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Men don't deal with the stress from an illness the same way females do. They are really bad at it and will often run, in one form or another, because they don't know what to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi60
Women tend to nurture more and generally aren't the ones to leave as their instinct is to protect their young. Generally, younger men don't have the same nesting instinct as a female. That is just the way it is. But, like the rest of life, this isn't always true
A whole lot of generalization ... is it really "the way it is"? I guess we will have to take your word for it. And the disclaimer at the end. Basically saying a whole bunch of nothing.
Hogwash, NOT. I used to work with people in those situations and it does happen but there are also men out there who do respect their marriage. If you get out more you might realize that men and women are different and they respond to health issues, among other things, in their own way. I also know of a women who left her disabled hubby to move in with a married man so predatory behavior is not limited to one sex or the other. It is usually the ones who walk away from their responsibilities that eventually become a burdent to their families and taxpayers as well garner attention on this type of thread. The OP needs to use her head instead and get herself educated and strong. Strong educated women don't need this type of behavior to side track them from their goals as they know how to discriminate.
Excuse me? Who are YOU to make such a statement? Just because YOU hang around with scuzzbucket men and women who cheat on each other when the chips are down does not mean the rest of the world pals around with lowlifes. Also, YOU were the one who made ridiculous generalizations to justify the OP's boyfriend's behavior, as though, oh, my, my, dear, dear, it's just a man coping in a man's way. Sorry, but that is WRONG. Perhaps if YOU "get out more," you will stop with your sexist generalizing. For example, YOU are wrong about younger men, as well. There are plenty of dedicated, loyal young men out there. Likewise, your statement about women being "more nurturing" is patently silly in its presumption.
Maybe you need to associate with people of better social character, instead of trying to shoot someone else's down. Of course, birds of a feather do tend to flock together.
What also comes to mind for me is men in the military, who have always dealt with illness and a host of atrocious situations. They did/do not skip out in times of need to have a beer because they were/are just men being men, but quite the opposite. So no, the argument doesn't fly. And that demographic is pretty average Joe (so I'm guessing).
Excuse me? Who are YOU to make such a statement? Just because YOU hang around with scuzzbucket men and women who cheat on each other when the chips are down does not mean the rest of the world pals around with lowlifes. Also, YOU were the one who made ridiculous generalizations to justify the OP's boyfriend's behavior, as though, oh, my, my, dear, dear, it's just a man coping in a man's way. Sorry, but that is WRONG. Perhaps if YOU "get out more," you will stop with your sexist generalizing. For example, YOU are wrong about younger men, as well. There are plenty of dedicated, loyal young men out there. Likewise, your statement about women being "more nurturing" is patently silly in its presumption.
Maybe you need to associate with people of better social character, instead of trying to shoot someone else's down. Of course, birds of a feather do tend to flock together.
I do not hang around with scuzzbucket men as I have been happily married for many years to a wonderful man. My statements come from years of observation working in a profession that deals with the results of a lack of judgement and it is really heartbreaking. If you could read what I wrote you will see that I didn't paint all males or females with the same brush. Hatefulness only drives partners further away so perhaps that would be something to ponder this weekend.
Hatefulness only drives partners further away so perhaps that would be something to ponder this weekend.
I'm glad you recognize that. Get back to us on Monday and let us know what you learn and how you intend to apply it to your interactions with members here.
I'm glad you recognize that. Get back to us on Monday and let us know what you learn and how you intend to apply it to your interactions with members here.
Sorry, but I cannot accomodate your demands as it is not needed in this case.
Because this is a first post does not de facto make it trolling. I myself came here first seeking information on Hawaii because I have the intent of going there and licking my wounds in the off season. Somewheres in there I read that this was a large forum but it did not seem so as the activity in that section which I had gone directly to via search was not a whole lot. I backtracked up to the main forum and saw that it was quite active in many of the sections not related to city data per se. I then found the relationship forum and thought that maybe I could learn something as relates to my own situation and here I am. It is not hard to imagine that someone seeking help could land here and post as to their question. Not saying this is so but it is plausible enough and causes me to give the benefit of the doubt.
Some thoughts in no particular order. They say a lock serves only to keep an honest man honest. I was with my wife for many years before we became married and did not cheat on her without the benefit of marriage keeping me honest. I gave my word, I was in love, I was commited. I felt not one iota different after we did get married. I gave my word, I was in love, I was commited. I believe there are many others that feel or felt this way. Still the world is full of grey and I have little doubt that there are some who will not enter that door because of the lock which stands in their way. Equally there are some who will cheat regardless. I'm not sure that cheating automatically makes someone a bad person in all cases. Its easy to get lost in a marriage or long term relationship. People can become distant despite sleeping in the same bed. They can lack and crave what is missing. The can find themselves in a spot where they see and feel need, desire, for something else. People make mistakes.
What is unsaid here? Why was the OP looking at his emails and such in the first place? Seems likely that there are problems that predate this current betrayal.
Men react differently to severe illness or other great mental stresses? I'm didn't write the book with all the answers and retire but I do know that when my wife had cancer I did not leave her side and supported her in every way possible. This wasnt because I am in any way special. I was in love and no other option ever entered my head. It is my thought that if you look at those who were truly in love when hard times came upon them there would be very few that behaved in this fashion or did the other things described by some posters.
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And the disclaimer at the end. Basically saying a whole bunch of nothing.
