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It seems that plenty of 40-something divorced women find someone who wants to marry them. Many are not so dilapidated as some posters seem to think! Of course, many don't find someone or don't even want to remarry. Without knowing the person being discussed, it's hard to know. And of course, some men and women have realistic expectations about what they can expect given what they have to offer.
However, vows are only as good as the people making them, and even then, some relationships just aren't worth maintaining. Unhappiness can be a valid reason for leaving, but even the Constitution only grants the right to pursue happiness. You may not find it.
I was 40 when I met my 9 years younger and rather good looking man. And how strange that he was quite smitten with me, that he didn't want kids, that we had a whole heap of stuff in common and we've now been together 6 years.
I must be the only 40 year old to have ever done that
That's the key point in the bold there DJUNA.
Men that want kids will not be looking at 40 year olds 95% of the time and then you have those that don't want to be raising or caring for another males child. That right there eliminates a huge chunk of the potential dating pool for a 40 year old woman.
It seems that plenty of 40-something divorced women find someone who wants to marry them. Many are not so dilapidated as some posters seem to think!
Wouldn't doubt it, but I'll bet most of them are 50+ year old dudes or some guy with a terrifying load of his own baggage or lack of work ethic or some other issue.
In my life I have yet to see a 40 year old divorced woman with children "trade up" to a better situation. I'm sure it happens somewhere, but I've never seen it.
In my life I have yet to see a 40 year old divorced woman with children "trade up" to a better situation. I'm sure it happens somewhere, but I've never seen it.
I don't have a problem with the inherent fickle nature of the post-feminist woman, I've learn to not get my hopes up about women's reliability. I DO have a problem with the construct of marriage from a legal standpoint, I don't think it's reasonable to become economically penalized for the inherent variability and fickleness of human interactions. My beef is with the general sentiment of insult and offense that women exhibit once these accusations are levied against the legal institution of marriage, and the aforementioned language of shame utilized to attack those who disavow the legal economic advantages afforded to women under the premise that men should quietly accept the waiving of economic insulation via a marriage certificate and that to do otherwise is to be unromantic, as if being romantic was a reasonable opportunity cost to survival and economic safety for the single man.
I'm not gonna go off the deep end asserting ALL women are this or that, but I'm quite tired of the implication there's something wrong with me for merely pointing out the unreasonable nature of jeopardizing my economic safety [via a marriage license] just so a woman doesn't get her romantic sensitivities hurt. Furthermore, I find it offensive that a female's motivations for supporting the classical legal marriage construct are never scrutinized, but my criticism over her insistence on waiving my economic rights in the name of romance is all of a sudden considered blasphemy.
It's BS, and that's a moderate argument, no need to lump us all in the "all women are evil" camp just because we disavow the legal construct of marriage. I DO accuse MOST women of being silently self-interested in the entitlements and benefits state sanctioned marriage licenses provides them at my expense, and I do accuse them of having these entitlements in mind when they bemoan the thought of non-commonlaw cohabitation or prenuptial agreements, while claiming such objection to be SOLELY in the name of romantic sensitivities.
It is for this reason that I fully support sole-church involvement in the issuance of these "marital contracts". I think that's a win win if we are to assume women are looking for romantic reasons for which to marry. Alas, I have suggested [hypotethically of course as the state gives me no such option] this non-legal marriage option to several women and have been met with great discontent and similar accusations as in the regular marriage case.. which proves that they are NOT interested solely in preserving their romantic sensitivities intact, they have very much in mind the economic desires of subsidy, general welfare and gurantee of a certain lifestyle they couldn't attain on their own. There is simply no rationalizing that away. Which is why they get angry and accuse men who disavow legal marriage of all sorts of red herrings.. I'm fairly convinced of this, which is why finding a partner willing to pursue a life relationship absent a legal marriage certificate and/or with a prenup in lieu of that, the most genuine display of true and genuine commitment for romantic reasons. The fact most women fail to see that is further proof they're self-interested.
Last edited by hindsight2020; 01-24-2011 at 04:04 PM..
Most people who are unhappy in a marriage are actually unhappy with their lives (doesn't have much to do with their partner). They'll be unhappy single too. Hmm... isn't it funny how unhappy single people think meeting their "one" is going to make them happy? People... we are so predictable ; )
I remember the thread by the guy who wanted to leave his wife because he wanted to travel and try new things, and he was sick of doing them alone. I decided not to post my thoughts in the thread but I was laughing about it. If he left her I can imagine where he is.... travelling alone most likely and bored/unhappy just like he was with his wife.
Well, apparently something is missing from the relationship. Chances are she's not telling you the whole story. I'd bet the rent they stopped having sex a long time ago and have been living like roommates. As he has agreed to the split and the divorce is going amicably between them, there's another angle to this.
AMEN sister! I lived through this too and people thought I had a perfect marriage. A perfect husband. Truth is we were good friends and companions. Roommates for decades.
No one knew because I had/have respect for my H. And there was nothing to gain from telling people we hadn't had sex in years. This would have hurt him deeply so I just kept it to myself. Why cause pain if you don't have to?
It's not the only reason why people marry, nor is it the only legitimate reason.
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