How do you move on after a breakup and stop obsessing over an ex? And is it possible to stay friends after? (women, love)
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I seem not to be able to break up with my ex a 100% and it's driving me crazy! We were together for 2 years and it was my first serious relationship. I know he is not the right person for me, he cheated on top of us having other issues. The first time, I found out about it I told him we were done but he just wouldn't leave me alone! The cycle continued. Just as soon as I start feeling better i make a mistake of seeing him "as friends" and we end up sleeping together. I told him to give me space but he either wouldn't or when I start missing him and he asks me to meet up, I rarely can say no. this has been going on for 6 months now. I broke up with him over 5 times but i don't want to cut him out of my life completely. I have this obsession of trying to stay friends with my exes since i truly believe it is possible and i feel sad if i have to let go of someone i used to love and who was a huge part of my life. He tells me that I am a very special person to him and that he wants to stay friends and be present in my life. I am not sure whether he is capable of just being platonic friends with me as we have crazy chemistry. I know that the only way to stop this madness is to cut him out completely but I am scared and don't want to do that! am i being dilusional and try to hold on to smth. that is not there anymore? we have so many common interests and i have never had this much fun with anyone So, do I have to stop any contact with him in order to move on?
Last edited by Katya Krylova; 01-19-2011 at 07:36 PM..
Your situation sound like me just a couple years ago, down to a T, except for the cheating part, so I know how hard it is.
I think you're not going to take anyone's advice (just like I didn't when it was me), but believe me when I say, this is not someone you can be friends with. Especially not when you have the sexual chemistry you say you two have (that was me and my ex too) because this cycle will never end and you'll be miserable for who knows how long. The best thing you can do is cut him off from any contact. That is really hard to do, I know, but you have to if you want to move on and be happy enough to attract a better man in your life. Regardless, you're probably not going to do any of that until that light bulb goes off in your head and you've finally had enough, but it will.
A guy who treats you that badly is not worth your time or effort as a friend. Save friendship for someone who respects you and whom you can respect. Seriously, grow a spine and close the door on this one.
Do you have a pattern of wanting guys that treat you like dirt? If you think this is normal maybe you need couseling so you don't go for the same profile of abuser the next time.
Your situation sound like me just a couple years ago, down to a T, except for the cheating part, so I know how hard it is.
I think you're not going to take anyone's advice (just like I didn't when it was me), but believe me when I say, this is not someone you can be friends with. Especially not when you have the sexual chemistry you say you two have (that was me and my ex too) because this cycle will never end and you'll be miserable for who knows how long. The best thing you can do is cut him off from any contact. That is really hard to do, I know, but you have to if you want to move on and be happy enough to attract a better man in your life. Regardless, you're probably not going to do any of that until that light bulb goes off in your head and you've finally had enough, but it will.
The OP needs to read this post a couple hundred times or until they get it. Whichever comes first.
I seem not to be able to break up with my ex a 100% and it's driving me crazy! We were together for 2 years and it was my first serious relationship. I know he is not the right person for me, he cheated on top of us having other issues. The first time, I found out about it I told him we were done but he just wouldn't leave me alone! The cycle continued. Just as soon as I start feeling better i make a mistake of seeing him "as friends" and we end up sleeping together. I told him to give me space but he either wouldn't or when I start missing him and he asks me to meet up, I rarely can say no. this has been going on for 6 months now. I broke up with him over 5 times but i don't want to cut him out of my life completely. I have this obsession of trying to stay friends with my exes since i truly believe it is possible and i feel sad if i have to let go of someone i used to love and who was a huge part of my life. He tells me that I am a very special person to him and that he wants to stay friends and be present in my life. I am not sure whether he is capable of just being platonic friends with me as we have crazy chemistry. I know that the only way to stop this madness is to cut him out completely but I am scared and don't want to do that! am i being dilusional and try to hold on to smth. that is not there anymore? we have so many common interests and i have never had this much fun with anyone So, do I have to stop any contact with him in order to move on?
He doesn't leave you alone because you allow him to keep coming back. Yes, if you really truly want to move on from the relationship, you have to cut all communication. It honestly doesn't sound like you're really ready to do that just yet though.
Look at it this way. He's using you, plain and simple. You love being with him, have fun with him and the sex is explosive but that wasn't enough for him (he cheated on you) and it won't be in the future. He's a player and there are plenty of them around. They're not an unusual or rare breed but they are what they are. You don't really want to be used, do you? He's probably got a few other women he dances around with but you don't really want to be one of them, do you?
Somewhere out there is a fun, honest, caring and wonderful guy just for you, a man who genuinely loves you and who won't leave you sitting home alone at night wondering where he is, what he's doing and with whom. Don't waste any more of your (precious) time on this ex - make him a real ex and get on with your own life. Good luck!
To be honest OP, good advice is only handy if you can actually follow it. However it's most likely that you gonna keep doing whatever it was your doing.
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