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Tl;dr -- There's no question at the end of this, just making a point through an anecdote.
I feel awkward and somewhat uncomfortable with a male friend of mine who's married, but we're the same. He's the masculine version of me, I'm the feminine version of him. I don't believe in bonding and being close friends with married men that I feel close to in every way. It makes me very uncomfortable having conversations with him because there's too much chemistry and I don't want there to be that much. I always cut our communications short and limit them to political or philosophical discussions, and then I like to disappear and call it a night. Let me just put it this way: I would not want my husband talking and bonding with a woman who he has any kind of chemistry with whatsoever.
SO this makes me feel extremely uncomfortable around him. He's always talking about how sad and depressed and hopeless he is, but always says that he's married, and was never looking forward to the next day, always thinking of and talking about methods to kill himself. But lately it seems like he and I are talking more (and we always talk a LOT when we're together and usually against the grain of what everyone else is saying; so it's like we're in a bubble when the two of us meet) and he actually says "i'll see you tomorrow then?", and I'm not liking it because this means he is now in the habit of looking forward to talking to and being in the company of me. I don't want a married man to get a likeness for me. I'm not attracted to him and can't say he's attracted to me (both for the sole reason that he's married), but we both know that if he wasn't married, then we would skyrocket.
Friendships between opposite genders of opposite marital status that are close like this are what ends marriages, and I am 100% against it. My elders have already told me that ladies should not closely know (in the personal and intimate meaning of the word) married gentlemen. I don't ever want a married man calling his wife my name, so I think I'm gonna back off from him for a bit... I don't think I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'll see him in, I don't know, a week.
Ive got three sisters and here is what I would say to them...and I talked to them alot before they got married , not that long ago.....
Look it...your going to have to toughen up, this guy is playing you... the phrase...I'll see you tommorow ..right..? is a CONTROL thing to put pressure on you....WHY..? because he KNOWS deep down you are trying to get free of him...
Now... Do not let people control you just because you have ALOT to give...this is what he is zeroing in on...your vulnerability to share and have a meaningful relationship...he has targeted you...because he thinks he can conquer your need and overcome your attention to him implicitly.
He is a wimp...imagine a wonderful guy...now do you want the memory of this guy in your suitcase....no way. A real man focus's on the girl and the girls hopes...if he pulls that self destruction thing again tell him he should get prof help and that you do not want to further upset whatever the deep problem is.
Now...it sounds like your a very nice person, this attraction thing has got to start reflecting a little charactor in the ideal mate..the chemistry thing is a waste of time if the persons intentions are based in insecurities and over all suggestions that you are less than deserving of someone who has a little STABILITY.
A person who is flippy has no buisness trying to drag someone down into their flippy gutter. I hope you have some good girlfriends that you can plan some fun things to do and look forward to meeting someone nice...everybody deserves to be happy. This guy cannot make you happy....you know why don't you..? Hes a cheater ....after he realizes your on to him you watch him...he will target another...
If he starts with the whinning or what ever his tactics are I would say...hey I'm just not interested in having all this on my plate in a friendship, and if you like me as a friend at least give me a little space....he'll go away and look for another...and it prob won't be the wife...now how can any of this be ...chemistry...more like anti-chemistry i'd say...edit...you know that i'll see you tommorow thing ..right he says.....I had similar with someone who was takin advantage of me..always trying to bum money off me and never paying back.....so I said...to the question ..so I'll see you tom..right...I said...what for..? The users get stumped on that one ...give it a go if he pulls it again
Yiuppy, that 's a tou gh situation to be in - to find someone so alike and yet feel you shouldn't proceed with the relationship. How about praying about it , if you believe in God ?
If you're not comfortable with it, tell him. You have to draw the line somewhere. But I really don't understand how you can say you have great chemistry with him, you two would skyrocket if he wasn't married and then say you're not attracted to one another.
Your situation doesn't make it wrong for every single woman to have a married male friend. And being attracted to a married man isn't wrong until you act on it. People find themselves attracted to others all the time, married or not. It's not something you can help.
I don’t find it offensive. I just think it's ignorant. Sorry, OP.
You know, JJ, I looked it up in the dictionaries. Some find it "mildly offensive" whereas your favorite Webster thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with it!
You know, JJ, I looked it up in the dictionaries. Some find it "mildly offensive" whereas your favorite Webster thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with it!
Irregardless is in there too. Sometimes you just give the kid a cookie because you're tired of saying no.
A gay. A black. A cripple. A male. Adjectives used as nouns. It's poor English, that's all. Merriam-Webster is the primary source for spelling, not word usage. Now if you came to me with the Chicago Manual of Style, saying the same thing, I would relent.
It's sounds like you're his escape from a bad marriage. I've seen it before. You need to cut if off with him immediately. Even giving him a hint of anything will keep him longing for you, even though he doesn't really want you - he just wants a release from a garbage relationship.
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At least it's mentioned that's nonstandard usage...
