Dating a recently divorced guy, need some advice. (boyfriend, girlfriend, married)
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He is "ready to date" for fun as a distraction from his feelings of being abandoned, and for sex to keep him from feeling emasculated by the fact his wife cheated on him.
Been there, done that, it will not work out for the OP, let's be honest and helpful.
Well I didn't take that approach ex post facto. It was more get out and do something. Bumping bellies was something different.
He is "ready to date" for fun as a distraction from his feelings of being abandoned, and for sex to keep him from feeling emasculated by the fact his wife cheated on him.
Been there, done that, it will not work out for the OP, let's be honest and helpful.
Unfortunately for the OP, I sense that this is the correct answer. Of all the friends, relatives, coworkers, etc, I know who have shared a situation like this over the years, not in one instance can I think of an outcome where the person in the OP's position had the happy ending they were looking for. Most of us have been the rebound person for someone. The happy ending we're imagining is the product of romance novels and Lifetime movies... rarely does that happen in real life.
What typically happens is the guy (could be either sex, but a guy in this instance) starts pulling away. He likes the sex and for the reasons OngletNYC mentioned, likes being able to tell himself he's moved on from the woman who hurt him. He can pretend in the short term, act the part on dates and do it in the bedroom. But he becomes more distant because the guilt is eating him up. He can see the rebound girl is growing more attached, has honest feelings for him. That freaks him out because although he wants the sex and fun of dating, he's not really ready to commit himself to someone new. It's all too fast and too soon, so he freaks out and pulls back, often hoping the girl will do it for him and dump him if he gets distant enough. Then he won't have to even feel guilty for dumping her, because it was her decision, not his.
Unfortunately for the OP, I sense that this is the correct answer. Of all the friends, relatives, coworkers, etc, I know who have shared a situation like this over the years, not in one instance can I think of an outcome where the person in the OP's position had the happy ending they were looking for. Most of us have been the rebound person for someone. The happy ending we're imagining is the product of romance novels and Lifetime movies... rarely does that happen in real life.
What typically happens is the guy (could be either sex, but a guy in this instance) starts pulling away. He likes the sex and for the reasons OngletNYC mentioned, likes being able to tell himself he's moved on from the woman who hurt him. He can pretend in the short term, act the part on dates and do it in the bedroom. But he becomes more distant because the guilt is eating him up. He can see the rebound girl is growing more attached, has honest feelings for him. That freaks him out because although he wants the sex and fun of dating, he's not really ready to commit himself to someone new. It's all too fast and too soon, so he freaks out and pulls back, often hoping the girl will do it for him and dump him if he gets distant enough. Then he won't have to even feel guilty for dumping her, because it was her decision, not his.
(This doesn't end well, OP.)
My thoughts exactly, having been through it personally and witnessed it countless times.
Divorce emotions are very complicated. When he met you, he may have felt that he was ready for a relationship. Be thankful and respect him for telling you how he felt when he realized that he wasn't ready.
You've gotten great advice. Move on. You deserve a man who is emotionally available. There wasn't enough time between her good bye and your hello.
If you've known this man for only a few months I would proceed in this relationship with extreme caution.How do you know that HE was not the one that was cheating? Don't give your heart away too fast, especially when you just got out of a relationship yourself.
Ok, so I'm 26, and dating someone recently divorced is new to me. I met this guy a few months ago, who had gotten divorced this summer due to infidelity. He started calling me and such and was incredibly eager to get to know me. I was very reluctant at first, explaining to him I was weary of being his rebound, etc. He managed to convince me that he was over that, that he liked me. He started out like most dating scenarios do, he was eager to make plans, kept in contact with me and such. Then all of a sudden he just stopped. He told me that he was kind of messed up still, wasn't ready for a relationship, but still wanted to spend time with me. I was ok with that, as I had just gotten out of a long term relationship prior to meeting the guy. I'm still dating the guy, I see him a few times a week, but I'm starting to maybe feel more of an attachment to him. I guess my question for anyone who knows what is going through a guy's head in this situation is: should I stick with this or walk away?
after my divorce i wanted to "play" for a while before i got serious. my future wife told me to make sure i was done playing before getting serious with her and if i wanted to play more go ahead and do it. just saying he might be playing.
Ok, so I'm 26, and dating someone recently divorced is new to me. I met this guy a few months ago, who had gotten divorced this summer due to infidelity. He started calling me and such and was incredibly eager to get to know me. I was very reluctant at first, explaining to him I was weary of being his rebound, etc. He managed to convince me that he was over that, that he liked me. He started out like most dating scenarios do, he was eager to make plans, kept in contact with me and such. Then all of a sudden he just stopped. He told me that he was kind of messed up still, wasn't ready for a relationship, but still wanted to spend time with me. I was ok with that, as I had just gotten out of a long term relationship prior to meeting the guy. I'm still dating the guy, I see him a few times a week, but I'm starting to maybe feel more of an attachment to him. I guess my question for anyone who knows what is going through a guy's head in this situation is: should I stick with this or walk away?
sigh...NEVER be the first person a divorced guy dates after his divorce. They are so messed up that you shouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole. Walk away honey.
Ok, so I'm 26, and dating someone recently divorced is new to me. I met this guy a few months ago, who had gotten divorced this summer due to infidelity. He started calling me and such and was incredibly eager to get to know me. I was very reluctant at first, explaining to him I was weary of being his rebound, etc. He managed to convince me that he was over that, that he liked me. He started out like most dating scenarios do, he was eager to make plans, kept in contact with me and such. Then all of a sudden he just stopped. He told me that he was kind of messed up still, wasn't ready for a relationship, but still wanted to spend time with me. I was ok with that, as I had just gotten out of a long term relationship prior to meeting the guy. I'm still dating the guy, I see him a few times a week, but I'm starting to maybe feel more of an attachment to him. I guess my question for anyone who knows what is going through a guy's head in this situation is: should I stick with this or walk away?
It sounds like you're his rebound, and he's your rebound.
I think you should stick with him and ride it out. It won't last forever but it will help both of you sort through the mess and confusion in your heads.
sigh...NEVER be the first person a divorced guy dates after his divorce. They are so messed up that you shouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole. Walk away honey.
Personally if it were me and I was the one dating this guy, I would back off a bit. It definitely sounds like he's enjoying the benefits of your new found "friendship" but is setting the boundaries by saying this is all too new for him and that he's still messed up.
That would be a yellow flag for me. But, that's just me. You are young, I'm sure you have a choice of who you see. You mentioned that you also just got out of a long term relationship? How long ago? Did you give yourself any time for "you" time? It's important, ya know?
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