Anyone Ever Been a Victim of Stalking or Know Anyone Who Has? (men, lover)
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I forget what it's called, but there's a psychological disorder where people start claiming that they've been stalked, raped, beaten, assaulted, kidnapped, robbed, etc. because they know that the claims will get them attention - specifically, sympathetic attention (pity). They usually will tell you really early on in any interaction they have with you.
Some of these people are absolutely happen to destroy other peoples' lives in the process of pursuing their increasingly-wild claims. I had a coworker like that who thankfully never decided to extend her wrath to me, but I saw her ruin someone's career and nearly ruin another's.
Munchansen by proxy something like that.
Pursue criminal prosecution for stalking is very expensive and for someone like me it might as well mean the end of my career, specially because this person was well liked by the organization I was working with. I talked to some ladies at the office and they said I was paranoid, crazy, infatuated with him (he was married), jealous, etc. Only one person believed me, a man, he wanted me to go to HR, but that might have meant suing my employer and by all means, in this field that is a no-no. Leaving was easier.
I talked to the PD in my town, they basically told me you have 2 options, fight or leave. It took me 9 months but I found another job. And I left. I change my email addresses, phone number and I moved.
Do I believe this person will keep stalking me? i don't. Do I know? No.
I am not longer afraid. I don't believe all men are stalkers. But the experience was pretty terrifying. I don't wish that on my worst enemy. And believe I am not pretty or sexy or sensual or anything. I can lose some weight and I was 31 at the time of the stalking. (hardly spring chicken).
I know a guy wh did this to MULTIPLE girls (at the same time)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005
Have you ever had to deal with a stalker or know anyone who has? How did you deal with it? Was there any resolution to the situation?
I was watching that new show on the ID Channel, Stalked, and it freaked me out. I've always been terrified of this because often the victim receives little to no help. On the episode tonite, the woman victim was victimized/stalked by her female next door neighboor. She and her family finally had to move to get away from the neighboor who was bent on destroying their lives, scary!
Well, I have never been stalked, but I know a group of girls who had a guy who stalked them. He more or so basically assualted them on a daily basis. He would touch them allll the time. They asked him to stop and even went to principals and counselors, and they turned it around on them! They said they were 'leading him on'. I was like omg I can't believe they're making him the victim here. So, really what had to happen was they talked to a guy who handled it. Unfortunate, but this guy is a creep. I think if he doesn't get help he will end up raping someone or doing something really bad. Scary
Well, I have never been stalked, but I know a group of girls who had a guy who stalked them. He more or so basically assualted them on a daily basis. He would touch them allll the time. They asked him to stop and even went to principals and counselors, and they turned it around on them! They said they were 'leading him on'. I was like omg I can't believe they're making him the victim here. So, really what had to happen was they talked to a guy who handled it. Unfortunate, but this guy is a creep. I think if he doesn't get help he will end up raping someone or doing something really bad. Scary
I manage a business and am generally friendly with basically everyone here (with a couple exceptions - with them, I'm just professional).
If one of my employees came to me and said that they were being harassed by an employee, regardless of what I thought of the person doing the accusing and the person doing the harassing, I'd have to put my opinions aside and take what they were saying seriously. It's not just an issue of liability or corporate responsibility, it's just the right thing to do. I would never tolerate any harassment or abuse in my business, ever.
If you don't deal with it, then like you said - they'll escalate. They have no reason not to. If they're going around grabassing and harassing and generally being sleazy and the powers-that-be don't listen, what's to stop them from escalating?
My sister-in-law went to a family reunion with her husband; they had only been married a few months. (We didn't like him very much.) While they were there, her husband became violent with his stepfather and punched him in front of everyone. My sister-in-law had already seen his violent side and was unhappy with some of his other behavior, and the family reunion ended up being the final straw. She tried to calm her husband down, but he yelled at her and threw his ring at her. She got on a plane the next morning, leaving him to drive home across several states, and came to our house. She was scared of him and wanted a divorce. She packed up some things and told him she was going to California to see her parents, but she actually came to our house instead. (We lived in the same city.) She parked her car several blocks away, thinking he would believe she was gone, but he didn't. He showed up at my house and tried to push his way in, demanding to see her, but I told him to leave, and thankfully, he did.
Despite all the rotten things he said to her and accused her of, he would not leave her alone despite her getting a restraining order. She changed jobs a few times, and he would always get her new number by calling people at her office and pretending to be some client looking for her. She had to change her home and cell numbers a few times, but he would look at mutual friends' phone bills to find out where they called. She finally told their mutual friends that she couldn't speak to them anymore. He's called my house and my in-laws' house, making threats (nothing physical, just mostly about spreading lies or taking their son away). I now think he is a bully and am not physically frightened of him anymore, but I know he has been arrested for assault and my sister-in-law has witnessed his ugly temper. He has only beaten up men, as far as I know. She used to be really scared of him and even now says she won't move to our state because it is too close to his.
I don't know whether that counts as stalking or harassment. When we all lived in the same state, we told our kids' school about him and that he was not allowed to come near them. We just didn't know the lengths to which he would try to hurt our family.
My sister-in-law went to a family reunion with her husband; they had only been married a few months. (We didn't like him very much.) While they were there, her husband became violent with his stepfather and punched him in front of everyone. My sister-in-law had already seen his violent side and was unhappy with some of his other behavior, and the family reunion ended up being the final straw. She tried to calm her husband down, but he yelled at her and threw his ring at her. She got on a plane the next morning, leaving him to drive home across several states, and came to our house. She was scared of him and wanted a divorce. She packed up some things and told him she was going to California to see her parents, but she actually came to our house instead. (We lived in the same city.) She parked her car several blocks away, thinking he would believe she was gone, but he didn't. He showed up at my house and tried to push his way in, demanding to see her, but I told him to leave, and thankfully, he did.
