad to say, this is why dating rules are needed. Don't just go with all your impulses. Don't call her 5 times a day, just because you want to talk to her 5 times a day. Don't drag the date out as long as possible. Leave her wanting more. If you go faster than her pace, she will slow her pace more and it will be like a negative feedback loop. Of course later on, maybe a couple months later, she may speed her pace on her own.
"I don't think I'm a bad catch all together, because I do better with those who have know me longer, sometimes to the point that they are obsessed with me for years or want to date me after knowing me for years. But I may just be a bit inept with new women."
Why are those women not datable?
"Women like me when I don't like them. It's that simple."
I'm getting you don't like women who like you kind of vibe. If you are an acquired taste, then so be it.
One was a friend and she was nice, but there wasn't much there. I thought she was cute at first, but I need someone who likes to talk about a lot of things. Another is an Ex. One girl was cute and smart, but she drank a lot of beer. One was on and off with an an Ex. It just seems a lot of people have issues or we don't click enough or they just broke up. Of course there are real prospects out there, but the rest have to be sifted through.
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, The World!
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Now Felix, it's not helpful blaming your predicament on 'bad luck' or 'the women' who you assume are responding to your availability/unavailability.
I am encouraged that you don't chase these women who suddenly reject you. This is proof that you're not acting desperately.
Some people get you or don't get you. Even if the woman you mentioned felt threatened that you might suddenly appear on her doorstep, that is her problem. She didn't 'get' your humor and you shouldn't have to tone it down given your style is hardly outrageous or offensive. Besides, it's part of the uniqueness that makes you, you.
People need to look for partners they are compatible with rather than contort themselves into the shape they think the other person desires. Of course, I am not suggesting you don't do any work on yourself because self-awareness and change can benefit your personal growth as well as relationships.
Could you ask a friend who knows you, what they think? They may have a better sense of the vibe you are possibly emitting.
As others have said, don't waste time dating unsuitable females. It is not fair on them or yourself.
Now Felix, it's not helpful blaming your predicament on 'bad luck' or 'the women' who you assume are responding to your availability/unavailability.
I am encouraged that you don't chase these women who suddenly reject you. This is proof that you're not acting desperately.
Some people get you or don't get you. Even if the woman you mentioned felt threatened that you might suddenly appear on her doorstep, that is her problem. She didn't 'get' your humor and you shouldn't have to tone it down given your style is hardly outrageous or offensive. Besides, it's part of the uniqueness that makes you, you.
People need to look for partners they are compatible with rather than contort themselves into the shape they think the other person desires. Of course, I am not suggesting you don't do any work on yourself because self-awareness and change can benefit your personal growth as well as relationships.
Could you ask a friend who knows you, what they think? They may have a better sense of the vibe you are possibly emitting.
As others have said, don't waste time dating unsuitable females. It is not fair on them or yourself.
I get what you're saying. Most dating attempts won't go anywhere do to compatibility issues. I don't know if she is compatible with me or even interested. So far, it's gone pretty well. We spent the afternoon together a couple days ago and it felt effortless to talk and have fun. I'll see if we can do something in the next week or two.
I kind of answered part of my question. Like the saying, "a watched pot never boils", if you start to like someone you feel that they are not responding to you, when you both are actually behaving normally. It wasn't expected that she text back "lol" or something. I wouldn't have thought much of it if I texted a joke to an old friend and they didn't reply. She'll keep in touch if she wants and if she doesn't it's not my fault. I analyze everything. It's just my nature, but in these cases it's totally pointless and just makes problems where there are none.
I am the same. I like someone now and I am trying not to get all caught up in him. What one person may perceive as tenacity, another will perceive as being desperate or clingy. This "unknown zone" is a tough place for me because I tend to conclude that when a man isn't tenacious he's less interested than I am. After years of dating, it's generally meant he was doing a juggling act. However, we all have stuff in our lives that may explain why we don't respond immediately to calls, emails and texts, or even when we're asked out on dates.
I think your advice to yourself to behave normally is good. I'll try to follow it as well
I know exactly how you feel, Felix. I've totally been there. I think you just need to take a break from dating....this means the THOUGHT of dating as well. Like you, I was caught many times thinking about dating constantly: on the train, laying in bed, deciding what I would do on weekends depending on the potential to meet girls (example: "hey buddy wanna go to a party?"...me: "will there be girls there?"). That sorta thing. Just get it out of your head.
Then come back once you've reflected on yourself a bit and what you're looking for, then do something DIFFERENT than what you've been doing and reach out to women in a DIFFERENT way. If you do the same thing over and over you cannot expect the same results. You need to take a step back, change something, and decide what it is exactly you are looking for and how to display what kind of person you are to that other type of person.
I know exactly how you feel, Felix. I've totally been there. I think you just need to take a break from dating....this means the THOUGHT of dating as well. Like you, I was caught many times thinking about dating constantly: on the train, laying in bed, deciding what I would do on weekends depending on the potential to meet girls (example: "hey buddy wanna go to a party?"...me: "will there be girls there?"). That sorta thing. Just get it out of your head.
Then come back once you've reflected on yourself a bit and what you're looking for, then do something DIFFERENT than what you've been doing and reach out to women in a DIFFERENT way. If you do the same thing over and over you cannot expect the same results. You need to take a step back, change something, and decide what it is exactly you are looking for and how to display what kind of person you are to that other type of person.
Yes. And you answered your own question without even knowing it.
GAMES.
You act all casual, not sure whether you like them (you say), then realize that you DO like them and begin acting differently.
The key is to be yourself. At all times, in all circumstances. That way, your behavior DOESN'T change later. Act like yourself and you'll attract women who like you, just for you.
I know exactly how you feel, Felix. I've totally been there. I think you just need to take a break from dating....this means the THOUGHT of dating as well. Like you, I was caught many times thinking about dating constantly: on the train, laying in bed, deciding what I would do on weekends depending on the potential to meet girls (example: "hey buddy wanna go to a party?"...me: "will there be girls there?"). That sorta thing. Just get it out of your head.
Then come back once you've reflected on yourself a bit and what you're looking for, then do something DIFFERENT than what you've been doing and reach out to women in a DIFFERENT way. If you do the same thing over and over you cannot expect the same results. You need to take a step back, change something, and decide what it is exactly you are looking for and how to display what kind of person you are to that other type of person.
Hope this gives some insight.
I don't think about if girls will be there when I make my weekend plans. I know what you mean, because I did that a few years ago, but now I just take care of my business on the weekend and hang out with friends here and there. I've been to a bar or club maybe twice in the last year. It's not my scene.
Reflecting and doing something different is good advice. I'm doing some of that now, by realizing that I need to not worry about every little action or non action a female makes. I happen to have some interest in someone, so I'll keep in touch with her, but I'm not going to meet any others for a couple months. I have to get a little settled in my life. I've been feeling stressed and tired because of all the other stuff going on lately. I won't be getting back to a routine like life for a few weeks.
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