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You mentioned despicable as to their behavior. But to my behavior, I had no idea these women were getting ready to get married. I was at home minding my own business.
Oops, I'm sorry for being unclear. I mean the kind of behavior where someone is getting married and feels the need to sow those wild oats. Deliberately deceiving a spouse or fiance(e) ... that's what I think is distasteful. It's the same reason I don't like the slogan, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."
Congrtats, bro! You must be great in the rack for these women to seek you out for one more good bang right before they settle into marriage. Take it as a compliment, because it is! It also happened to me a couple times, and ironically, in almost exactly the same circumstances you described: they just showed-up out of nowhere after a couple years while I was home chillin.'
Women do this all the time, though, it's just that they're not as honest about it as the guys are who do it. Women tend to do it in the fasion you described, i.e. in a private circumstance with an old flame, while guys usually opt for the "weekend in Vegas" type scenario.
Agreed. I found out just days before my wedding to my first wife that she had gone out with an ex-boyfriend "just to make sure." She swore up and down that she didn't sleep with him...."just went to for dinner." This was two days before the big wedding we had (a 300 person affair). All the money had been spent, guest had arrived and all that. With that being the case, I decided to believe her, forgive her and marry her anyway. I have to say that it nagged at me for a long time. Of course, I am thinking, "So, you weren't sure when you said yes?" I guess I was second choice in the long run. Lame.
Maybe, but I had no proof of it. She didn't seem like the kind of person to do something like that, but when you add in the complication of not knowing her well enough to really know if she would or not, who knows? I was young and dumb back then. Whether she actually did or not, it still left that doubt in my mind for a long time. We were married for 15 years and over time, I came to the conclusion that she probably didn't, but I still really don't know. Looking back on it now, I should have called it and walked. Hell, it was her parents money for the most part anyway.
Maybe, but I had no proof of it. She didn't seem like the kind of person to do something like that, but when you add in the complication of not knowing her well enough to really know if she would or not, who knows? I was young and dumb back then. Whether she actually did or not, it still left that doubt in my mind for a long time. We were married for 15 years and over time, I came to the conclusion that she probably didn't, but I still really don't know. Looking back on it now, I should have called it and walked. Hell, it was her parents money for the most part anyway.
But I mean you remember it. Does it hurt you? You say that you came to the conclusion she didn't, but still. One night of hot sex can be hidden for a long time. I don't know, do you understand me?
But I mean you remember it. Does it hurt you? You say that you came to the conclusion she didn't, but still. One night of hot sex can be hidden for a long time. I don't know, do you understand me?
Yeah, I understand what you mean. That doubt will always be there after soemthing like that. As far as hurting me? Nah, not anymore. I've been divorced from her for over ten years now and I got full custody of my daughters, so I'm pretty numb to it all now. At the time though, her little dinner certainly put a damper on the joy of my wedding day. A lot of lesson learned though. Plus, I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world now, so anything she did is irrelevant. I just hope others can learn from the mistakes I made in my first marriage.
Yeah, I understand what you mean. That doubt will always be there after soemthing like that. As far as hurting me? Nah, not anymore. I've been divorced from her for over ten years now and I got full custody of my daughters, so I'm pretty numb to it all now. At the time though, her little dinner certainly put a damper on the joy of my wedding day. A lot of lesson learned though. Plus, I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the world now, so anything she did is irrelevant. I just hope others can learn from the mistakes I made in my first marriage.
What would you were your mistakes? How come you got full custody of the children you had together? I hope I am not being too personal, I honestly don't mean any offense.
To be perfectly honestly I'm not sure that I even believe the OP. Happening once, maybe, but happening twice makes me wonder if you're bragging about something that didn't even happen. Of course it could be true and if it was I would hate to be either one of those guys that was being cheated on, and even if a marriage hadn't actually taken place it would still be cheating and also it would be highly likely to happen in the future.
What would you were your mistakes? How come you got full custody of the children you had together? I hope I am not being too personal, I honestly don't mean any offense.
Mistakes? Many.
The biggest was not dating her long enough to really know who she was. Had I done that, I would have seen how totally incompatible we really were. I would have seen that she told me the things I wanted to hear so that I would marry her. I would have seen that she was fishing for a husband (I found women like that look for young GIs like I was back then). I would have seen that she was a mean-natured and exceptionally selfish person. I would have seen that she only wanted someone to take care of her and be the source of the money to spend as she wished but contributed none herself. I would have seen that she was a horrible spend thrift that continuously had us in debt. I would have seen that she was the type of person that no matter how much you did for her, that it was never enough or good enough. I would also had seen that I was looking for someone to replace a women I had been engaged to two years prior.
The other mistake I made was that instead of REALLY confronting her on all this, I chose to ignore and stay away from it as much as possible. I volunteered for every temporary duty assignment (TDY) I could get, hell, I even volunteered to go to Desert Storm just to get away from her. I immersed myself into my activities like sports officiating and powwowing. She hated both, so I knew she wouldn't go with me (but my daughters would ). I'd take day trips and activities with my daughters when I knew she couldn't go. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when your daughters tell you that the only good times they could remember were when it was just they and I. Looking back though, escape was not the right answer.
How did I get my daughters? Well, when we separated, she IMMEDIATELY started looking for a new husband. In addition, she was very harsh with them, especially my eldest daughter and they really didn't want to live with her. Lastly, she moved out of the city we lived in and I didn't want the girls uprooted from their school and friends. That's important to children. Lastly, I gave her a decent "maintenance" settlement (Colorado speak for alimony) and did not ask for child support...can't get blood from a turnip anyhow so there was no point. All I cared about was getting my girls. She took the payoff and went about her way.
I don't mind sharing as I hope people may learn from my errors.
Last edited by Fullback32; 01-25-2011 at 04:20 PM..
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). I'd take day trips and activities with my daughters when I knew she couldn't go. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when your daughters tell you that the only good times they could remember were when it was just they and I. 
Looking back though, escape was not the right answer.
