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Only two words for that......TOO BAD!! Men should get away from the "macho" crap and "get with the program".......be a good husband or don't be married!
[quote=tommere;17391756]I think they can be very helpful. However, they will tell him how he has failed and wrong...so many men don't like that.[/QUOTE]
His statement isn't literal. He doesn't believe in "the effectiveness" of therapists, is how I'd interpret it. And, of course, he's right. Because if he doesn't "believe", he won't make the effort, and of course it will be a self-fulfilling statement. Therapists can often help, but a lot depends on the therapist's skill AND the participants willingness to work on the issues.
So, I guess it comes down to whether the two of you can reasonably and calmly work on this yourselves, without having the training and perspective to delve into the issues and find workable solutions as quickly as you might with third party help. If at all.
To me, it sounds like a way to avoid taking responsibility for what happened, or for finding a solution. IMO, that does not bode well for the future of your relationship.
His statement isn't literal. He doesn't believe in "the effectiveness" of therapists, is how I'd interpret it. And, of course, he's right. Because if he doesn't "believe", he won't make the effort, and of course it will be a self-fulfilling statement. Therapists can often help, but a lot depends on the therapist's skill AND the participants willingness to work on the issues.
So, I guess it comes down to whether the two of you can reasonably and calmly work on this yourselves, without having the training and perspective to delve into the issues and find workable solutions as quickly as you might with third party help. If at all.
To me, it sounds like a way to avoid taking responsibility for what happened, or for finding a solution. IMO, that does not bode well for the future of your relationship.
To my thinking, a counselor MIGHT be able to help the communication process. Say, if the couple has stopped communicating, a counselor may be able to reopen the process. Or if a couple only knows destructive communication, always arguing, etc. a counselor might be able to keep things smooth.
However, not all counselors are the same. Some are good, some are average, some aren't worth the paper on their diploma. Make sure your counselor doesn't have their own agenda.
My wife and I went to counseling at my wife's behest. I was OK with the idea. The problem is that my wife wanted to use the counselor she had been seeing alone for several months. I felt a new counselor free of any biases would be better. My wife insisted though so we saw her counselor. What a mistake.
1st, it was obvious the counselor, a woman, had preconceived notions about me and why not? My wife had been telling her many untrue things about me during their sessions. When I contradicted the lies, which my wife couldn't deny, the counselor said nothing at all and didn't question my wife about her falsehoods. Later, the counselor admitted to having problems of her own in her marriage. Everyone has marriage problems but I started to feel the "wives" were ganging up on me.
After 5 sessions, about the time I started relating my own problems with my wife, the counselor ended our sessions and said she wanted to put my wife into a women-only group therapy. Again, I wasn't happy about that but she was the supposed expert...
My wife's women's group counseling lasted longer than our marriage counseling. Also, I was dismayed to find out that the counselor and all the women in the group had gone for a "girls night out" at a local bar. Later, my wife became "close" to some of the women in the group and before you know it, she filed for divorce.
I kind of had the last laugh though. After our divorce, my wife lost her job and eventually had to relocate hundreds of miles away. So her newfound friends and cozy counselor got left behind. Unless, of course, she decided to take them all with her. One big happy family!
Sometimes a good counselor has the ability to see things objectively and give the couple some insight into the relationship, themself or their spouse that they may not have (even if they think they do.) Obviously, some people don't believe that anyone can tell them anything they don't already know about their relationship or themselves. Personally, I think that is usually not the case but that's just me. And yeah, some counselors are not that helpful. Counselors, like anything else, are NOT created equal.
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