Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thank you all so much. Thank you as well for affirming that I had made the right decision in turning her away. In my heart I knew it, but I still cannot say it was easy, considering all those happy years together. I really appreciate you all taking the time to read my story and react to it. Thanks.
Hello all. One year since I made the original post and I am much, much better. I can function normally most every day. I do have some relapses into sadness, but am happy most of the time. I stay busy. I sleep normally.
I think about what happened on a near daily basis. I still miss the life we had and wonder what she is doing. I acknowledge these thoughts as normal, however, given so many unanswered questions. I am most sad about the tragedy for both of us; we could've had a wonderful life together. Still, the fact that she admitted her mistake did provide some closure, and I consider myself lucky that the broken person, this person capable of such selfishness and cruelty, showed herself while I am still young enough to pick up the pieces of my life.
I wonder where I am in the grieving process. I hear that one can expect 2-3 months of grieving for every one year together. This calculation means 22-33 months for me, so I have a ways to go. I am just glad that the worst is apparently over, but acknowledge the long journey ahead.
Thank you all for your support. I was cautious about posting on C-D about my breakup, but am now so glad I did. Your support and comments have been most empowering.
Hello all. One year since I made the original post and I am much, much better. I can function normally most every day. I do have some relapses into sadness, but am happy most of the time. I stay busy. I sleep normally.
I think about what happened on a near daily basis. I still miss the life we had and wonder what she is doing. I acknowledge these thoughts as normal, however, given so many unanswered questions. I am most sad about the tragedy for both of us; we could've had a wonderful life together. Still, the fact that she admitted her mistake did provide some closure, and I consider myself lucky that the broken person, this person capable of such selfishness and cruelty, showed herself while I am still young enough to pick up the pieces of my life.
I wonder where I am in the grieving process. I hear that one can expect 2-3 months of grieving for every one year together. This calculation means 22-33 months for me, so I have a ways to go. I am just glad that the worst is apparently over, but acknowledge the long journey ahead.
Thank you all for your support. I was cautious about posting on C-D about my breakup, but am now so glad I did. Your support and comments have been most empowering.
Much love to you all...
You took all that pain with class dude..Kudos to you. And kudos to you for not hating all women. Your story is out there a thousand times over. I don't think you realize it, but I would be willing to bet that you have helped alot of other people with your experience. I'm sure many can relate to you..Good luck and god bless and keep your chin up..You will have some downs sometimes. That's normal. It's only been a year..Just curious, what ever happened to the girl you met after the marriage ended? Are you still together? I'm thinking most likely you weren't ready yet, or that she was a rebound..?? Let us know.
I went through something quite similiar 11 years ago. Had been together 10 years, married 6 years. He met someone online, in another country, decided he was in love and split. He had never expressed any unhappiness with his marriage prior to this, and I couldn't read his mind.
I decided that I was fortunate that as soon as he became a problem that he was someone elses problem. I did talk to a counselor a couple of times and got some good basic advice: no new relationships for at least a year. That was good advice. I took that year to get involved in outdoor activities that lead me to go to college (at 33!) and get my degree in geology.
I have since met someone and been with them for 9 years, but the legacy of my divorce (that I had no control over) is that I have no interest in being married again.
Hello all. One year since I made the original post and I am much, much better. I can function normally most every day. I do have some relapses into sadness, but am happy most of the time. I stay busy. I sleep normally.
I think about what happened on a near daily basis. I still miss the life we had and wonder what she is doing. I acknowledge these thoughts as normal, however, given so many unanswered questions. I am most sad about the tragedy for both of us; we could've had a wonderful life together. Still, the fact that she admitted her mistake did provide some closure, and I consider myself lucky that the broken person, this person capable of such selfishness and cruelty, showed herself while I am still young enough to pick up the pieces of my life.
I wonder where I am in the grieving process. I hear that one can expect 2-3 months of grieving for every one year together. This calculation means 22-33 months for me, so I have a ways to go. I am just glad that the worst is apparently over, but acknowledge the long journey ahead.
Thank you all for your support. I was cautious about posting on C-D about my breakup, but am now so glad I did. Your support and comments have been most empowering.
Much love to you all...
I always appreciate when a poster comes back to update their original thread, so thank you for that
I am so glad time is helping you to heal and gain perspective. Try to imagine how much better you will feel the more time goes by! By this time next year you will be in an even better place
Your wife had issues, plain and simple.
Unfortunately, you became a battleground casualty in the war raging within her.
Over time I pray you can forgive her for your own sake, and see her as nothing more than the creature to be pitied that she is.
