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Old 01-15-2011, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,164 posts, read 6,325,116 times
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In some relationships the man serves as the "boss." In other relationships the wife seems to call most of the "shots." Have you noticed this?...I prefer to be in a relationship where both partners operate as equals and best friends...How about you? There is no room for "gender bashing" if a couple hopes to achieve a sense of equality with each other...What are your thoughts about this? Thanks...
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:31 AM
 
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equality would be really nice but men and women are inherently different. so there has to be some dynamic...

like sometimes letting guys do stupid things b/c they want to do them to feel special and like they're "the man"


for example, thank you for ordering for me and completely messing up my food. (i can be picky) BUT you are totally chivalrous.
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:43 AM
 
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It depends on my mind on the couple's personalities. Often it's the person with the most dominant personality who is the lead. Whilst it's traditional for the man to lead a relationship, a woman can if she is naturally more bossy, or has more leadership-oriented thinking/personality type.
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:49 AM
 
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Every successful relationship will operate under the dynamics that work best for those individuals. To expect everyone to function as if they were the same, is unrealistic, and illogical, give than we are all human.
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Old 01-15-2011, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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It's true...Some women are very well-rounded when it comes to making plans and over-seeing everything. But this can get old after awhile and leads to "bad feelings" and resentments...Same goes for a man who has to take on more duties because he is married to a woman who depends on him too much...I think it's best when both partners are fully-functioning and competent and capable...This way no one feels like just a "half a person." What do you think? I think it's best to operate as equals versus playing "mom" or "dad" to each other on a regular basis.
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Old 01-15-2011, 10:07 AM
 
37,659 posts, read 46,099,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's true...Some women are very well-rounded when it comes to making plans and over-seeing everything. But this can get old after awhile and leads to "bad feelings" and resentments...Same goes for a man who has to take on more duties because he is married to a woman who depends on him too much...I think it's best when both partners are fully-functioning and competent and capable...This way no one feels like just a "half a person." What do you think? I think it's best to operate as equals versus playing "mom" or "dad" to each other on a regular basis.
Again...you can't possibly think that every couple will adopt the same "template" for their own marriage. If someone is experiencing feelings that they are "half a person", then Hello??....obviously, that relationship is having problems. However, there are many MANY couples that function perfectly where one is the main decision-maker, or one manages all the financial decisions, or whatever. It's cool that you are happy with your own dynamics, but you cannot assume that everyone else would find that same dynamic to work for them as well.
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Old 01-15-2011, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,164 posts, read 6,325,116 times
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I think equality has to do with placing worth and value on all of the routine chores and "jobs" that have to be done in a family...Couples don't have to be interchangeable...Everyone doesn't have to be the same...It's about honoring everyones' unique skills and contributions.
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Old 01-15-2011, 12:11 PM
 
37,659 posts, read 46,099,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I think equality has to do with placing worth and value on all of the routine chores and "jobs" that have to be done in a family...Couples don't have to be interchangeable...Everyone doesn't have to be the same...It's about honoring everyones' unique skills and contributions.
Exactly. And some people are terrible at making decisions, or managing money, or organizing, or whatever. That's why your relationship will differ from another.
Everyone needs to find that balance that works....for them.
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Old 01-15-2011, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,164 posts, read 6,325,116 times
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My husband passed away recently and everything is on my shoulders now. Boy I can see that I should have been involved in more areas instead of letting my husband handle certain things exclusively...What a wake-up call! Guess I need to become more well-rounded from this day forward.
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Old 01-15-2011, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Connecticut is my adopted home.
2,398 posts, read 3,839,190 times
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We have the sort of relationship that the OP inquired about. In some areas I take the ball because those things fall in my arena of expertise. Likewise in other matters, my husband is in charge because he has more knowledge, interest, skill and experience. Those things are under his jurisdiction. We have separate finances so we each are technically in charge of that area, with big decisions made and paid for jointly. Though each has their separate responsibilities, we talk about the big picture to make sure that the other is "on board" with the plans and decisions made by the other. We tend not to dwell or get hung up on the minutia of the plan/decision/actions that the other has made. After 18 years it's worked for us pretty well.
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