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I'll try to condense this story, but like any other relationship story, it's complicated.
Premise: Me and this girl liked each other a few months ago but one thing led to another and she told me she doesn't see me as a love interest. In fact, she even stopped being friendly to me even though she says we are still friends. You can just feel the cold shoulder from her. What's tough is that we are in the same med school class and I have to see her everyday for the next 4 years.
I recently asked her to have coffee with me and she agreed, but I can sense reluctance. I feel like I should tell her I still have feelings for her since I have nothing to lose. She's already giving me the cold shoulder. Moreover, she's having lunch on multiple occasions with my best friend in class and its excruciating to see. Should I tell her how I feel when we have coffee or keep it casual?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'll try to condense this story, but like any other relationship story, it's complicated.
Premise: Me and this girl liked each other a few months ago but one thing led to another and she told me she doesn't see me as a love interest. In fact, she even stopped being friendly to me even though she says we are still friends. You can just feel the cold shoulder from her. What's tough is that we are in the same med school class and I have to see her everyday for the next 4 years.
I recently asked her to have coffee with me and she agreed, but I can sense reluctance. I feel like I should tell her I still have feelings for her since I have nothing to lose. She's already giving me the cold shoulder. Moreover, she's having lunch on multiple occasions with my best friend in class and its excruciating to see. Should I tell her how I feel when we have coffee or keep it casual?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
You can tell her how you feel but you will probably creep her out. She wants to move on. Get her out of your head and move on yourself. Best thing you can do is act like you never met her. Women are cold and really don't care how you feel once they have made it up in their mind you ain't the one. Half the world are women so the odds of you finding another one are pretty good. Best way to get her out of your head is to think of her doing something disgusting like taking a dump, farting, changing a tampon, ect. Then envision her 20 years from now a fat behind, haggard face, gray hair, saggy boobs. Get my point.. Really works.
I'll try to condense this story, but like any other relationship story, it's complicated.
Premise: Me and this girl liked each other a few months ago but one thing led to another and she told me she doesn't see me as a love interest. In fact, she even stopped being friendly to me even though she says we are still friends. You can just feel the cold shoulder from her. What's tough is that we are in the same med school class and I have to see her everyday for the next 4 years.
I recently asked her to have coffee with me and she agreed, but I can sense reluctance. I feel like I should tell her I still have feelings for her since I have nothing to lose. She's already giving me the cold shoulder. Moreover, she's having lunch on multiple occasions with my best friend in class and its excruciating to see. Should I tell her how I feel when we have coffee or keep it casual?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Persistence can be good but in this instance - not so much. She's already said she's not interested and you clearly still are .... so I guess I'm wondering what you hope to accomplish? Honestly, I think you are just setting yourself up for heartache. It bothers you that she's lunching with your best friend - how are you going to feel if she does meet you for coffee and turns you down again?
Nothing against you personally, but going at it too hard may very well send her screaming in the other direction. If she wanted to pursue something, then she'd be much warmer towards you.
If you truly want to be friends - and only friends - with her, then you need to cancel the coffee meet, get over the feelings towards her and not interact again til you know without a doubt that you can be friends. And that won't be easy.
Good luck.
ETA something I posted on another thread:
Quote:
It seems as though trying to be friends with her is going to be difficult, so you need to decide whether you can TRULY deal with the feelings and emotions that will come with being around a friend who once rejected you. If you can't, then you need to cut all contact with her immediately. It isn't going to be easy-peasy and there is no cut-and-dry method to dealing with it. Do know that if you continue to be friends with her, the chances of those feelings re-surfacing are very high.
Ok, I know this will be hard, but try to listen. It's worked for me.
-You like her.
She knows this.
She knows she can 'have you' any time she wants.
For women this is a safety line, a sense of security if you will.
Your on the back burner, the pitch hitter if yo uwill.
You'll make NO progress there.
She's meeting you b/c she knows she has to throw you a bone every now and then to keep you 'on tether'
This will not change until you act (Atleast) like your not panting after her.
When that happens one of two things will happen.
1. She'll become interested.
2. She won't keep you in purgatory and it's over.
-Good news would be that in a year (IF your NOT sappy about it) you might be able to hook up.
Might not.
Now, the following is opinion:
It depends on the way you play it.
Women (And people) want what they can't have.
Don't be an @**hole about it, but still being nice, and atleast ACTING like you have moved on... helps (IMHO) and who knows, you might actually move on.
Your not getting anywhere. Take the chance.
-Or continue, and one day you'll look back and realize that I was right.
Ok, I know this will be hard, but try to listen. It's worked for me.
-You like her.
She knows this.
She knows she can 'have you' any time she wants.
For women this is a safety line, a sense of security if you will.
Your on the back burner, the pitch hitter if yo uwill.
You'll make NO progress there.
She's meeting you b/c she knows she has to throw you a bone every now and then to keep you 'on tether'
This will not change until you act (Atleast) like your not panting after her.
When that happens one of two things will happen.
1. She'll become interested.
2. She won't keep you in purgatory and it's over.
-Good news would be that in a year (IF your NOT sappy about it) you might be able to hook up.
Might not.
Now, the following is opinion:
It depends on the way you play it.
Women (And people) want what they can't have.
Don't be an @**hole about it, but still being nice, and atleast ACTING like you have moved on... helps (IMHO) and who knows, you might actually move on.
Your not getting anywhere. Take the chance.
-Or continue, and one day you'll look back and realize that I was right.
Nothing like 4 years of shame and torture. What if she goes to the same residency? Another 3-7 years. Don't say anything. If things don't work out between your friend and her there might be a chance later. Trust me you will meet plenty of females throughout your professional career. Don't get hung up and mess yourself up pining over her when finals or Step I comes around... costing you your top residency choice. that would be foolish. Just concentrate on your studies. Trust me, I've seen people try to date through med school and it is pretty blaahhhh....And if your class size is small, the gossip will spread like wildfire. It's annoying...
This is why you do not date co-workers or classmates.
Avoid her like the plague. It will not develop further. No good can come out of this. If you did manage to date and it ends, she will make your life hell.
i hope you listen to the advice. Best advice is to let it go concentrate on your schools. If you still want to go on, then next best advice is to feign disinterest. and if you dont follow neither then you can come back with your sob story and wish you listened. Your choice.
If I were a young woman in medical school, I would give the chill to anyone too, because there is so far to go, and no time to get encumbered. Don't take it personally. There will be plenty of women throwing themselves at you later.
Maybe she would just like to boink your brains out once in awhile and leave it at that?
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