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I like to take things slow also. I don't believe into rushing into intimacy, I like to take the time to try and get to know quite a bit about the other person first.
I've never had a one night stand, it's always taken a few weeks to get to that step. And I think that it's been appreciated by most of them.
Well, the thing was he called me out of the blue saying how he has changed and is ready to settle down and be serious with someone, but wants to take things slow instead of rush like he did in the past. We talked and picked up where we left off but as time continued forward i started seeing signs and he began saying things that conflicted with what he initially told me in the beginning.
For example now he's saying he's confused he wants both the single life and to be in a relationship because he likes having someone to come home to but he doesn't like having to answer to anyone. Then if i say well we are not in a relationship so why are you getting upset if i don't answer the phone then we will say something like, " well dang is that what you want then we can be in a relationship then." He wants to sexually have something more with me but not commit. And lastly he mostly wants to talk about things he can do to me sexually or what not but, honestly he is not very good in that department. He's very nice and funny and calls me all the time, he seems very interested but is holding back for one reason or another.
So at this point, you need to open your eyes.
His mouth may be saying one thing, but his actions are saying something entirely different. This guy is in rebound, or still sowing his wild oats, or in denial or SOMETHING... but of all the things he is, what he isn't is a good prospect for a committed, stable boyfriend.
I had to laugh when I got to the part about liking having someone to come home to but doesn't want to answer to anyone. He wants to have sex with you but not commit to you. Basically this guy wants to use you as a convenience to get exactly what he wants (NSA sex and a companion waiting for him on the nights he feels to tired to prowl for other chicks) without the slightest care about what you want.
He has nothing to offer you. Please don't waste your time on this guy because you have a fantasy from 10 years ago. He's not going to give you what you're looking for.
My opinion: Bail out now. There is nothing worse than a guy who says he can't trust women because he's been so hurt, blah blah blah. He is basically saying he's going to hold everything every other woman has done to him against you. Is that fair? Really....think about it. You'll understand what he thinks of you.
And that is exactly what i didn't want, is to hold on to the memories of who he was but neglecting to see the signs of who he really is. And about not wanting to be friends. I don't think that is possible, I care for him well the person he was too much and i know this and being friends and knowing that when i leave his house, a second later someone else will probably be there is too emotionally draining, when i love i love hard and completely, without holding back. He was my1st love so of course there will always be feelings, we've had a history and its just hard to walk away from it, but i guess it is what it is and will always be a good ole memory that i should've never interfered with to begin with.
"And lastly he mostly wants to talk about things he can do to me sexually or what not but, honestly he is not very good in that department."
What does this mean? You kicked the tires already?
Look, always be sure of what you want before dating and expect the same from them. He's giving mixed signals so tell him that when you refuse to talk or see him again.
And that is exactly what i didn't want, is to hold on to the memories of who he was but neglecting to see the signs of who he really is. And about not wanting to be friends. I don't think that is possible, I care for him well the person he was too much and i know this and being friends and knowing that when i leave his house, a second later someone else will probably be there is too emotionally draining, when i love i love hard and completely, without holding back. He was my1st love so of course there will always be feelings, we've had a history and its just hard to walk away from it, but i guess it is what it is and will always be a good ole memory that i should've never interfered with to begin with.
Sometimes it's better to leave the past in the past. Even if he was ready to date seriously, which it doesn't sound like he is, you two are very different people today from who you were 10 years ago. Could it still work? Maybe.
I do agree that it's probably not a good idea to try to be friends. He wants some easy tail. You want a real boyfriend. Attempting to be friends would likely just end up hurting you. Find a man who is available, ready and wants something serious.
thank you h886, and everyone else for their responses.
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