Hello all. One year since I made the original post and I am much, much better. I can function normally most every day. I do have some relapses into sadness, but am happy most of the time. I stay busy. I sleep normally.
I think about what happened on a near daily basis. I still miss the life we had and wonder what she is doing. I acknowledge these thoughts as normal, however, given so many unanswered questions. I am most sad about the tragedy for both of us; we could've had a wonderful life together. Still, the fact that she admitted her mistake did provide some closure, and I consider myself lucky that the broken person, this person capable of such selfishness and cruelty, showed herself while I am still young enough to pick up the pieces of my life.
I wonder where I am in the grieving process. I hear that one can expect 2-3 months of grieving for every one year together. This calculation means 22-33 months for me, so I have a ways to go. I am just glad that the worst is apparently over, but acknowledge the long journey ahead.
Thank you all for your support. I was cautious about posting on C-D about my breakup, but am now so glad I did. Your support and comments have been most empowering.
Much love to you all...
Glad you are doing better after a year. Many people, even a bunch of us on C-D who don't really know you, care about you.
As I worked through my situation early on I sort of kept a mental tally of the ratio of time I spent thinking about it and the amount of time I spent not thinking about it, knowing that the ratio would change over time as I spent less and less time dwelling on it. I still do think about it sometimes, after 10 years. A few percent of the time. I guess it will never go away.
My ex did end up marrying again a couple of years after the divorce, not to the person he left for. I met the new wife briefly once a long time ago. She looked a bit like me . I wonder what he told his new wife about his prior marriage? Sometimes I wanted to somehow tell his new wife to keep a few things in her own name, just in case.
I have long since moved away to another state so I don't cross paths with him any more. I do talk to his sister on FB every now and then, but we don't talk about him. Though recently she told me in a message that he said "hello." I just said "hello" back. Then before xmas he sent me a FB message of "Happy Holidays." (I'm not friends with him on FB of course, but we have mutual friends on there.) I just deleted it, seeing no need to go there. I wonder how his marriage is going these days? Do people really change? (I don't think so.)
I'm so so sorry your going thru this...I went thru kind of the same thing yoru going thru, and I will tell you it took me a long time to get over it...3 years actually
One thing you HAVE to believe is, IT isn't you..."you" are not the reason she failed the marriage....
I do know after something like this, you question yourself, blame yourself, and feel so deficient....so unimportant and like a failure....but YOUR not and you have to believe that...which is the first step to recovery.
This would have happened no matter who she was married to...so, please don't beat yourself up.
Then there is the question, "how could she do this if she loved me", or, "did she love me".... Answer, she loved you to the best of her ability, which apparently wasn't compatible with your beliefs...in other words, she wasn't mentally compatible...which is so important in a relationship.
My suggestion...take a lot of time off...then instead of asking yourself, why did she do this or that...ask yourself, what was it that attracted you to her, and why did you fall for someone who wasn't able to give you what you deserved? Because, this woman wasn't able to commit herself to you...as you deserved.
Was she married before?
If she did this to you, she will also do it to him, someday....sorry to say, and maybe I'm wrong, but statistics show, that history usually repeats itself.
My best to you...please find comfort in knowing that there are others out there who have been thru what your presently dealing with...the rejection is devestating....but it does get better, and it depends on you...and how quickly you can repair youself, by not blaming, but by actually doing self examination...in other words....all the answers will come, the more you question yourself...for instance, "Why did I choose someone who didn't have the same moral fidelity to self"...
you and only you can answer those questions...and then, grow from this so that you can better yourself, when you choose to date again, so that you'll be very selective, and look more for those signs which has to do with mental compatiblity.
I'm glad you came back and updated us. Just take it a day at a time and that's all you can do. You deserve better and you know it. Just wait until you're ready and you'll find someone who's worthy of you. GL and hugs
"I always appreciate when a poster comes back to update their original thread, so thank you for that."
Agreed. I lost track of this thread and can't get to CD very often due to spotty internet connection and a very busy life. I'm very happy to hear the middle/end of this story. OP, you did the right thing for your own happiness and showed a tremendous amount of courage and class in the process. Having stood alone in front of a divorce judge myself many years ago, I understand how intimidating it can be, though it was a watershed decision for the good for both myself and my ex-husband because we were fatally mismatched.
Good to hear that you're doing better and moving on with your life. One can never understand a person like your ex and you'd be wasting your time and energy trying to figure her out. Try to put closure on her and your marriage and move on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I wonder what he told his new wife about his prior marriage? Sometimes I wanted to somehow tell his new wife to keep a few things in her own name, just in case.
