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Some months ago I sought advice on this forum about my relationship with my husband and found it quite helpful. Thus, I am coming back for your opinions on my current situation.
My ex-husband, from whom I've been divorced for nine weeks, has died. He was married three times and I am his most recent wife. He returned to his first wife a few months ago and was with her until he died a couple of days ago. The first wife has made all the funeral arrangements, which will take place at the second wife's church!!
I called my ex-mother in-law to give my condolences, and she was very cold to me and pretended not to know who I was, despite caller ID and my repeating my name four times. In the past she had made it clear that she thought I was wrong to divorce him when he had a terminal illness, although he did everything he could to drive me away. I've found out that my ex told his family, friends and ex-wives a highly fictionalized account of our problems, in which I play the role of heartless monster. Some of his relatives and our friends know this is untrue, but I think the ones who never heard my side may believe his version. So I'm not sure who's minds he's managed to poison against me.
I am, therefore, expecting to get the cold shoulder from some of the other attendees. However I still plan to attend the funeral with some of my family and friends for moral support. We won't be going to the post-funeral reception. I'm not sure what proper etiquette is in a case like this. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get through this with as little stress and drama as possible.
Should I get in line to greet the family, despite the possible hostility of some members? Am I considered one of the family? Where am I supposed to sit? What do I do when I see some of his old friends who knew me very well? Do I wait for them to approach me first? What's the best way to handle the ex-wives, whom I've never met?
Should I get in line to greet the family, despite the hostility of some members? Am I considered one of the family? Where am I supposed to sit? What do I do when I see some of his old friends who knew me very well? What's the best way to handle the ex-wives, whom I've never met?
Thanks for your help.
That's a horrible position to put yourself in... Even though my normal inclination would be to suggest going to the funeral, maybe you shouldn't under all these circumstances...
Some months ago I sought advice on this forum about my relationship with my husband and found it quite helpful. Thus, I am coming back for your opinions on my current situation.
My ex-husband, from whom I've been divorced for nine weeks, has died. He was married three times and I am his most recent wife. He returned to his first wife a few months ago and was with her until he died a couple of days ago. The first wife has made all the funeral arrangements, which will take place at the second wife's church!!
I called my ex-mother in-law to give my condolences, and she was very cold to me and pretended not to know who I was, despite caller ID and my repeating my name four times. In the past she had made it clear that she thought I was wrong to divorce him when he had a terminal illness, although he did everything he could to drive me away. I've found out that my ex told his family, friends and ex-wives a highly fictionalized account of our problems, in which I play the role of heartless monster. Some of his relatives and our friends know this is untrue, but I think the ones who never heard my side may believe his version. So I'm not sure who's minds he's managed to poison against me.
I am, therefore, expecting to get the cold shoulder from some of the other attendees. However I still plan to attend the funeral with some of my family and friends for moral support. We won't be going to the post-funeral reception. I'm not sure what proper etiquette is in a case like this. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get through this with as little stress and drama as possible.
Should I get in line to greet the family, despite the possible hostility of some members? Am I considered one of the family? Where am I supposed to sit? What do I do when I see some of his old friends who knew me very well? What's the best way to handle the ex-wives, whom I've never met?
Thanks for your help.
I would go and do everything you would had you still been married to him. You can sit there by his side and pay your last I presume? Do it, it is the only right thing to do.
Some months ago I sought advice on this forum about my relationship with my husband and found it quite helpful. Thus, I am coming back for your opinions on my current situation.
My ex-husband, from whom I've been divorced for nine weeks, has died. He was married three times and I am his most recent wife. He returned to his first wife a few months ago and was with her until he died a couple of days ago. The first wife has made all the funeral arrangements, which will take place at the second wife's church!!
I called my ex-mother in-law to give my condolences, and she was very cold to me and pretended not to know who I was, despite caller ID and my repeating my name four times. In the past she had made it clear that she thought I was wrong to divorce him when he had a terminal illness, although he did everything he could to drive me away. I've found out that my ex told his family, friends and ex-wives a highly fictionalized account of our problems, in which I play the role of heartless monster. Some of his relatives and our friends know this is untrue, but I think the ones who never heard my side may believe his version. So I'm not sure who's minds he's managed to poison against me.
I am, therefore, expecting to get the cold shoulder from some of the other attendees. However I still plan to attend the funeral with some of my family and friends for moral support. We won't be going to the post-funeral reception. I'm not sure what proper etiquette is in a case like this. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get through this with as little stress and drama as possible.
Should I get in line to greet the family, despite the hostility of some members? Am I considered one of the family? Where am I supposed to sit? What do I do when I see some of his old friends who knew me very well? What's the best way to handle the ex-wives, whom I've never met?
Thanks for your help.
Honestly honey, why go? Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and apparently none of the living want you to be there.
