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I ask this question because there are a lot of those threads on here. Threads such as, "Is the Direct or Indirect Approach Best?" or any thread that begins with "Why do all men..." or "Why do most women...." Heck, there was even a thread that started with the question, "Are brunette women more attracted to blonde men?"
The truth is, that the answer to just about any of these universal questions is, "Depends."
What gives here? Why are people so desperate for such simple theories when people are the most complicated subject on the planet? From the advice on this forum to the stupid "How To Pick Up Women" books, people want to believe in a highly-mechanistic approach to human interaction.
Yet every person is different, based on their history, their aspirations and philosophy, and a million other subtle things. They are really a case-by-case basis. So your dealings with those people have to be based on who they are and what their current situation is, not some convoluted theory.
The only absolutes in human relationships? Treat the other person with dignity and respect, and expect to be treated in the same way.
So why do so many people slog through life, relying on an incredibly simplistic view of how other people think and act?
People like to organize everything in to neat little categories. Not just relationships but politics, entertainment, everything. Right vs. wrong, us vs. them, men vs. women. It makes us feel better, even if it's all bull@#$%.
What gives here? Why are people so desperate for such simple theories when people are the most complicated subject on the planet? From the advice on this forum to the stupid "How To Pick Up Women" books, people want to believe in a highly-mechanistic approach to human interaction.
Yet every person is different, based on their history, their aspirations and philosophy, and a million other subtle things. They are really a case-by-case basis. So your dealings with those people have to be based on who they are and what their current situation is, not some convoluted theory.
Because most people want to keep things as simple as possible. They're easily intimidated by complexity. And not just in relationships, but in other areas of life as well. If you look at the subject of weight loss, you'll always find people trying to simplify things into neat little rules that can be easily applied. And then when they fail, they wonder why. Maybe it's because you have to figure out what works for you, not what works for everyone else.
I like the idea of taking people on a case-by-case basis. On this forum and others, you'll often hear people say don't date single mothers or don't try online dating. Notice how they have to have a broad rule. Because it keeps things nice and simple. IMO, this need for simplicity is a big reason why so many relationships fail and why so many people see them as hard work. It's not that relationships are necessarily hard (though they're not easy). It's that they're too hard for those people doing the complaining.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 01-14-2011 at 09:43 AM..
So why do so many people slog through life, relying on an incredibly simplistic view of how other people think and act?
Because people are intellectually lazy and essentially want the simple life so they don't have to analyse and think about anything for themselves. It's easier to be a sheeple and follow the crowd.
The other reason is generally people are self centred and really don't give a rats a** what other people think or how they feel, unless that person has a vested interest in them.
I think one of the reasons I have a bad dating life is because of one size fits all theories. People give me vague, one-size-fits-all advice online and they don't realize that might not work in my case. Also, it doesn't help that the advice I get from posters is sometimes contradictory.
I think one of the reasons I have a bad dating life is because of one size fits all theories. People give me vague, one-size-fits-all advice online and they don't realize that might not work in my case. Also, it doesn't help that the advice I get from posters is sometimes contradictory.
True. Of course, your expectations are a little bizarre. You don't want to ever have sex, but you don't want to tell women that you don't ever want to have sex. So, to be truthful, no amount of advice in the world will ever help you.
I think one of the reasons I have a bad dating life is because of one size fits all theories. People give me vague, one-size-fits-all advice online and they don't realize that might not work in my case. Also, it doesn't help that the advice I get from posters is sometimes contradictory.
Yes, yes, your predicament is entirely the fault of others. Of course, if you never take any of the advice you're given, the point is moot anyway.
I think you're reading into board posts too much. For most people I think this is a place to blow off steam or to try and make some sense of feelings/questions they may have. It's quick, easy and anonymous. I doubt most people here think of C-D advice as law of the land.
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