Despite all the rotten things he said to her and accused her of, he would not leave her alone despite her getting a restraining order. She changed jobs a few times, and he would always get her new number by calling people at her office and pretending to be some client looking for her. She had to change her home and cell numbers a few times, but he would look at mutual friends' phone bills to find out where they called. She finally told their mutual friends that she couldn't speak to them anymore. He's called my house and my in-laws' house, making threats (nothing physical, just mostly about spreading lies or taking their son away). I now think he is a bully and am not physically frightened of him anymore, but I know he has been arrested for assault and my sister-in-law has witnessed his ugly temper. He has only beaten up men, as far as I know. She used to be really scared of him and even now says she won't move to our state because it is too close to his.
I don't know whether that counts as stalking or harassment. When we all lived in the same state, we told our kids' school about him and that he was not allowed to come near them. We just didn't know the lengths to which he would try to hurt our family.
Yeah, that's stalking. What a nutcase!
Can't blame you about your kids. Don't know if you heard about it, but a few weeks ago here in California, a guy kidnapped his ex's son (who wasn't his biological kid) because he thought she wouldn't let the guy see him anymore. He tried to get the kid at school but they wouldn't let him, so instead, he just waited and snatched him from his grandma. They searched and ultimately found the boy in a canal They think he probably is in there somewhere, too... I hope not, personally. I want him to pay for what he did to that poor kid.
People like this guy are just awful. If it can be directly proven that someone is aggressively stalking someone, I think that they need to be thrown in the cooler for a little while to a) give the victim a chance to get their stuff in order without worrying that their stalker will show up to hurt them in the process, and b) nail it into them that what they're doing is not okay, people are watching, and they will pay for the damage they've done to someone.
Can't blame you about your kids. Don't know if you heard about it, but a few weeks ago here in California, a guy kidnapped his ex's son (who wasn't his biological kid) because he thought she wouldn't let the guy see him anymore. He tried to get the kid at school but they wouldn't let him, so instead, he just waited and snatched him from his grandma. They searched and ultimately found the boy in a canal They think he probably is in there somewhere, too... I hope not, personally. I want him to pay for what he did to that poor kid.
They found the kid in a canal ... dead? Oh my God, how terrible. I just cannot wrap my head around the mentality that some sick people have, where they love someone so much that they kill them rather than be apart. Of course the mom was right to stop her ex from contacting her son--it's obvious why should would do so.
That poor woman. And the grandma is probably a wreck over it.
They found the kid in a canal ... dead? Oh my God, how terrible. I just cannot wrap my head around the mentality that some sick people have, where they love someone so much that they kill them rather than be apart. Of course the mom was right to stop her ex from contacting her son--it's obvious why should would do so.
That poor woman. And the grandma is probably a wreck over it.
What makes it even worse is that she said she wasn't planning on keeping him from having contact with her son because they had a great father-son relationship. They'd been broken up and he'd been seeing the son... he just flipped, I guess.
She was on the news the day before they found him, asking him to come forward and saying that she didn't think he'd do anything to hurt him. Sad situation. I don't want to know what they're going through now.
I teared up a bit when I read they'd found him Not the sort of ending you want for the situation.
My sister-in-law had already seen his violent side and was unhappy with some of his other behavior, and the family reunion ended up being the final straw. She tried to calm her husband down, but he yelled at her and threw his ring at her. She got on a plane the next morning, leaving him to drive home across several states, and came to our house. She was scared of him and wanted a divorce. She packed up some things and told him she was going to California to see her parents, but she actually came to our house instead. (We lived in the same city.) She parked her car several blocks away, thinking he would believe she was gone, but he didn't. He showed up at my house and tried to push his way in, demanding to see her, but I told him to leave, and thankfully, he did.
Despite all the rotten things he said to her and accused her of, he would not leave her alone despite her getting a restraining order. She changed jobs a few times, and he would always get her new number by calling people at her office and pretending to be some client looking for her. She had to change her home and cell numbers a few times, but he would look at mutual friends' phone bills to find out where they called. She finally told their mutual friends that she couldn't speak to them anymore. He's called my house and my in-laws' house, making threats (nothing physical, just mostly about spreading lies or taking their son away). I now think he is a bully and am not physically frightened of him anymore, but I know he has been arrested for assault and my sister-in-law has witnessed his ugly temper. He has only beaten up men, as far as I know. She used to be really scared of him and even now says she won't move to our state because it is too close to his.
I don't know whether that counts as stalking or harassment. When we all lived in the same state, we told our kids' school about him and that he was not allowed to come near them. We just didn't know the lengths to which he would try to hurt our family.
My sister went through the same thing with her husband a few years ago, execpt that she went back to him. While they were separated we were afraid that he'd come to my parents' house or to where she was staying with a gun. They've been together since she was 19, and she's convinced herself that he must love her so much to be so possessive. My dad forbids him to come into my parents' home, which my sister doesn't understand. Makes holidays fun, tellyouwhat.
What makes it even worse is that she said she wasn't planning on keeping him from having contact with her son because they had a great father-son relationship. They'd been broken up and he'd been seeing the son... he just flipped, I guess.
She was on the news the day before they found him, asking him to come forward and saying that she didn't think he'd do anything to hurt him. Sad situation. I don't want to know what they're going through now.
I teared up a bit when I read they'd found him Not the sort of ending you want for the situation.
And this is why police departments take stalking cases so serioulsy
no offense to any man but 80% of the stalking cases (The vast majority) are from men to women
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I know a guy wh did this to MULTIPLE girls (at the same time)
