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Well exactly, I have been disappointed in my judgment of the character of others but that's my problem. one can never be used if s/he acts in accordance to her own personal standards, whatever those may be.
lilamx, I'm sorry your encounter with this man did not go as you hoped. You've gotten a pretty strong scolding from people here. I hope you hold stronger to your convictions in the future and don't give in to a guy just because you're afraid of losing him. I don't know if that ever ends well. At the same time, don't invite a guy to spend the weekend with you if you are going to share a hotel room, because that does send a strong signal that you intend to have sex. Play it cool. The right guy for you will respect that.
I don't think it's right to demonize the guy based on what you said, though. You said that he did other things yu have not mentioned, and I won't speculate on what they are. But I can look at the situation you presented from the guy's point of view. He met a woman he thought he liked and was invited to spend the weekend with her. They had sex right away, but it went very badly. She was in pain or unable to relax ... and she fell asleep in the middle of it. That's some pretty bad sex, up there with crying afterward. Now, if the two people were more emotionally connected, the guy might want to stay and fix things and help the woman overcome her issues. Some guys love being the heroic knight who saves the damsel in distress. Other guys look at a messy situation and don't want to deal with it. It doesn't make them bad people. Sometimes people just go, "Whoa. I am not ready for this level of drama," and they back off. That doesn't make YOU the bad person, but that doesn't make HIM the bad person either (again, just from what you told us). It does mean you are at different places in life. If the guy was just looking for some fun, that doesn't make him a predator or a scumbag, anymore that what happened makes you a psycho or a basket case. Imagine this story from his point of view ... not knowing what was going on in your head and in your past, what would he say about what happened? How do you think strangers would react when told the story?
I hope you can take the time to heal your wounds and move forward. You had a crummy experience, but it doesn't have to be all she wrote. Good luck.
lilamx, I'm sorry your encounter with this man did not go as you hoped. You've gotten a pretty strong scolding from people here. I hope you hold stronger to your convictions in the future and don't give in to a guy just because you're afraid of losing him. I don't know if that ever ends well. At the same time, don't invite a guy to spend the weekend with you if you are going to share a hotel room, because that does send a strong signal that you intend to have sex. Play it cool. The right guy for you will respect that.
I don't think it's right to demonize the guy based on what you said, though. You said that he did other things yu have not mentioned, and I won't speculate on what they are. But I can look at the situation you presented from the guy's point of view. He met a woman he thought he liked and was invited to spend the weekend with her. They had sex right away, but it went very badly. She was in pain or unable to relax ... and she fell asleep in the middle of it. That's some pretty bad sex, up there with crying afterward. Now, if the two people were more emotionally connected, the guy might want to stay and fix things and help the woman overcome her issues. Some guys love being the heroic knight who saves the damsel in distress. Other guys look at a messy situation and don't want to deal with it. It doesn't make them bad people. Sometimes people just go, "Whoa. I am not ready for this level of drama," and they back off. That doesn't make YOU the bad person, but that doesn't make HIM the bad person either (again, just from what you told us). It does mean you are at different places in life. If the guy was just looking for some fun, that doesn't make him a predator or a scumbag, anymore that what happened makes you a psycho or a basket case. Imagine this story from his point of view ... not knowing what was going on in your head and in your past, what would he say about what happened? How do you think strangers would react when told the story?
I hope you can take the time to heal your wounds and move forward. You had a crummy experience, but it doesn't have to be all she wrote. Good luck.
And I wonder why some guys in this thread are so invested to show off their jersey shore macho selves
I was pretty bad myself, but felt the need to apologize, she sounds too down and out at the moment.
It is when you write a disparaging rant that in no way represents my stance directly after that. Also, you clearly misstated that I came to the conclusion the OP may be unattractive exclusively from her sexual encounter with the alleged "scum."
There is no way you can tell what she looks like from anything she's said.
I considered the possibility she was unattractive and gave advice related to that.
However, that advice is unwarranted. Also, why is it that a woman who is "unattractive" by physical standards be so deserving of poor treatment by guys? Everyone deserves a shot at being treated with respect regardless of how physically attractive they are (which is highly subjective anyway).
OP did your date talk * at all * about sex in your prior conversations before meeting ?
Did he ask for pics of your body ?
Did he or you talk about sex or any aspect of it ?
If so, he is like 150 bazillion men on the internet who's sole purpose is to have sex with any women that will be talked into or pressured into it.
The pressure you talk about, I am going to assume there was some sexual talk and when you met him, he expected it all to happen ?
Don't be sad. The guy is going to continue to get lonely or vulnerable or inexperienced women. There are thousands of guys on those sites working sex everyday in their lives..
The internet is a SMORGASBOARD of sex for many men.
IN the old days they had to go to bars, meet, wine and dine you.
NOW, they find a lonely vulnerable girl and they throw in sex talk to see if she is bait . Then they come over and WHAM !
IN the future, NEVER have sex with anyone you are not in a committed relationship with. Ever.
Are you worried about Herpes ? Did he wear a condom ? I hope to God you say yes. Otherwise he is ...well....dirty ....
Even if it doesn't apply to the OP, other women will benefit. I would have sent her a DM if I'd been certain it did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizdezigner
Also, why is it that a woman who is "unattractive" by physical standards be so deserving of poor treatment by guys? Everyone deserves a shot at being treated with respect regardless of how physically attractive they are (which is highly subjective anyway).
Is Miss Miyu rubbing off on you?
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He just wanted sex...