Why not honor him, if you so desire, by having a candle lighting or small memorial with people who care about you in your own church?
If you just feel compelled to go, plan to sit in the back, sign the guest book and leave quietly. You are not part of the family, they have made that abundantly clear, so don't set yourself up to be publicly humiliated by them okay?
Honestly honey, why go? Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and apparently none of the living want you to be there.
Why not honor him, if you so desire, by having a candle lighting or small memorial with people who care about you in your own church?
If you just feel compelled to go, plan to sit in the back, sign the guest book and leave quietly. You are not part of the family, they have made that abundantly clear, so don't set yourself up to be publicly humiliated by them okay?
I would go. I wouldn't care what THEY thought of me either. No guts, no glory!
Some months ago I sought advice on this forum about my relationship with my husband and found it quite helpful. Thus, I am coming back for your opinions on my current situation.
My ex-husband, from whom I've been divorced for nine weeks, has died. He was married three times and I am his most recent wife. He returned to his first wife a few months ago and was with her until he died a couple of days ago. The first wife has made all the funeral arrangements, which will take place at the second wife's church!!
I called my ex-mother in-law to give my condolences, and she was very cold to me and pretended not to know who I was, despite caller ID and my repeating my name four times. In the past she had made it clear that she thought I was wrong to divorce him when he had a terminal illness, although he did everything he could to drive me away. I've found out that my ex told his family, friends and ex-wives a highly fictionalized account of our problems, in which I play the role of heartless monster. Some of his relatives and our friends know this is untrue, but I think the ones who never heard my side may believe his version. So I'm not sure who's minds he's managed to poison against me.
I am, therefore, expecting to get the cold shoulder from some of the other attendees. However I still plan to attend the funeral with some of my family and friends for moral support. We won't be going to the post-funeral reception. I'm not sure what proper etiquette is in a case like this. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get through this with as little stress and drama as possible.
Should I get in line to greet the family, despite the possible hostility of some members? Am I considered one of the family? Where am I supposed to sit? What do I do when I see some of his old friends who knew me very well? Do I wait for them to approach me first? What's the best way to handle the ex-wives, whom I've never met?
Thanks for your help.
Everyone feels differently about funerals. I personally do not go to them, so that point of view will color my response to you.
I have no idea on earth why you would want to go. What could you possibly hope to gain from being there? If you want to avoid the drama which will UNDOUBTEDLY ensue, I would most certainly spend the day doing something else - ANYTHING ELSE.
Why not honor him, if you so desire, by having a candle lighting or small memorial with people who care about you in your own church?
That's a good idea. Or she can do whatever she chooses, needs, and wants to do to say goodbye in private - her own little ceremony, whatever it may be.
I would go. I wouldn't care what THEY thought of me either. No guts, no glory!
He's her EX husband and funerals are for family and friends of the deceased. It would be classier for her to keep a low profile and cause no more drama than has already occurred.
He's her EX husband and funerals are for family and friends of the deceased. It would be classier for her to keep a low profile and cause no more drama than has already occurred.
No drama........ ONLY a suit and a straight face. You speak only when spoken to. No problem.
Some months ago I sought advice on this forum about my relationship with my husband and found it quite helpful. Thus, I am coming back for your opinions on my current situation.
My ex-husband, from whom I've been divorced for nine weeks, has died. He was married three times and I am his most recent wife. He returned to his first wife a few months ago and was with her until he died a couple of days ago. The first wife has made all the funeral arrangements, which will take place at the second wife's church!!
I called my ex-mother in-law to give my condolences, and she was very cold to me and pretended not to know who I was, despite caller ID and my repeating my name four times. In the past she had made it clear that she thought I was wrong to divorce him when he had a terminal illness, although he did everything he could to drive me away. I've found out that my ex told his family, friends and ex-wives a highly fictionalized account of our problems, in which I play the role of heartless monster. Some of his relatives and our friends know this is untrue, but I think the ones who never heard my side may believe his version. So I'm not sure who's minds he's managed to poison against me.
I am, therefore, expecting to get the cold shoulder from some of the other attendees. However I still plan to attend the funeral with some of my family and friends for moral support. We won't be going to the post-funeral reception. I'm not sure what proper etiquette is in a case like this. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get through this with as little stress and drama as possible.
Should I get in line to greet the family, despite the possible hostility of some members? Am I considered one of the family? Where am I supposed to sit? What do I do when I see some of his old friends who knew me very well? Do I wait for them to approach me first? What's the best way to handle the ex-wives, whom I've never met?
Thanks for your help.
Nine weeks divorced. The ink is still wet. Are you gals kidding me? Sheesh, like it's 20 years or something.
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Even though my normal inclination would be to suggest going to the funeral, maybe you shouldn't under all these circumstances...
