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Old 01-31-2011, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
461 posts, read 858,637 times
Reputation: 227

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Story in a nutshell:

27 year old raised in a conservative Indian family who restricted dating...had to do it behind their backs. Parents are very socially awkward and don't really hug me....show me love through buying me anything I want. As you can see...a lot of anger at the parental units.
Fell in love with a girl...but couldn't tell my parents....ended up pushing this girl away....she understood for the longest time, but finally couldn't put up with it and dumped me....I have now come to term with my parents...faced them and told them that I am in love.

Girl wouldn't listen that I had changed my ways. I told her I wouldn't push her away anymore, but she still did not want to get back together and take the risk of moving together.

Now I am faced with a lost love, end of my school career, and transitioning into the real world single....AFTER THINKING I WOULD MARRY THIS PERSON AND LIVE MY LIFE WITH THEM!

Moving in June/July to either Portland, Tucson, or SF....

Any words of advice? I am trying to eat healthy, hang out with friends I ignored during my intense relationship, working out....but I still have such pains when I see her/talk to her/think about her. I can barely listen to music/watch TV without thinking about her.
What is the best way to move on?

I am still in love with her...she told me her feelings have changed and she is no longer in love with me

My practical side says things will be ok in the long run....but I really messed up and lost this girl...never to have her back...how does one deal with that?

Please help.
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Old 01-31-2011, 03:40 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,500,931 times
Reputation: 9174
You just have to accept it and move forward without any expectations that she will come back. Once someone stops loving you, there's really not much you can do about it. It hurts like hell, but you will heal.

Stay busy, lean on your friends, find a group of people with common interests. MeetUp.com is a pretty cool site.
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Old 01-31-2011, 03:49 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,459,365 times
Reputation: 3482
I know it's painful to go through the heartbreak of your first love but since the girl does not have feelings for you anymore, you need to move on. Keep yourself busy with friends, sports, etc. After awhile, the pain will lessen and lessen. When you move, maybe you'll start dating again.
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Old 01-31-2011, 03:49 PM
 
2,596 posts, read 5,567,490 times
Reputation: 3995
Sorry this happened to you. Right now it seems like the end of the world. It always does. Eventually, you will come to see it as just another part of your life and you'll start to see more possibilities out there again.

It's tempting for everyone to blame things on their parents. No one has perfect parents. Admittedly some are worse than others, but I try to remember that even when they messed up, my parents did the best they could with what information they had at the time to work with. They, to some extent, are probably also the victims/products of their own upbringing, if that helps.

As for moving forward, I would take this as a learning experience. You will be leaving home and moving soon. It's a chance to start over, to make the life YOU want and to allow your parents into that life to what extent you will allow. Often moving can be a very good thing. You can still see them at holidays, talk on the phone once a week, but that physical distance can help give you better boundaries.

You know now that you DO want a girlfriend, that you DO want to make that romantic relationship most important in your life, a part of you, not something where you lie and sneak around. You won't make the same mistake again.
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Old 01-31-2011, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
461 posts, read 858,637 times
Reputation: 227
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
Sorry this happened to you. Right now it seems like the end of the world. It always does. Eventually, you will come to see it as just another part of your life and you'll start to see more possibilities out there again.

It's tempting for everyone to blame things on their parents. No one has perfect parents. Admittedly some are worse than others, but I try to remember that even when they messed up, my parents did the best they could with what information they had at the time to work with. They, to some extent, are probably also the victims/products of their own upbringing, if that helps.

As for moving forward, I would take this as a learning experience. You will be leaving home and moving soon. It's a chance to start over, to make the life YOU want and to allow your parents into that life to what extent you will allow. Often moving can be a very good thing. You can still see them at holidays, talk on the phone once a week, but that physical distance can help give you better boundaries.

You know now that you DO want a girlfriend, that you DO want to make that romantic relationship most important in your life, a part of you, not something where you lie and sneak around. You won't make the same mistake again.
Some of the best advice I have heard!

I want this girl so bad though! It just hurts so much to know that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore....we used to be in such love...
I want her to fall in love with me again!

I now know that I want to have kids with her! I want to marry her!
But she says that we will fall back into the same patterns.....

I am trying to stay tough and going out with friends and keeping myself busy in sports....working out...
But I can't seem to shake it! Such a rough time!
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,375,235 times
Reputation: 40197
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCB View Post
Story in a nutshell:

27 year old raised in a conservative Indian family who restricted dating...had to do it behind their backs. Parents are very socially awkward and don't really hug me....show me love through buying me anything I want. As you can see...a lot of anger at the parental units.
Fell in love with a girl...but couldn't tell my parents....ended up pushing this girl away....she understood for the longest time, but finally couldn't put up with it and dumped me....I have now come to term with my parents...faced them and told them that I am in love.

Girl wouldn't listen that I had changed my ways. I told her I wouldn't push her away anymore, but she still did not want to get back together and take the risk of moving together.

Now I am faced with a lost love, end of my school career, and transitioning into the real world single....AFTER THINKING I WOULD MARRY THIS PERSON AND LIVE MY LIFE WITH THEM!

Moving in June/July to either Portland, Tucson, or SF....

Any words of advice? I am trying to eat healthy, hang out with friends I ignored during my intense relationship, working out....but I still have such pains when I see her/talk to her/think about her. I can barely listen to music/watch TV without thinking about her.
What is the best way to move on?

I am still in love with her...she told me her feelings have changed and she is no longer in love with me

My practical side says things will be ok in the long run....but I really messed up and lost this girl...never to have her back...how does one deal with that?

Please help.
You suck it up, consider it a lesson learned and move on with your life.

Next time a woman means this much to you you will know better than to let anything come between you and her Best of luck.
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Old 01-31-2011, 05:40 PM
 
1,090 posts, read 1,829,792 times
Reputation: 818
i'm sorry, your crybaby icons are really detracting me from taking this post seriously.

BUT you gotta realize happiness isn't dependent on one girl. she wasn't the right person for you.
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Old 01-31-2011, 05:47 PM
 
18,326 posts, read 18,922,526 times
Reputation: 15633
it is always hard to move on to a new place in life when you have to wait for other things to catch up with your mental state. take it slow you have tons of life left. moving and getting some distance behind you and into a new phase of life will help a lot. first loves will always be special but they are not always your soul mate.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
461 posts, read 858,637 times
Reputation: 227
Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987 View Post
i'm sorry, your crybaby icons are really detracting me from taking this post seriously.

BUT you gotta realize happiness isn't dependent on one girl. she wasn't the right person for you.
Sorry for the icons...thought they represented my current state.

I realize that happiness isn't dependent on one girl, but she was the right person for me....
If I had sucked it up a little earlier and worked on the issues with my parents, perhaps things would have worked out.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,375,235 times
Reputation: 40197
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCB View Post
Sorry for the icons...thought they represented my current state.

I realize that happiness isn't dependent on one girl, but she was the right person for me....
If I had sucked it up a little earlier and worked on the issues with my parents, perhaps things would have worked out.

Live and learn

Also, be careful not to start idolizing her now. If she was really "the right person" for you she'd still be there.

Being "the one" is only real when BOTH people feel that way
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